


More than you'd expect, fewer than you'd want

by Newagenewbarricade



Series: All the wardens [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Bisexual Character, F/F, F/M, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Pansexual Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, all the origins are true, there's other characters but they have minor appearances, very oc centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-04-05 22:19:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 68,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4197099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Newagenewbarricade/pseuds/Newagenewbarricade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There weren't three warden recruits at Ostagar, there were nine. The group of freshly joined wardens couldn't be more different. Each from a radically different place with radically different opinions. And now it's up to them to save the world, if they can agree on anything that is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dwarven Noble

Jolene overheard a guard say, “Five minutes.” She heard the shuffle of someone approaching. She neared her cell wall to see who it was. Tears streamed down her dust stained face as she realized it was Gorim.

                “Oh by the stone Gorim, I was afraid you weren’t coming.” Jolene breathed as she held onto the prison bars as Gorim stood in front of her cell.

                “They wouldn’t let me before. The Assembly has stripped me of my caste, I’m being sent to the surface. Harrowmont and I fought for the same for you but they weren’t hearing any of it. You’re being exiled to the deep roads.”

                Jolene let out a pained cry, tears flowing with renewed vigor. Her head rested on the metal bars before her,

                “I deserve it, I killed my _brother_.” She lamented.

                “It was in self-defense my love.” Gorim assured her, resting a hand on her shoulder.

                Her head shot up to look her lover dead in the eye,

                “Was it? Was it really Gorim? He told me to surrender, if I had he’d still be alive and we could’ve seen the real enemy Bhelen but instead I attacked and murdered my brother on Bhelen’s word. I deserve to be torn apart by Darkspawn for what I’ve done.”

                “I wish they’d let me go with you.” Gorim said.

                “You’re safer on the surface.” Jolene said.

                “I would give up all the safety in the world to go by your side to this dark place, don’t you ever believe otherwise Jolene.” Gorim held both of her shoulders, eyes unwavering. Jolene pulled him into a hug,

                “I’m so scared Gorim, just hold me for a minute. Please.” Her hands balled up in the fabric of his shirt as she cried into his chest.

                “Anything for you my lady.” He wrapped his arms around her as he had so many times before. He then cupped her face in both of his hands and kissed her one last time.

                “There’s still a chance for you, the Grey Wardens are on an expedition, it’s connected to the part of the deeps you’re to be left in. I will wait for you on the surface, if you can find them you’ll have a chance.” The guard came over shortly after that to usher Gorim away. Jolene bit her lip as the guard threw open the locked door, pushed a sword and shield in her hands and grabbed her.

                “Time for the spawn to have you, exile.” He practically spat at her.

When she arrived at the gates to the deep roads Lord Harrowmont, one of the dwarves closest to her father, was waiting for her. She closed the distance between them and he addressed her.

“Half of them had their decision bought before they even walked in there, there was no hope for you getting a fair trial lady Aeducan.” Lord Harrowmont said.

                “So, Bhelen is next in line for the throne…” Jolene had always been close to Bhelen. His betrayal hurt almost as much as Trian’s willingness to believe she’d try to kill him to get to the throne.

                “I’m not the only one who is suspicious of Bhelen’s sudden rise to power, I swear I will do everything in my power to prevent him from taking the throne.” Lord Harrowmont promised.

                “Just tell me, for your father’s sake. Did you kill Trian?”

                Jolene wanted to cry, yes she had killed him but it was clear he wasn’t going to accept that she wasn’t the one planning to kill him, she had to do it. She knew Bhelen had been playing on her and Trian’s natural paranoia for months if not years for this to happen. Bhelen knew Jolene struggled with extreme paranoia, she’d trusted him and he’d used something she’d told him in confidence against her. She may have been the weapon, but Bhelen was the murderer.

                “No, I swear by the stone I’m innocent.” Desperation clear in her voice, she blinked back her tears.

                “I had no doubt.” Harrowmont said. He handed her a fine dwarven blade, far superior to the blade she’d been given when she was escorted from the prison.

                “Make it count my Lady.” He turned away from her, “Open the gates for the exile!”

                Jolene felt a hard knot form in her gut as Harrowmont walked away and the doors to the deep roads opened before her. The pitch black ebbing out of the ancient doors beckoned to her. She walked towards her demise, leaving behind the city she would’ve given everything for as its ruler.

                “May the stone preserve me.” She thought to herself as the doors sealed behind her, trapping her with the stagnant air and the unrelenting darkness of the uninhabited caverns.  

Jolene cut her way through the deep roads, if this was to be her fate by the stone she was going to make it count. She deserved it, she’d killed her brother in cold blood on nothing but her younger brother’s word and some circumstantial evidence. She just hoped life on the surface would be kind to Gorim, oh Gorim. He was a good man, his name shouldn’t have been dragged through the mud with her.

                As she was thinking about her lover she realized it was quiet, quiet in the deep roads meant something Very Large had frightened everything else away. The thundering sound of Ogre footsteps confirmed her fear. Her heart was thundering in her chest as the beast made itself visible, her mouth was agape, she had fought darkspawn before but never an ogre much less armed with only a sword and wooden shield. The creature let out a deafening roar but all Jolene could hear was her own heartbeat, as if it were the loudest sound in the world. The monster looked at her and Jolene’s eyes darted to a tunnel nearby, it was far too small for the beast to get through but she could if she went right now. She ran as fast as she could, unashamed of herself as she made her way away from the beast. She heard rumbling and the sound of stones falling to the ground behind her, the cave she had made her escape in had collapsed at the entrance due to the Ogre’s banging on the wall. Jolene knew her fate was to die at darkspawn hands but she would rather it not be an Ogre if she could help it.

                She ran through the tunnel and saw the glorious dwarven made part of the deep roads that were once traveled by merchants and armies alike, as she emerged from her hole in the wall she was greeted by an expedition full of humans and a casteless dwarf.

                “Lady Aeducan, what brings you to the deep roads?” Duncan, the grey warden she had met in her father’s throne room. She regained her breath and answered the man,

                “I am no longer an Aeducan. I am an exile.” She said, eyes darting between Duncan and the casteless woman with him.

                “I assumed as much.” Duncan admitted. The casteless woman looked at Jolene questioningly,

                “Did you say Aeducan? As in- oh by the stone you’re her! You’re the princess aren’t you?”

                “Not anymore.” Jolene said, unable to meet even this casteless woman’s eyes.

                “If I remember correctly you wanted to be a Grey Warden, this isn’t how I wanted to recruit you but we still have a spot open.” Duncan said.

                “I don’t deserve the honor but I accept,” She went down on one knee, still exhausted from her journey through the deep roads.

                “No need to kneel Jolene.” Duncan said.

                With that Jolene stood up and joined the wardens, leaving the deep roads and their fate for her behind, along with everything she once held dear.


	2. City Elf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kallian Tabris is many things, but a coward isn't one of them. Yeah Duncan didn't recruit her but that will be explained later.

Kallian and Soris overheard Shianni screaming from the room next to them. Kallian kicked the door in, fuming at the sight before her. It took all of her restraint to not kill him right there, but he was too close to Shianni for her to risk it,

                “Get the fuck away from her you disgusting piece of filth!” She shouted, demanding the monster’s attention.

 Vaughn laughed as he got up and walked, no _sauntered_ over to where Kallian was standing. He placed a hand on her waist, the blood on her dress staining his hand a vibrant scarlet,

                “You’re not nearly as beautiful when you scowl like that. What do you say, forty sovereigns we forget any of this ever happened?” he smiled at her, voice like auditory slime.

                Kallian snarled as she buried a sword in Vaughn’s chest. Kicked him in the chest and swiftly beheaded him with her other blade. Kallian was dripping blood, it had soaked her from head to toe. Her wedding dress, once as white as the frostbacks was as red as the bloodstained path she’d left in her wake throughout the arl’s estate. All of it, all her actions over the past two hours, had led to this glorious moment of pure vengeance,

                “No deal.” She said as his head rolled toward her. She lifted her foot and rested it on his head, catching her breath for a moment. Breathing deeply she sheathed her weapons and ran over to her cousin,

                “Shianni, we’re going to get you and the others out of here okay?” Soris went over to Shianni and helped her to her feet.

                “They took the others…” Shianni trailed off.

                “I’ll find them” Kallian locked eyes with Soris, “You get Shianni out of here.”

                Kallian kicked open virtually every door in the estate, rescuing all the other women Vaughn and his shemlen bastards had kidnapped. She led her fellow survivors out of the estate and back to the alienage. When she and the others got back to the alienage she immediately went to her house to check on Shianni,

                “Shianni, I know you’re not exactly okay but, how are you?” She asked her cousin.

                “I’m fine, the others just think Vaughn roughed me up a bit, and I’d like to keep it that way.” Shianni said. Kallian nodded. Kallian and Soris exited the house only to be confronted by a city guardsman. He towered over five foot three Kallian but she still stood tall under his scrutinizing gaze.

                “We know it was an elf who killed the Arl’s son, I suggest you tell them to confess before we purge the entire alienage.” He said stoically, hand on his sword as if he were ready to cut them down at any sudden movement. Kallian’s eyes briefly darted to Soris, he had visibly paled. Kallian knew what fate they would suffer at the hands of these humans. She stepped into the guard’s personal space, tilted her head back so she was looking him dead in the eye,

                “It was me.”

                “You? All by yourself?” The guard seemed to doubt her.

                She scowled, “Find me another arl’s estate if you don’t believe me.”

                “I do not envy your fate, but you’ve spared many by turning yourself in. Maker have mercy on you.”

                “That won’t be necessary.” Deadrick, the Grey Warden she’d met earlier stepped forward.

                “This young woman has shown herself beyond capable in battle and willing to sacrifice herself for the greater good. I am invoking the right of conscription, her crimes are the Warden’s she is now my ward.” The elf said as he stood beside Kallian, barely an inch taller than her.

                “I’m not going to fight a Warden over one knife ear, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.” The guard shook his head as he walked out of the alienage.

                “Sir, I appreciate it but you didn’t need to do that.” Kallian didn’t want this man’s charity, even if it had spared her life. The humans would want justice and if they couldn’t get it from hanging her then they’d find some other way. Her finger ran over the wedding band she’d taken from Nelaros’ body. The shems would take what they wanted.

                “Oh, I didn’t do that out of charity, or to get that guard to leave. I’m actually recruiting you. You killed an entire estate full of armed guards with a stolen sword and sheer willpower. You’re exactly the kind of recruit the wardens need.”

                “But my father, my family you can’t just ask me to abandon them!” her mind raced as she thought of all those who relied on her. She had on more than one occasion left “random gifts” of stolen coin for the Suranas since Amadin vanished and Danya could hardly find any decent work since the incident with the templars. Her father shouldn’t have to work, she needed to stay and support him.

                “I’m not asking. You should say your goodbyes, we have a long way to go to Ostagar.” Deadrick said, crossing his arms. Kallian looked at Soris,

                “Well, you’ve always been my hero since we were kids. This just makes it official. I’ll take care of Cyrion, you go save the world.” He hugged his cousin, Kallian had been nearly inseparable from him and Shianni since they were kids. Leaving them would not be easy. She went into her house, for the last time. She hugged Shianni and Cyrion,

                “This may be the last time I see either of you. I love you more than anything, please please stay safe.” She bit her lip hard to distract herself from the tears that threatened to fall. She exited the house quickly. She spotted Chartan Surana, an old flame of hers. She walked over to him,

                “I heard what you did Kallian, I couldn’t be prouder to know you.” He said, looking at her like she had descended from the stars above. She couldn’t help but think how Nelaros had looked at her in much the same way before Vaughn’s guards cut him down. Her voice became chocked,

                “Yeah, I just did what I had to. I’m off to Ostagar. Apparently the wardens like bitchy elven mass murderers, you take care of yourself Chartan.” Kallian said.

                “If you’re ever in the deep roads… Keep your eyes out for Amadin okay?” He asked.

                “Of course I will.” Kallian promised. She took Chartan’s hand in her own for a brief moment before walking back to the Warden. The ghosts of memories bitter and sweet surrounding her. Seeing her childhood friend dragged away by Templars, Shianni smashing that bottle to Vaughn’s head, her mother…Her mother. She shook her head, no point in dwelling on the past of a city she might never return to.

                “I’m ready, well ready as I can possibly be.”

                Deadrick nodded,

                “We have no time to lose then.” He brought her over to his horse. He got on first and helped her on afterward. She’d never ridden a horse before and was a little intimidated.

                “Off to Ostagar.” He said as they left the Alienage.

                “Off to Ostagar.” Kallian said as she watched her home vanish before her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the city elf origin chapter. any and all feedback welcome! My tumblr is alinnsurana.


	3. Dalish Elf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Linara Mahariel could hardly have expected any of this shit would happen all she wanted to do was hang out with her boyfriend.

Linara felt an intense burn beneath her skin, as if her very blood was on fire. All she remembered was Tamlen touching some mirror, then everything went black. The keeper mentioned something about her having been very ill for a few days, but thankfully she seemed to be better. Linara just wanted to know where Tamlen was, they were _going_ to have a real talk when they got back to the camp but apparently he was still missing.

                “Can I look for him please? I’m the only one who knows how to find the ruins.”

                “I was about to ask you if you were strong enough to go da’len, take Merrill with you.”

                Linara headed towards Merrill. She spotted Fenarel, she went over to him.

                “You’re going to go look for Tamlen aren’t you?” Fenarel asked, voice teeming with hope. He and Tamlen had always been good friends.

                “Even the creators themselves couldn’t stop me.” Linara said.

                “I’d like to go with you, if you want me to.” Fenarel asked.

                “Of course, I’ll just tell Merrill we got Marethari’s permission.”

                The two hunters went over to Merrill.

                “Alright Merrill, we have to find Tamlen as soon as possible.”

                Merrill looked quizzically at Fenarel for a moment before nodding,

                “Lead the way Linara.” Merrill said.

                The trio was about halfway to the ruins before some dwarf sized, creators-know-whats attacked them. Linara drew her bow, Merrill cast spells and Fenarel ran over, sword in hand. An arrow hit Linara right in the shoulder. She dropped her bow, grimacing as she pulled the barbed arrow out of her shoulder. When she looked up Fenarel and Merrill were standing over her.

                “Are you okay lethallin?” Merrill asked as she helped Linara up.

                “I’m fine, why?” Linara asked.

                “You look really pale.” Merrill said.

                “Yeah, now that she mentions it you do look pretty sick.” Fenarel added

                “I’ll feel better when Tamlen is back at camp with the rest of us.” Linara said.

                The group trekked on. Stumbling across a small camp, there was an elven woman there.

                “By the dread wolf! Who are you?” Linara demanded.

                “Deadrick, Deadrick saved you. He’s looking in the ruins he found you in. He told me to wait here.” The woman replied.

                “That doesn’t explain who _you_ are.” Linara said.

                “She was with the Grey Warden who saved you.” Merrill said.

                “She was the one who told us how the Grey Warden came upon you.” Fenarel added.

                “We’re almost to the ruins. Our priority needs to be Tamlen.” Linara said walking right past the city elf.

                “I hope you find your clan mate.” The city elf said as the Dalish group passed her by.

                Linara continued relentlessly on her path to the ruins. She didn’t say anything as she led Fenarel and Merrill into the depths of the mysterious ruins. She walked throughout the building, shouting Tamlen’s name. Even as she was kicking giant spiders in the face her mind was focused on finding Tamlen. The group eventually made their way to the chamber Tamlen had touched that blighted mirror in.

                “You survived. I’m glad.” A dark skinned city elf said as he stood by the mirror.

                “Have you seen another Dalish warrior? Goes by Tamlen, short blond hair, round face?”

                The elf shook his head, “Ir abelas, but if your friend was here he is most certainly dead by now. You only survived because I brought you back to your keeper. Tamlen is most certainly dead by now or worse.”

                “Don’t say that! You don’t know Tamlen, if I survived then he could’ve too!” Linara protested.

                “He has had the taint inside him, unaided for three days. There is no hope.”

                “I don’t believe that! I’m not leaving without him.”

                The elf sighed, “Fine, look all you want you’ll find nothing. I’ll be outside the ruins.” The warden said.

                Linara grimaced as she searched the back tunnel of the ruins. Calling out for Tamlen again. She knew he had to be here somewhere, the flat ear might’ve given up on him but she would never. When it was clear he wasn’t in that part of the ruins she continued wandering through them, shouting Tamlen’s name till her throat went hoarse and even then still refusing to give up. She had no idea how much time passed, it had gotten significantly darker in the ruins from when she’d first entered them but she refused to stop the search. She was throwing open ancient sarcophagi in case he’d hidden in them. She saw a large pile of rubble that hadn’t been there the last time she was there. She kneeled beside it and began picking at it boulder by boulder. She went on like this for an unbearably long time.

Merrill wrapped her arms around Linara’s midsection as she pulled Linara out of the rubble she’d been hopelessly rummaging in for at least an hour.

                “Falon, ne nuvenin hamin. Tamlen’din.” _Friend, you need/must rest. Tamlen is dead._

                “Tamlen na’din, Tamlen na in durgenan.” _Tamlen isn’t dead, Tamlen is in this stone place_ Linara protested, she didn’t want to leave until the blight either consumed her or they had a body to grieve. Tamlen wouldn’t give up on her so she wasn’t giving up on him either.

                “Lethallan, ma suledin nadas. Ir abelas, Mahariel.” _My clanmante, you must endure. I’m sorry Mahariel._

“The warden is waiting outside.” Fenarel added in a defeated voice, he didn’t want to give up either but he knew there was no use in delaying the inevitable.

Linara felt the tears run down her face as she allowed Merrill and Fenarel to take her away from the rubble that was screaming at her for abandoning Tamlen to whatever fate would befall him without her. She couldn’t feel anything other than the all-consuming fear that she’d left Tamlen to a horrible death because she allowed Merrill to take her away from the ruins.

                Linara’s grief was renewed when Ashalle mentioned she’d hoped Tamlen and Linara would one day... Linara had held that same hope.

                Keeper Marethari was standing by the flat ear Warden and the other elf he’d been travelling with,

                “Ah, here she is.” He said as Linara came over to them.

                “Da’len, Warden Deadrick and I have come to an agreement about your cure.”

                “But, keeper you already cured me? I don’t understand why he and that other city elf are still here?” She gestured to the tan elven woman who was a little ways away from the warden she’d arrived with.

                “Her magic has only delayed the taint, the only cure is becoming a Grey warden. That’s why I’m still here.” Deadrick said.

                “You, want me to be a Grey Warden?” Linara asked. She looked at Marethari, “You’re sending me away?”

                “The clan couldn’t bear to see you waste away, I wouldn’t be doing this if there was any other way dalen.” Marethari assured her.

                Linara sighed, it was clear she didn’t have a choice in the matter, “I would be honored to join the Wardens. May I at least remain here for Tamlen’s funeral?” Her voice cracked.

                “I will not deny you that, but we must leave right after. You’re going to get sicker the longer we delay.”

                Linara nodded. She walked past the city elf woman to the hahren. He would need to organize a funeral service for Tamlen.

                During Tamlen’s funeral she asked if she could sing the eulogy song, the clan knew she would be leaving for the wardens after the service and wouldn’t deny her this request,

_Da’len na melana sahlin_

_emma ir abelas_

_souver'inan isala hamin_

_vhenan him dor'felas_

_in uthenera na revas_

_vir sulahn'nehn_

_vir dirthera_

_vir samahl la numin_

_vir lath sa'vunin_

She didn’t have the best singing voice and it cracked multiple times during the song but it was an unforgettable moment for the entire clan. While they were losing Tamlen they also knew they would be losing Linara in a not altogether different way. As Linara walked toward Deadrick, away from her clan for possibly the rest of her life she bit her lip to keep from sobbing once more. She put her hand on Merrill’s shoulder, she opened her mouth to say something to her but couldn’t find any words. She shook her head and went to shake hands with the keeper.

                She looked at her clan one last time. She whispered a prayer under her breath that they would be safe. She made eye contact with Merrill, her friend’s gaze was unwavering. Linara couldn’t bear to see her own pain reflected so pristinely in Merrill’s eyes and looked away. The image of her friend would forever be burned into her mind, a reminder that Tamlen wasn’t all she’d lost. As she turned away she felt someone throw their arms around her. She grabbed onto the arms around her as she realized it was Movran, her twin. She couldn’t bear to look at him. She could feel him shaking, she was losing her clan and he was losing the last of his family.

Deadrick gave her a look that expressed sympathy as well as the need to cut this short. She peeled her brother off of her and gave him the family necklace that was once their mother’s,

“Ir abelas mala suledin nadas, dareth shiral ma lin.” _I am sorry, now you must endure farewell my blood._

She walked away from the only life she had ever known, the only one she had ever wanted to know and walked toward the life of a grey warden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The elvish was directly translated so apologies if any of it was slightly off. "durgenan" means stone place and was the closest translation i could find to ruin.


	4. Magi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically gay mages.

“Lyonel I don’t know what to do… I can’t let them make Jowan tranquil, do you think I should tell Irving?” Alinn asked holding onto Lyonel in an attempt to steady himself. He felt guilty for drawing Lyonel into this mess but he was so scared, if they were caught the punishment for helping someone escape the circle would no doubt be worse than death.

                “If you tell Irving he’ll just have Jowan made tranquil. You _know_ he plays favorites and Jowan isn’t one of them. If it was you or me they were going to make tranquil maybe… You need to save him.” Lyonel said holding Alinn at arm’s length. Alinn was quivering with fear,

                “Till Templar or, t-till Templar or tranquility do us part.” Their vow they’d said so many times Alinn said now with a trembling voice. Alinn kissed Lyonel and went off to the chantry to tell Jowan he was going to help him.

                Once Alinn was out of sight Lyonel went right to First Enchanter Irving’s office.

“First Enchanter, I have some information you might find useful.” Lyonel said as he entered the office.

                “Lyonel? Come in, what is it?” Irving asked, seated at his desk. A pile of books behind him Lyonel distinctly remembered being in the library earlier in the week.

                “It concerns one of my fellow apprentices, a harrowed mage and a lay sister.” Lyonel said.

                “Names and details Amell.” Irving said, seemingly not invested in the discussion quite yet.

                “Jowan is going to be made tranquil, am I correct?” Lyonel asked already knowing the answer.

                “I suppose the sister told you that, it’s true.” Irving said.

                “Then I’m assuming you know he plans to leave the circle.” Lyonel said.

                “No, I didn’t. Although I am hardly surprised, how did you learn about this has he confided in you?”

                “Not me, Alinn told me.” Lyonel admitted, hoping Irving wouldn’t surprise him.

                “Why didn’t Alinn come to me himself?” Irving asked standing up from his desk.

                “He doesn’t know I’m here. You know how he is, he’s loyal to the point of borderline fatalism. Please sir, I know the Templars won’t show any mercy on Jowan but. You can tell them all about Jowan’s plan, you could tell them Alinn told you. I know neither of us want to see anything bad happen to him.” Lyonel laid it all out, he was taking the largest gamble of his life and betting the fate of the one mage who mattered the most to him.

                “I wish he’d come to me about this, I’ll do what I can. I’m glad you brought this matter to my attention Amell.” Irving said as he exited his office. Lyonel swallowed nervously as he slowly made his way back to the apprentice’s quarters. He heard the clamor of Templar armor pass by. Enough time had passed that maybe, just maybe the plan had worked. He slowly followed the Knight Commander and the First Enchanter. From around the corner he saw Jowan knock the entire room full of Templars and mages alike to the ground with his blood magic. He did nothing as Jowan ran off at full speed. He merely looked to see if Alinn was alright, he looked a little worse for wear but overall not too bad. Lyonel breathed a sigh of relief at that. He overheard Gregoir yelling about Alinn’s involvement in Jowan’s escape.

                “Jowan lied to me! He looked me in the eye and said he wasn’t a blood mage! I would’ve helped him anyway!” Alinn visibly blanched after he shouted his last sentence, fully aware of the possible consequences of his actions.

                “This is the mage you want to reward? He’s flagrantly disobeyed the rules of this circle and must be punished accordingly.” Gregoir demanded.

                _No. No no no, that’s not what’s supposed to happen._ Lyonel panicked, realizing his foolish attempt to cover his own blood magic and try and save Alinn at the same time looked like it was about to backfire big time. A Grey Warden human and two dwarven women walked past him.

                “It takes courage to stand by a friend at all costs, it’s that kind of bravery that would make this mage an excellent warden.” The Grey Warden man said.  
                “You, you want to make me a warden?” Alinn asked. Lyonel could hear the reverent disbelief in his voice, it was beautiful.

                “NO, I refuse to accept this.” Gregoir refuted. “This also doesn’t answer how you knew of Jowan’s plan, if he didn’t tell you.”

                “It was me.” Lyonel said, making his presence known.

                “Lyonel, you told Irving?” He looked thoroughly betrayed. His eyes like a swift dagger to the gut.

                “I did what I had to, I did this for you.” Lyonel said.

                “For me? What about Jowan? Is his life just some bargaining chip you used on the off chance it would help me?” Alinn was angry that much was clear. Lyonel understood but hoped that Alinn would at least see why he did what he did.

                “We both know Jowan isn’t going to last a week out there! But you, you have a real chance.” He nodded towards the Grey Warden, “I did what I had to to get you out of here.” He smiled a sad, soft smile at Alinn.

                “Lyonel, I might never see you again.” Alinn said, looking at Lyonel mournfully, “I love you.”

                “I know, I love you too believe me I do but at least you’re getting out.” Lyonel said tears threatening to fall at any moment.

                “Irving, this mage here. Is this the other one you were telling me about?” The warden asked.

                “Yes, that’s Amell.” Irving said.

                Lyonel looked at the warden, wiping his eyes, “You know of me, sir?” He was surprised to say the least.

                “Irving spoke very highly of both of you. The wardens could always use more mages.” The Warden said.

                “Duncan, Amell is an apprentice, he hasn’t even been harrowed yet!” Gregoir protested.

                “The harrowing changes nothing about the mage.” Alinn commented, “It’s just a test that really doesn’t prove much.” he bit his lip, mentally chastising himself to stop snarking the Knight Commander at every opportunity.

                “What the boy says is true, the Harrowing is a Circle practice, a warden doesn’t need to abide by circle law.” Irving pointed out.

                “I think they’d both make good additions to our ranks.” The dwarven woman with black hair said.

                “I would be honored to join the wardens.” Lyonel said.

                “As would I.” Alinn added, lacing his fingers through Lyonel’s.

                “Any punishment these mages would bear is now the warden’s I am taking them under my wing.” The warden said.

                Irving smiled, “Best of luck at Ostagar Duncan.”

                Gregoir was furious but said nothing.

                Duncan led his small flock of warden recruits out of the tower. Alinn tried to hide the fact that he was practically bursting with happiness. He looked at Lyonel, tears streaming down his face.

                “They can’t take you away from me, or me from you.”

                Lyonel pulled Alinn into a hug, “I never want to be apart from you for as long as I live.” He kissed Alinn before they followed Duncan out of the tower. It was a bit of a tight fit with six in the boat to shore but they made it work. The two mages couldn’t even try to hide how happy they were. Alinn pressed a kiss to Lyonel’s temple.

                “You two seem very happy.” The other dwarf woman said. Alinn noticed her mournful eyes and fiery hair.

                Lyonel wrapped his arm around Alinn’s shoulders,

                “We are.” He kissed the top of Alinn’s head, “We’re extremely happy.”

                She smiled at them,

                “It’s nice to see that even in this harsh world love still finds a way.”

                “What’s your name anyway, I’m not sure we’ve been properly introduced.” Alinn asked.

                “I’m another recruit, my name is Jolene.” She said.

                “I’m Natalia, also a recruit.” The black haired dwarf with bashed in teeth said.

                “I’m sure we’re not the only recruits. Wonder who else will be at Ostagar.” Natalia continued as she turned to watch the approaching shore. That thought permeated throughout the minds of the other recruits for the remainder of the boat ride as the shore got closer and the tower got smaller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is alinnsurana  
> any and all feedback appreciated!  
> I actually wrote something happy about these two?? what's the world coming to


	5. The Casteless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia takes shit from no man and for some reason everyone hates her teeth

Natalia looked at Leske in his cell, she raised an eyebrow at him and nodded toward the guard. He rolled his eyes in response. The guard was absolute shit in a fight Natalia knew that from experience.

                “Hey dickbag!” She called to the guard. Sticking her tongue out in a way that in any other situation would’ve been seductive. The guard walked over to her cell,

                “What do you want?” He demanded.

                “Just this.” She threw her arm around the back of his neck and bashed his face into the jail bars. She then grabbed both of his ears in order to get a better hold of him. She didn’t know how many times she bashed that sorry bastard’s face into the bars before she let him go and he fell to the ground with a squishy thud.

                “Gross.” She said as she took the keys off his belt and unlocked herself and Leske. She went over to the guard and took his dagger.

                “Alright Leske, looks like we’re gonna have to slaughter our way out of this shit hole.” Leske went over to a nearby barrel and took a shield and mace.

                “No time to lose then.” Leske said.

                Natalia and Leske opened the door, three carta members were there.

                “Oh fuck me.” Natalia sighed right before she and Leske annihilated them. She took the blood stained longsword from one of the corpses.

                “Hope there aren’t too many more.” Natalia said as she spat blood on the ground, one of the assholes bashed his hilt straight into her lips. She moved her tongue around her mouth and realized,

                “That fucker knocked my tooth out! If he wasn’t already dead I’d fucking murder him!” She snarled at the guilty corpse.

                “Nat, priorities?” Leske reminded her.

                “Yeah yeah let’s get the fuck out of here before Beraht finds out we got out.”

                Natalia and Leske continued on their destructive path to, well not freedom per-se so much as less imminent destruction. The duo killed yet another room full of carta thugs.

                “By the stone do these asses have some personal vendetta against my teeth or something? Did they just see me and think ‘fuck her teeth in particular’ for fucks sake man.” She said as she dragged her tongue along her now jagged teeth. She grunted as she opened the door, only a hallway stood between her and Beraht’s chamber.

                “Let’s do this shit Lesk.” Natalia said as she pushed open the door.

                “Now that Brosca’s out of the way we should pay her sister a visit.” Beraht said licking his lips like a wolf at the sight of a dead rabbit.

                “Do we get a turn?” One of Beraht’s henchmen asked.

                “Once I’m done.” Beraht said.

Then Natalia beat the shit out of everyone. More specifically Beraht and his two henchmen. No one threatened her sister like that and lived to tell the tale. She bashed her sword hilt into Beraht’s face she then punched him in the eye. She stabbed him in the gut and opened him up like a tear in a two sizes too small gown.

                “Rot in hell fucker.” She said as she buried her dagger in his neck. She looked around at the carnage she and Leske had made,

                “What do we do now?” He asked her.

                “I don’t know about you my friend, but I am getting home as fast as I can and getting my sis and my mom somewhere safe. The carta sure as hell ain’t going to be pleased at just about anything I did today.” She said.

                “We did.”

                “I’m the one who disgraced the provings, Leske if you run you can survive dust town. I can’t.” She said. Neither of them said anything else as they escaped the hideout. Only to find four Orzammar gaurds and a human standing at the exit.

                “Oh fuck me.” Natalia muttered under her breath. If any of the guards heard her they chose to ignore her as they read her sentence,

                “For the crime of touching a weapon, you will lose your right hand. For impersonating someone of a higher caste you will be flayed in the streets. For disgracing the entire warrior caste you will be put to death.” The guard said. Natalia saw Rica standing behind the guards, looking positively horrified.

                “She has proven herself the best warrior in Orzammar, your warrior caste could learn a few things from her.” The human said.

                “I am invoking the right of conscription, the wardens need fierce warriors like her.” He said.

                The guards looked scandalized as they looked from Natalia to the man and back again.

                “Glad you’re finally getting out of this shit hole Nat.” Leske clapped her on the back.

                Natalia smiled at her friend as he passed her by. She went over to Rica who was positively beaming,

                “You’ll be great I just know it! You stay safe okay?” She said. Natalia threw her arms around her sister,

                “You stay safe to Rica, I love you.” She said into her sister’s shoulder.

                “I love you too.” Rica replied as Natalia let her go.

                “So, what exactly does a warden do again?” She asked the human.

                The man sighed, “We end the blights, fight darkspawn. I’ll explain more when we go to Ostagar.”

                “Alright sir, lead the way.” Natalia said. The man could’ve led her into the bowels of the deep roads and it would still be better than life under Beraht’s thumb. Little did she know the bowels of the deep roads is exactly where they were going next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is a bit shorter than the others but oh well, next ones will be longer I promise


	6. Human Noble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirah will kick everyone's ass and lacks social graces but its okay

Mirah admired herself in the mirror, her muscles apparent in her sleeveless dress. Her arms could wield a sword and shield as well as any man and it showed,

“Maker, I am a sight to behold.” She smiled to herself. She elbowed the air in front of her, she’d had a fruitful training session that morning and was aching for the chance to prove her mettle in battle. But of course she was stuck making sure Highever didn’t fall while her father and brother got all the glory in the battle against the darkspawn.

 She held back her hair to see how she looked without it hanging in her face, her mother had always told her she had such delicate features. Mirah didn’t want anyone to look at her and see _delicate._ Holding her hair back with one hand she bared her teeth at her reflection, contorting her face into a violent snarl. The corners of her mouth turned up, that was the side of herself she wanted the world to see.

She didn’t want to be seen as a noblewoman, she wanted to be a terror, to strike fear into the hearts of men. She wanted to be the monster in the woods mothers warned their children about. She wanted the darkness and the bloodlust in her heart to be visible on the surface. She wanted the world to know she was no gentle lady, she was a force beyond comprehension. The world would one day quake when she approached and she looked forward to that day with glee.

 She let her hair fall, a few stray strands falling into her face, her mother would’ve preferred she tie it back but Mirah loved it. Even when she was training and should’ve tied her hair back for practical purposes she let it be free. She didn’t want any enemy of hers to forget they were fighting a woman. A woman who would gut them without a second thought. A woman who could be just as merciless as any Avaar warlord or Orlesian Chevalier.

While her mind flooded with images of blood stained battlefields she had to at least act like a civilized lady while her family was entertaining lady Landra and her son Darrien. She was tired of everyone insinuating that she and Darrien should marry, she knew he would make her retire her sword and shield, she would do that for no man. She ruffled her hair a little bit, smirking as it settled around her. She descended the stairs and headed to the grand hall. When she entered the room she could feel the beady eyes of every single person go to her. She was always such a shock, wild hair, sleeveless dress. As if she didn’t look different enough from the rest of her family naturally. She sat next to her brother Fergus. Darrien was seated across from her at the table,

“That’s a lovely dress lady Cousland.” He said.

“Thank you, I had it custom made, too much muscle for sleeves.” She said maintaining eye contact with the man who looked like he’d never held a sword in his life.

“Its certainly an, interesting choice.” He said.

“Well I certainly try to be interesting.” She said as she sipped her wine.

The rest of dinner was fairly silent on Mirah’s part. After dinner she went to her chambers. She stepped out of her dress and looked down at herself. Her body was bulky muscle, she hated that the dresses she wore hid that from the world. She wanted visiting lords to know she could crush a dragon skull between her thighs, she wanted them to know she had abs of veridium. She decided that what she really needed before she was estate sitting while her father and brother got the glory was a long bath.

She scattered a handful of embrium petals in the bathwater before she got in. She loved the smell of them. It felt nice to wash the grime off of herself from her training session she’d had that morning. She submerged herself in the water briefly. She stepped out of the bath and wrapped a towel around herself as she headed to her dresser. She put on her sleepwear and went to bed. Asher sat at the foot of her bed,

“Why would I need a husband when I have a wardog?” Mirah said as she leaned over to pet her faithful companion. She laid her head back onto her pillow, at least she would have plenty of time to train while she was watching over the estate.

She awoke later in the night to Asher barking at the door. Mirah was only half awake but she had a feeling in her gut that something was wrong. She put on her armor and grabbed her weapons as she opened the door, two of Arl Howe’s men were at her door.

“You bastards!” She yelled as she cut the men down. They’d hardly had a chance to knock their arrows. She entered the hallway, two more men were there. Asher leapt on one of them while Mirah knocked the other one to the ground. She made him look her in the eyes as she buried her sword in his neck. She yanked her blade out of his neck and banged on her parent’s chamber door. She had to know if her parents were alive.

“Mirah I heard, oh maker those are Howe’s men!” Her mother was also in her armor and had apparently taken her old bow back out for use once more.

“Mother, we need to check on Oriana and Oren.” Mirah said, realizing she hadn’t heard even a scream from her brother’s room since she was awoken.

“Oh maker you don’t think they’d-“ She was cut off as Mirah ran to her brother’s room and threw open the door. She gasped as she saw her massacred sister-in-law and nephew.

“No!” Eleanor cried out, falling to her knees beside her grandson.

“Mother, we have to keep going.” Mirah said. She wanted to find every single one of Howe’s men and butcher them, the longer they waited the higher the chance that everyone else in the castle would die.

“What’s the point?” Eleanor sobbed.

“Mother. There’s no use sitting here, we can mourn once we’re out of here alive! We need to find father.”

“You’re right, we need to find your father.” Eleanor said as she got off the floor.

Mirah led the way toward the lower level of the castle, she heard her mother muttering about Lady Landra. Mirah could only assume she’d been slain as well. She entered the courtyard, her mother and her wardog at her side.

“For the Couslands!” Mirah yelled as she charged at five of Howe’s men. Her sword went all the way through one of them. She saw her mother’s arrows take down another. This wasn’t how she’d wanted to prove her mettle but she would do it anyway. When she and her mother made it to the reception hall she found that the main doors had held, at least for the moment.

“Thank the maker you’re alive my Lady.” Ser Gilmore said in between heavy breaths.

“I’m glad you’re alright, have you seen my father?” Mirah asked.

“I haven’t seen the Teyrn, I’m sorry my lady.” Gilmore said.

“Mirah we need to get out of here.” Eleanor said.

“Gilmore, come with us.” She didn’t want her friend to die a pointless death.

“I’m sworn to protect. I will keep the gates for as long as I can you just need to get out of here.”

“But-”

“Mirah! Go, I’ll be fine.” Gilmore yelled over the sound of distant fighting.

Mirah didn’t want to admit the idea of Ser Gilmore dying while she ran away hurt her deeply. She nodded her head solemnly as her mother began to head toward the kitchens.

“There’s an escape route in the larder.” She said.

Mirah ran through the kitchen and made her way to the Larder. She opened the door, her father was on the floor, bleeding badly,

“Father!” Mirah gasped as she ran to her father’s side.

“Bryce, Bryce no.” Eleanor said as she knelt beside him, assessing his wounds.

“The escape hatch is right there, if we go now we might have a chance.” Mirah insisted.

“There’s no point pup. I’m too weak to move.” Bryce said.

“I will carry you.” Mirah said.

“Go, tell Cailan, tell anyone who will listen what’s transpired here.” Eleanor said.

“Come with me, I won’t ask twice.” Mirah said as she went down the hidden staircase into the hidden network of tunnels below the estate. She trudged on, knowing her mother wouldn’t go where her husband couldn’t follow. She sheathed her sword as she walked, no one would find her or her dog down here. She looked at the blood on her hands, it was so much but also not nearly enough. She needed the blood of Rendon Howe before she would be satisfied. She absentmindedly licked her lip, she tasted blood. Mirah wiped the blood off her lip with a single finger. She was going to make every single Howe pay for what they’d done. She could still hear remnants of fighting above her, she hurried her pace. If she was going to escape with her life she would have to hurry.

                She ran down the tunnel beneath Highever estate. She found herself in a partially flooded storm tunnel, she waded through the water, her boots turning the once clearish water a muddy crimson. She reached the grate that stood between herself and freedom. She smashed her shield into the rusted locks. Paired with a swift kick the door was open.

                She emerged a few miles away from Highever estate. She looked over her shoulder, it looked perfectly calm. She could almost pretend it wasn’t falling apart at the hands of a traitor and his men within. She looked away, Asher ran into the woods,

                “Oh shit, wait for me!” She called as she ran after her dog, the only living creature left in the world who mattered to her. She ran through the trees and undergrowth. Asher was easy to spot against the dull browns and greens of the woods. She silently hoped she wouldn’t run into any Dalish while she was chasing her dog, she didn’t much feel like slaughtering an entire clan tonight.

                She heard someone up ahead. They were talking to her dog.

                “I doubt you’re alone, where is your counterpart?” A man’s voice asked the dog.

                “He’s mine.” Mirah said as she approached the man, no the elf. She realized her dog had stumbled upon three traveling elves. One of whom was Dalish and had her bow pointing right at her.

“Linara, no need to be hostile.” The man said. The Dalish muttered something in some tongue Mirah didn’t understand and put her bow away.

                “Deadrick, this shem is covered in blood, why shouldn’t we be cautious?” The other elf woman asked.

                “I’m right here, don’t talk about me as if I’m not here.” Mirah said, sneering at the clearly alienage born elven woman.

                “I’m Warden Deadrick, these are my recruits. Who are you?” Deadrick asked.

                “I’m Mirah, Mirah Cousland. Last of my name, currently fleeing for my life due to the actions of a traitor.” Mirah said, still catching her breath.

                “Cousland, as in daughter of Bryce Cousland?” Deadrick asked.

                “I’m surprised someone like you knows my father’s name.”

                “Might not want to condescend the only chance you have of surviving.” Deadrick deadpanned.

                “How exactly are you my only chance of surviving?” Mirah asked.

                “You honestly think you weren’t followed?” Deadrick asked.

                Mirah looked over her shoulder quickly, she knew she’d left the larder door open in case her mother followed her. She hadn’t even thought about the possibility of being followed out into the woods.

                “Come with us, we wardens could always use another warrior. Plus King Cailan will no doubt want to hear about what’s happened to your family.” Deadrick offered.

                “Why do you want me to join you?” Mirah asked, unsure if she trusted the random elf she met in the woods.

                “I’ve heard about your abilities with a sword and shield. To be honest we wardens have been wanting to talk to you about joining for some time, granted this is _not_ how I wanted to recruit you but I’ll take it.” He held out his hand

                She narrowed her eyes before shaking his hand, “I accept your offer, now get me the hell out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this chapter is really long. Hope you don't mind, well let me know what you think! this is my first attempt at an actual long fic.


	7. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadrick and his recruits arrived at ostagar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a rape mention in this chapter it is extremely brief and goes into no detail but if you want to avoid it it starts with "Are you from the alienage" and ends at "What?"

Deadrick arrived with his recruits around midafternoon. The King approached them,

                “Ho, Deadrick these must be the recruits you told me about.” He looked at Linara. “You’re Dalish am I right? I don’t believe I’ve ever met one of your people before.”

                Linara, who was leaning on Kallian for strength looked the king dead in the eyes, “seth'lin” _Thin blood._

                Deadrick side eyed Linara.

                “She doesn’t speak much of the common tongue your highness.”

                “I do.” Kallian piped up, holding Linara’s arm to keep her friend from collapsing.

                “Are you from an alienage? My father never allowed me to visit one.”

                “Yeah, I’m from the Denerim Alienage and I killed an Arl’s son for raping my cousin and kidnapping me on my wedding day.” Kallian deadpanned.

                “What?” Cailan looked genuinely shocked.

                “My family was slaughtered by Arl Howe and his traitorous men. I’m the last of the Couslands.” Mirah added, stepping in front of the elven women.

                Cailan looked at Mirah and Kallian with great concern,

                “I will speak to both of you after the battle, these are both incredibly serious matters.”

                However the king had to leave and the recruits were left with Deadrick once more. He looked at the three women he had brought here. Each one had her own strengths and weakness, each one had her own method in battle and her own weapon of choice. He knew these three would one day become an unstoppable team if they could just get along for more than three minutes at a time.

                “I have business to attend to, you three make yourselves at home and please, don’t get into any fights while I’m gone.”

                “Aye aye captian.” Kallian said, even doing a mock salute.

                “Show some respect to your betters dagger happy wench.” Mirah said looking down on Kallian in pretty much every sense of the word.

                “What, like you? You call him ‘Warden Knife ear’ when you think none of us are paying attention. Besides, there’s a difference between a joke and a slur. Something those fancy tutors of yours apparently didn’t teach you.” Kallian said hands on her hips. Linara tugged on her shirt and whispered in her ear,

                “Ir isala, _healer_ please falon?”

                Kallian nodded, “Of course.” She walked away from Mirah, holding her friend’s arm. Linara had been steadily getting sicker as they had traveled to Ostagar, Kallian didn’t say anything but she was worried about her. Linara didn’t want to show it but she was truly getting sicker by the day, she hoped Deadrick wouldn’t delay her cure for much longer. Linara was shivering, she wasn’t used to the mountain weather. Kallian stopped and took off her cloak, draping it over Linara’s shoulders,

                “I cannot take this, you’ll freeze…” Linara said.

                “I can handle whatever nature wants to throw at me, I’m used to threadbare blankets and huddling for warmth. You’re used to animal pelts you need it more than me. Now let’s get you to those healers!” Kallian smiled at the Dalish woman. They made their way over to the medical area of Ostagar,

                “Hello, my friend here isn’t feeling well. Do you have anything that can make her steadier on her feet? Or maybe just make her feel better?” she asked the first healer she saw.

                “What’s wrong with her?” The healer asked, looking at Linara quizzically.

                “Well she has the taint. But it’ll be okay we’re warden recruits, but in the meantime can you help her?”

                “Get her away! The last thing I need is for anyone to get, _that._ ” The healer held her hands out in front of her, pushing Kallian back.

                “Ugh, rude.” Kallian said. “Come on Linara, we should go.” She lead her friend away from the healers and right over to Deadrick of all people,

                “Deadrick you need to give her this cure as soon as possible.” She gestured to Linara, who put her hand on Kallian’s gently forcing it back down,

                “I can speak to him myself.” She looked at Deadrick, “I am getting sicker by the day, I need this so called cure or I will end up dying anyway.”

                “I would give you the cure right now if it were possible but we have to wait until Duncan shows up with his recruits.” Deadrick said, eyes full of sympathy.

                “What if I die before they show up?” Linara breathed out.

                “That’s not going to happen.”

                “If you dragged me away from my clan just to have me die surrounded by shemlen ma elgar’s shem’nan.” She said, slipping into her native tongue seamlessly.

                “Threats will get you nowhere in the wardens. You will have your cure as soon as possible.  I swear it Mahariel.” Deadrick said, “For now you should rest, I have a feeling Duncan’s recruits will be here tomorrow and there will be much to do.” Deadrick was as vague as ever as he walked away, movements precise as if he was born a soldier. Linara took note of the fact that his arms were almost always crossed behind his back as he walked, it seemed rather unusual. She wondered what Warden Deadrick’s story was, perhaps she would ask him one day and he would tell her. For now she and Kallian were dead tired. The two elves went to their tent. Linara collapsed onto her bedroll almost immediately.

                “I can’t believe we have to wait till Duncan’s recruits get here before I can get my cure. And that healer wouldn’t even touch me!” Linara vented her frustration.

                “At least she was cute.” Kallian said as she twirled with a lock of her hair before realizing what she’d said. She hoped that wouldn’t be an issue. She liked Linara and would really hate it if she turned out to be against such a huge part of who Kallian is.

                “Be that as it may she still could’ve at least tried to help me.” Linara continued.

                “So, me liking other women isn’t going to be a problem?” Kallian turned so she was laying on her side facing Linara.

                “Of course not, I like women too.” Linara said as she turned her head to her friend. “Did you leave behind someone special in the alienage?”

                “Not in that way, there were cute girls in the alienage but none of them seemed interested. There were also a decent number of cute guys who _were_ interested. But no, did you?”

                “Tamlen and I were almost… And I used to have a massive thing for Merrill but I don’t think she ever noticed.” Linara said.

                “Do you think Mirah would hate us even more if she knew we fancied ladies?” Kallian joked.

                “I doubt it, she hates us because we’re elves. Besides I get the sense she prefers the company of other women more than a noblewoman like her would be allowed to admit.”

                “What pray tell made you think that?” Kallian asked.

                “She was staring at your ass the other day when you weren’t looking.” Linara smirked.

                “You’re kidding!” Kallian laughed, not that someone thought she had a nice ass was funny, but that Mirah who showed so much contempt for her, thought she had a nice ass was hilarious.

                “I am deadly serious, she was checking you out.” Linara said.

                Kallian and Linara were both laughing at this point. Neither of them noticed Mirah enter the tent until she cleared her throat,

                “What’s so funny?” She asked.

                Kallian got her laughter under control first, “Oh, you wouldn’t understand. Elf humor.” She said.

                “Well it’s late, we’re likely to have a rough day tomorrow. If you two want to giggle like children you can do so outside of the tent. I’m getting some sleep.” Mirah walked over to her bedroll and was asleep almost instantly. Kallian and Linara smiled at each other before they too fell asleep.


	8. Union

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duncan's recruits arrive. Unexpected Reunions and the wilds are just up ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some minor instances of misgendering in this chapter. its really brief, if you want to avoid it it starts with "Lyonel,  
> and ends with "I'm sure"

  

Kallian and Linara joined the other recruits around the fire mid afternoon. Jory and Daveth must’ve gotten there soon after Mirah as the three were already in the midst of a discussion when the elves showed up.

                “Figures Deadrick would bring a bunch of elves.” Daveth said.

                “Is that going to be a problem?” Kallian snapped.

                “Oh, I didn’t mean nothing by it” Daveth began.

                “Well guess what? Words have meaning regardless of what you want them to mean.”

                “Say, did you hear anything about who the other recruits are?” Jory interrupted.

                “I heard two dwarfs.” Mirah said.

                “I heard two mages…” Daveth said.

                “Oh maker’s dick _two_ mages? Do we really need more those disasters waiting to happen around here?” Mirah asked.

                “Mages are a treasure to our people! It is a blessing from the gods, by the dread wolf you humans have everything backwards don’t you?” Linara said.

                “Wait, she speaks the king’s tongue?” Daveth asked, pointing at Linara.

                “Ar tu na'din.” Linara said. _I will kill you._

“Might not want to push your luck with us.” Kallian said, she had no idea what Linara had said but she could tell from her friend’s tone that it wasn’t particularly friendly.

                Two dwarven women similar only in stature and skin color approached the recruits around Duncan’s fire. They sat on different logs, the black haired one next to Daveth and the red head next to Jory.

                “Are you the recruits Duncan brought?” Kallian asked.

                “We’re two of them. The other two are probably making out in some forgotten corner where they think no one can find them.” She laughed a bit. Kallian noticed she had a lovely smile, imperfect teeth and all complemented by the fire adding a layer of warm overtones to her face.

                “Oh give them some credit Natalia, they’ve been very professional when we were travelling.” The dark auburn haired dwarf said.

                “Oh great, we’ve got a mushy couple with us as well?” Mirah side-eyed Linara and Kallian “Just what we need.”

                “So, what are your names?” Kallian asked, pointedly ignoring Mirah’s insinuation.

                “I’m Natalia.” The dwarf with chipped teeth said as she ran her fingers through her choppy hair. Kallian couldn’t help but notice how soft it looked, she wondered what it would be like to run her fingers through it. She snapped back to reality _“No little gay thoughts, not now”_ she mentally chastised herself.

                “My name is Jolene.” The other dwarven woman said absentmindedly tracing her facial tattoo, which looked very different from Natalia’s.

                “Ah, fuck two mages on their way.” Mirah groaned. Kallian turned around to see them.

                The two mages were very easy to spot, they were practically joined at the hip. The elf was significantly shorter than his human counterpart. They both had long dark hair. The elf’s robes were a slightly different color. As the two came closer Kallian recognized the elf. She squealed like she was six years old again,

                “Alinn!” She practically leapt over the log she’d been sitting on moments before. She ran towards him with arms outstretched. A moment of confusion on his part and he recognized her as well and ran into her embrace. When they collided she wrapped her arms around him and spun him around he was still light enough for her to pick him up, just like when they were kids. The two began laughing as they continued their hug. She peppered his face with kisses, before pulling him into another vice like hug. When Kallian let Alinn out of her iron grip she realized they’d both started crying. Purer tears had never fallen from her face.

                “Maker’s breath, it’s been a while hasn’t it?” Alinn joked as he wiped the tears from his face.

                “Yeah, ten years.” Kallian said, hands still resting on Alinn’s shoulders, as if he would fade away if she let him go. She looked at the other mage, then back to Alinn,

                “You’ve certainly done well for yourself.” She said with a wink. Alinn’s face went pink,

                “I swear you’re worse than Danya, speaking of- what happened to my family? Last thing I remember we were going to flee the city…”

                “What? Oh Alinn they’re still in Denerim, at first it was in case you escaped. Then when Victor- oh, you don’t know about Victorhea do you?” Kallian said, realizing Alinn had missed quite a bit in his decade of imprisonment.

                “What happened to her?” Alinn’s mind flooded with images of plague, hate crimes and starvation.

                “You mean, she wasn’t at the circle with you?” Kallian had no idea how many circles were in Ferelden, she’d only heard of the tower on the lake.

                “Victorhea is a mage too?” Alinn wasn’t exactly shocked, his father was an apostate so it wasn’t surprising that he wasn’t the only one to inherit the abilities.

                “They separate families.” The human mage added.

                “I’m Lyonel Amell.” He said walking over to Kallian and holding out his hand. She took it and gave him a decent handshake.

                “I’m Kallian, Tabris.” She replied.

                “Lyonel, what’s your lady friend’s name?” Daveth asked, gesturing to Alinn.

                “I’m not a woman.” Alinn said, eyes narrowed.

                “You sure? Your voice and hips would suggest otherwise.” Daveth continued sounding more confused than anything else.

                “I’m sure, now you better stop your line of questioning if you don’t want to know why mages are feared.” Alinn said, a clenched fist beginning to smoke.

                “I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t a man.” Lyonel said as he wrapped an arm around Alinn’s waist.

                “Are you kids playing nice?” Deadrick asked as he and Duncan approached the fire.

                “Yes sir.” Alinn said, immediately stiffening.

                “We must begin the joining immediately.” Duncan said, eyes remaining on Linara a split second longer than the other recruits.

                “You will have two tasks” Deadrick began, “You will enter the wilds and retrieve a vial of darkspawn blood, each of you will have your own vial.”

                “And second, there is an abandoned Grey Warden fort in the wilds, there are ancient treaties there that you must retrieve.” Duncan said.

                “So that’s it? Get some blood some paper and we’re in the clear?” Natalia asked.

                “When you return we will tell you the rest, Alistair will be going with you.” Deadrick said.

                “No offense ser but I think there’s enough of us already.” Mirah pointed out.

                “Only two of you have faced darkspawn before, he’s going with you.” Duncan said.

                “Let’s get going then, we have a limited amount of daylight left.” Alinn said to no one in particular.

                “As long as the robes stay faaar away from me.” Mirah said as she took to the front of the group. Lyonel pointedly walked right beside her. The group of Warden recruits entered the wilds aware but unaware of the danger that lay before them.


	9. Enter the Wilds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it says on the label

Lyonel walked next to Mirah. He noticed her hand was resting on her sword hilt, he gave her the benefit of the doubt as to her exact reasoning behind that.

                “So, Mirah right?” Before he had time to finish his question Linara had shot an arrow right past his face he followed the arrow’s path and saw the wolf Linara must’ve spotted. A choir of angry growls and howls signaled the rest of the pack to attack the warden hopefuls. Lyonel’s fire came from his fingertips in waves, the smell of burnt fur surrounding them. As the final wolf fell to the hunter’s arrow Lyonel put his staff away. He felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned to see who it was. It was the tiny city elf, Kallian. She was catching her breath as she spoke,

                “That, was impressive Amell.” She half smiled at him, the kind of smile that said “let’s fuck shit up and hope we don’t get arrested” Lyonel liked this girl.

                “None too shabby yourself Tabris.” He said.

                “So Lyonel, as the stand in for Alinn’s _very_ protective older sisters I have to ask,” She threw her arm around his shoulder, pulling him down to her height. “you care about him right? You’re not just pulling him along because he’s nice to look at or anything like that? Because if so you’re going to have a small army of _very_ pissed off elves to deal with.”

                Lyonel made eye contact with the elf, her piercing green eyes a stark contrast against her tan skin and dusty blonde hair. “I assure you, I love him. I’ve been with him for three years and plan to be with him as long as he’ll have me. Neither you or the rest of his family have any need to worry.”

                “I’m not related to him actually.” Kallian said, removing her arm from Lyonel’s shoulders.

                “You don’t have to share blood to be family.” Lyonel pointed out.

                Kallian smiled, “You’re alright, for a shem.” She lightly punched him in the arm. Lyonel smirked at her. He saw an injured man up ahead on the path. Mirah apparently spotted him at the same time and rushed over to him,

                “What happened to you?” Mirah asked.

                “He needs a healer, get out of my way.” Lyonel demanded.

                “I have bandages in my pack, there’s no need.” Alistair said.

                Lyonel narrowed his eyes as Mirah got up allowing Alistair to bandage up the injured soldier. He rubbed his thumb into the palm of his hand, he was a healer, what was his purpose if not to heal? He moved aside to let the limping soldier pass him by.

                “Did you hear that? An entire squad of experienced soldiers, this is dangerous we should go back.” Jory said.

                “Are all humans such cowards?” Linara asked, looking at Jory as if he were a pile on animal dung.

                “I’m no coward, but this is foolish and reckless.” Jory defended himself.

                “Because that doesn’t sound like something a coward would say at all.” Lyonel muttered under his breath.

                “The spawn aren’t going to take us by surprise, that’s why I’m here. There are darkspawn about but we’re in no danger of walking into the bulk of the horde.” Alistair said.

                “You see ser knight we might die but we’ll know about it first.” Daveth said.

                “I’ve got magic at my command, we’ll be fine.” Alinn said. Lyonel was thinking the same thing.

                “That is, reassuring.” Jory said, not sounding entirely convinced.

                Lyonel rolled his eyes as the group finally began moving again. Mirah tried to step in front of him,

                “Do you mind?” He asked.

                “Yes, now get out of my way.” She said, slamming her shoulder into him.

                “No need to be rude.” He said as he regained his balance.

                “Just like we don’t need two walking bombs yet here we are.” She replied venomously.

                “Mages aren’t walking bombs,” He considered making a pun but decided Mirah wasn’t worthy of his humor, “We’re humans and elves just like everyone else here. And I don’t appreciate direct hostility from someone who I’m allegedly supposed to be able to trust with my life.”

                “Tevinter.” She replied.

                “Is not a justification for imprisoning mages from the time they’re seven till they die!”

                “Will you two shut the hell up? The darkspawn heard us!” Natalia butted in.

                “Oh fuck.” Lyonel breathed as about thirteen darkspawn ran towards the group. They were mostly the short kind, Lyonel kicked one in the face and focused on the one trying to climb up Kallian’s back. The battle was unexpected but over fairly quickly. Lyonel and most of the other recruits filled their vials with darkspawn blood. Lyonel looked back and saw Alinn had a nasty cut on his forehead,

                “You doing alright back there ma halla?”

                “I’m fine emma lath, don’t worry.” He said as he began walking beside him.

                “Worrying is my job.” He pressed a kiss to Alinn’s temple, healing magic closing the cut on his forehead instantly.

                “I thought you didn’t speak elvish?” Linara asked.

                “Just those phrases, they’re what my parents used to call each other.” Alinn replied.

                “That’s meaningful.” Linara said.

                “I think we’re getting close to the old fortress.” Alistair said.

                “Aaaand we’ve got company.” Lyonel said, pulling out his staff as the Hurlocks approached.

                A heavily armored Hurlock ran right toward the front of the group. Lyonel shot a bolt of lightning at it, as he did he felt an arrow whiz past his ear. He looked over his shoulder to see Linara who had apparently leapt into the air to get a better shot at the Hurlock, she was either an expert markswoman or she was willing to risk shooting Lyonel in the back of the head. All Lyonel cared about was that she’d hit her mark. Mirah stabbed a genlock in the face, Jory took down a Hurlock with his blade. The battle was over quickly with so many skilled recruits.

                When the battle was over Lyonel was completely drained of mana, gripping his staff in order to remain standing.

                “Mage, get over here!” Mirah called. Lyonel glanced over to her, her leg was bleeding badly.

                “Oh, that’s nasty.” Lyonel said, forehead still resting on his staff.

                “You’re a healer aren’t you? Heal me.” She said.

                “I’m, out of mana. You’ll have to deal with it like the rest of us.” He said between shaky breaths.

                “I see how it is.” Mirah muttered under her breath.

                Lyonel squinted at Mirah, “Do you really think I’m so petty that I, a healer would refuse to heal someone just because they’re rude? You certainly have a low opinion of people don’t you?”

                “You two can continue your little pissing contest after we get the documents and get the hell out of here.” Natalia said.

                “She’s right, won’t be long before its dark out and navigating our way back won’t be fun.” Alinn said, putting his hand on Lyonel’s arm.

                The group of recruits entered the long abandoned fortress, Alinn went over to a partially buried chest, its top had been broken in by some massive weapon anything that had once been in it was now long gone. He got up to tell the others if the treaties were here they were long gone when a voice came from the fortress,

                “Well well, what have we here? Scavengers here to pick from a corpse whose bones were long since cleaned?” A dark haired woman with violet lips and a dark maroon shirt approached the group.

                “So what are you? Intruder or scavenger?” She asked.

                “I wouldn’t talk to her if I were you, she looks Chasind.” Alistair said.

                “You fear barbarians will swoop down upon you?” The woman asked, raising her arms for effect.

                “Yes, swooping is _bad_.” Alistair said.

                “You,” she pointed at Kallian, “Women do not frighten like little boys, what say you?”

                “Uh, can you give us the treaties?” She asked, a little unsure why the woman of the wilds picked her over the rest.

                “I cannot for tis not I who took them, twas my mother.”

                “Caaaan you take us to her?” Kallian asked, very careful with her word choice.

                “Such a sensible request, I like you.” She said.

                “Careful first it’s ‘I like you’ then Zap frog time.” Alistair said.

                Alinn muttered in Lyonel’s ear, “One more frog comment and I might actually do it.”

                Lyonel smirked at his lover’s annoyance, he admitted to himself that he was feeling much the same way about all the frankly unoriginal frog comments.

                The group followed the witch of the wilds to an old hut in the depths of the wilds. An old woman in withered clothes was standing outside the hut, arms folded as Morrigan brought the recruits to her mother.

                “A witch of the wilds, we should be careful.” Daveth said.

                “Hush Daveth, if she’s really a witch do you want to make her mad?” Jory replied.

                “A smart boy, but ultimately irrelevant.” The old woman said.

                “We were told you have grey warden property.” Jolene said.

                “I do, here are your treaties, your seal wore off long ago I protected them.” She said as she handed the ancient scrolls to Linara, who happened to be the closest at the time.

                “Oh, you protected them?” Alistair said, surprised by her actions.

                “Is that so surprising?” She said.

                “Thank you.” Kallian spoke up, since no one else seemed to be thinking about it.

                “Such manners! Always in the last place you look for them, like stockings. You should warn Duncan that this blight is worse than he expects.”

                “Yes yes, now if you’ll kindly see yourselves out-” Morrigan began.

                “Don’t be silly girl, these are your guests.” Her mother interrupted.

                Morrigan sighed, “Fine, let me show you out of the wilds.”

                The group made their way back to Ostagar without incident. Linara held the treaties as if she were afraid they would disintegrate in her grasp, probably not a completely unjustified fear. The group made their way to Duncan’s fire, Alinn went over to the dog kennels, something about a flower. They arrived at Duncan’s fire,

                “Here are the treaties sir.” Linara said as she gave them to the commander.

                “We must begin the joining immediately.” Duncan said as he put the papers away.

                “I’ll let the mages know.” Deadrick said before heading toward the mage compound.

                “Come with me.” Duncan said. The time had finally come to see just how many of these recruits would truly become wardens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cut a lot of morrigan and flemeth's dialogue because frankly i didnt care enough and Just want to get this thing moving tbh


	10. The Joining

“At last we come to the joining. The Grey Wardens were founded during the first Blight, when humanity stood on the verge of annihilation. So it was that the first Grey Wardens drank of darkspawn blood and mastered their taint.” Duncan said as he walked to the front of the group of recruits.

                “We’re going to drink the blood of those, those creatures?” Jory asked.

                Duncan walked toward Jory, “As the first Grey Wardens did before us, as we did before you. _This_ is the source of our power and our victory.”

                “Those who survive the joining become immune to the taint, we can sense it in the darkspawn and use it to slay the Archdemon.” Alistair said.

                Lyonel looked at the other recruits briefly, wondering how many of them would actually survive the joining.

                “We speak only a few words prior to the joining, but these words have been said since the first. Deadrick, if you would?” Duncan said.

                “Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you.” Deadrick said looking down, refusing to meet the gaze of any of the recruits before him.

                Duncan held a large silver chalice in his hand,

                “Daveth, step forward.”

                Daveth took the chalice in both hands and looked at the blood within it. He drank the fluid and handed the chalice back to Duncan. He stood still for a few moments before he began to shake his head, grimacing. He staggered backward, Linara inhaled sharply. He let out twisted screams of pain head in his hands. The poor man could barely stand. He threw his head back, Alinn saw that his eyes had gone completely white.

                “Maker’s breath.” Jory said, backing away from the sight before him.

                Daveth’s hand went to his own throat as he collapsed to the ground as if the blood was fighting him.

                “I am sorry Daveth.” Duncan said, still as a statue with the chalice in hand. Daveth only struggled for a few more moments before he died.

                “Step forward Jory.” Duncan said.

                Jory drew his sword, stammering,

“But I have a wife, a a child! Had I known.”

                Duncan slowly walked toward Jory, unfazed,

“There is no turning back.”

Jory continued walking backwards, soon he would be against the stone column,

                “No, you ask too much. There is no glory in this.”

                Duncan drew his own blade. Jolene looked away, she didn’t want to see any more death than what had sent her here. Mirah was angered at Jory’s cowardice. All she could think of was Ser Gilmore, he had laid down his life for her. He was much more worthy than this coward who couldn’t understand the meaning of sacrifice if it was carved into his skin. Jory entered a battle stance, they scrapped for a few seconds before Duncan buried his sword in Jory’s stomach and said,

                “I’m sorry.”

                Jory let out a groan as he bled out on the stone ground.

                “But the joining is not yet complete.” He continued, grabbing the chalice once again. The remaining recruits looked among themselves. Lyonel stepped forward, brushing hands with Alinn as he made his way to the front of the group.

                “You are called upon to submit yourself to the taint for the greater good.”

                Lyonel took the chalice and drank from it.

                “From this moment forward, you are a Grey Warden.”

                Lyonel grimaced as he felt a burning sensation in his throat and behind his eyes. He saw a tainted dragon, horrific and malformed. Then he collapsed.

                Alinn’s breath hitched. _Please don’t be dead._ He thought to himself.

                “Linara, step forward.”

                The Dalish woman looked visibly sicker from when she’d first arrived. Her eyes were sunken and her gait uneasy. She threw her hood back and took the chalice in both hands.

                “Ma ghilana mir din'an” She said with a humorless smile as she stared at the chalice’s contents. She took a quick gulp of the chalice. She too grimaced and let out a haggard grunt before collapsing to the ground.

                Lyonel let out a small grunt as he started to get up. Alinn rushed to his side immediately helping him to his feet. Deadrick came over to them and guided Lyonel to the other side of the area. Alinn returned to the other recruits just in time to see Kallian grimace as the taint spread through her. She let out an unbearable scream before she fell. Alinn feared she wouldn’t survive.

                “Alinn, step forward.”

                Alinn felt as if his feet were made of lead. He wasn’t afraid to admit he was scared. He took the chalice in one hand. He swallowed as he looked at the swirling blood in the chalice. The metallic smell was overwhelming. He made brief eye contact with Lyonel, he gave him a gentle nod and a soft smile. He drank from the chalice and handed it back to Duncan. He licked the corner of his mouth. He inhaled sharply and his knees gave out instantly. His only thought before blacking out was _fuck if I came all this way to choke on some blood and die I will personally haunt everyone here for the rest of their lives._

                Linara woke up a few seconds after Alinn collapsed beside her. She let out a dry laugh,

                “Halam'shivanas” She said wryly as she stood up and sauntered over to where Deadrick and Lyonel were standing. Deadrick placed a hand on her shoulder and nodded at her.

                “Jolene, step forward.”

                Jolene stepped over Alinn to get to Duncan. She slowly drank from the chalice. Her body jolted, Duncan took the chalice from her before she ended up spilling it everywhere. She coughed intensely before collapsing right onto Kallian who was just getting up.

                “Makers ass, perfect timing Joli.” Kallian grumbled as she shrugged the dwarf off of her. Her fellow wardens beckoned her over to join them. A proud smile on Deadrick’s face.

                “Mirah, step forward.”

                Lady Cousland walked forward with her head held high, this was a woman who was unafraid of whatever was thrown in her path. She took the chalice in one hand and drank from it. Not even once breaking eye contact with Duncan. She grimaced, palm rubbing her forehead to try and alleviate the pain. She felt like someone had buried a broad-axe in her skull. Her vision clouded, all she saw was darkspawn, and a dragon. She swayed on her feet before falling to her side with a thud.

                “And at last, Natalia step forward.”

                Natalia tried to ignore her gut feeling to run for the hills. She knew this would be a better life than she’d ever get in Dust town. She took the chalice, closed her eyes and drank all that remained. Her throat felt like it had been shoved into a pile of hot coals, a sensation she was not unfamiliar with. She grabbed her throat as she collapsed to her knees. She saw a blighted dragon, at least she thought it was a dragon and then she lost consciousness.

                Alinn woke up a minute or so after Natalia went down. Lyonel was at his side immediately. Alinn leaned on his lover as he guided him over to his fellow wardens.

                “We made it love.” Lyonel whispered into Alinn’s ear. He was elated, he was joining an honorable order dedicated to saving the world and he would never have to worry about his lover being torn from him by chantry cronies again.

                Mirah woke up more sluggish than the rest. She rubbed her forehead as she got herself up. She nearly tripped on Jolene before noticing the dwarven woman in front of her. Deadrick guided her the rest of the way over. She wasn’t quite steady on her feet but she firmly planted herself on the ground.

                Natalia woke up sooner than the rest had, staggering to her feet. Deadrick went over to her and helped her steady herself. He tried to guide her over to the other wardens but she very adamantly insisted she didn’t need his help and somewhat wobbly legged made her way over to the other wardens.

                Once Natalia had joined them the other wardens watched Jolene nervously. Mirah in particular bit her lip. She tried to look peeved as she tapped her foot but it was clear she was more nervous for her fellow recruit than she was letting on. Kallian whispered to Linara,

                “Do you think she died too?”

                Linara looked at Kallian meaningfully before shrugging her shoulders and making an “I have no fucking clue” face.

                A few more tense seconds passed before Jolene let out a small grunt, pushing herself off the ground, Duncan grabbed her hand.

“It is finished, welcome.” Duncan said as he helped Jolene stand up. Jolene headed over to the other recruits, no the other _wardens_ who were all quite glad she’d survived.

                “You had us worried for a minute there.” Mirah said with a smile as she put her hand on Jolene’s shoulder.

                “You’re not rid of me quite yet.” Jolene said.

                Lyonel wrapped an arm around Alinn’s waist.  Alistair walked over to the edge of the group,

                “Two deaths, my joining we only lost one but it was, awful.” Deadrick began, “Now there’s one more thing, we take some of that blood and put it into a pendant, to remind us of those… Who didn’t make it this far.”

                A silence fell over the new Wardens. Alinn laced his fingers through Lyonel’s silently grateful that they’d both made it this far. Linara looked at her feet, almost like she was ashamed of herself. Kallian rubbed the back of her neck, long moments of silence always made her hyper-aware of her own body and she was never good at keeping still. Mirah and Jolene were completely still, perfectly poised noblewomen. Natalia was shifting on her feet, like she too was uncomfortable with the silence. Kallian took note of that.

                “Linara, Alinn and Jolene the king has requested your presence at the war table. I would suggest not keeping him waiting, the rest of you come with me.” Deadrick said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about damn time. I wrote this chapter before I'd even finished writing all the origins tbh


	11. The Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kallian, Nat, Mirah and Lyonel are on the battlefield, things don't go exactly to plan

The new wardens were at the back allowing the senior wardens to take the front lines with the ash warriors and their hounds. Deadrick was in front of them, why he’d been placed back with them versus at the front they didn’t know and were too preoccupied to ask. Lyonel looked at Kallian. She held her swords so tightly her knuckles were practically white,

                “Relax, you won’t be able to get any good hits in if you’re all rigid like that.” He offered.

                “How would you know?” Kallian asked, not harshly.

                “Believe it or not before I developed my magic my parents trained me to be a warrior, they sure didn’t get what they bargained for.” He said with a slight smile.

                “I’m sure they didn’t.” Kallian said.

                “You surfacers ready to kick some darkspawn ass?” Natalia asked.

                “Ready as I’ll ever be.” Lyonel said.

                “Hey! Don’t forget you’ve got that cutie waiting for you once all this is over.” Natalia gave Lyonel a theatrical wink.

                “Believe me I know.” Lyonel said with a calm smile.

                “Remember kids, we don’t need any heroics, if the archdemon shows up leave it to the senior wardens.” Deadrick said over his shoulder.

                “Yes sir.” Kallian said, “Also uh, Deadrick?”

                “Hmm?” He responded.

                “Uh.” She bit her lip, concern written across her face like splattered blood, “Stay safe.”

                The old warden smiled, “No need to worry about me, I’ve been at this about as long as you’ve been alive.”

                “Yeah but, well try not to die. Please.” She said, trying to keep the worry out of her voice.

                “I’ll try my best kid.” He said, tapping her shoulder encouragingly before once again turning his back on the new wardens behind him.

                There was a tense silence as the new wardens looked among each other. Lyonel made sure to take note that Kallian was on his left and Mirah on his right, as long as he stayed near them they could all keep each other safe or at least safer. Mirah held her shield in front of her, her sword parallel to the ground. Lyonel held his staff in one hand, a healing spell on the tip of his tongue.

                The lines of wardens in front of them were charging into battle.  Lyonel’s hands gripped his staff tightly. The darkspawn were breaking through the lines like they were nothing. Lyonel saw a warden in the distance getting overwhelmed. Lyonel mumbled a spell under his breath and sighed with relief as the healing glyph appeared at the stranger’s feet. A genlock came running at Lyonel, he smacked it in the face with his staff, no point in wasting spells when he could use his staff in more common ways. He saw Natalia charging into the more heated parts of the battlefield out of the corner of his eye. While he had the moment he cast a healing aura around her. Fighting was never his strongpoint but he would put his healing skills to use while he could. The battle was rough but for the moment seemed survivable, especially once Loghain’s troops joined the fray.

Kallian let out a terrifying scream unlike anything Lyonel had heard in his life. He looked at her to make sure she wasn’t being torn apart. She was unmoving, that’s when Lyonel saw Deadrick’s headless corpse in front of her. Lyonel realized the blood all over Kallian was probably not darkspawn’s. He shot a freezing spell over her shoulder. The Hurlock that was about to behead Kallian with a hatchet was now frozen in place.

                “There’ll be time to grieve later! Stay alive Kal!” He yelled to her over the frenzy of the battle.

                She snapped back to reality and eviscerated the Hurlock Lyonel had frozen. Kallian’s scream of terror had shifted to a horrifying battle cry for vengeance. Lyonel was unsure if he was terrified or impressed when Kallian ripped a darkspawn’s ear off with her teeth. He tore his eyes off of her as a shriek knocked him down. He felt it drooling on him as a surge of electricity ran through his arm. He pushed the corpse off his body and cast a mind wave out. He’d bought himself a few minutes but had also used quite a bit of mana in the process. He smacked a Hurlock with his staff. The stunned beast fell down. Lyonel focused as he lit it on fire, primal magic had never been his strongpoint. His stun spell was beginning to wear off and he knew within moments he’d be surrounded by very angry darkspawn.

                He shot an ice bolt at one of the darkspawn, he began backing away from it but the others were drawing closer. He yelled as he began shooting spells left and right, panic rising within him. He wanted to call for someone’s help but didn’t know who, he hadn’t seen Natalia since the beginning of the battle and Mirah was probably as likely to stab him as any darkspawn. He was alone, he grimaced as he raised his staff above his head, eyes faltering on the staff’s blade before he brought it down on his leg. He let out a pained noise before drawing energy from his own blood. He would survive this battle, one way or another. An aura of red spread from his hands. He stole the life right out of one of the hurlocks. He felt the dark power course through his veins, it was intoxicating and yet still stung like acid. Blood magic was unlike the other schools, it demanded awareness every time it was used, you had to fully commit yourself to it or you would fall, and Lyonel didn’t plan on falling.

Lyonel saw soldiers falling all around him, somehow in all the chaos he’d lost sight of the others. He knew this battle would be no victory. He grimaced as he took out his dagger, he slit his palm open and summoned a demon, a fiery spirit of pride clawed its way out of the earth,

                “Kill the spawn.” He commanded it. The twisted fade creature began knocking darkspawn to the ground, it wouldn’t change the tide of the battle but it might buy some soldiers enough time to flee. He switched his dagger to his other hand and was preparing to summon another demon when he felt a longsword rip through his chest. He looked down at the blade, there was blood everywhere. The blade was pulled out as his assailant kicked him to the ground. He fell face first into the dirt, fully expecting to die like that, but apparently whoever had stabbed him had different plans. Mirah was standing over him her teeth bared and a mixture of blood and dirt on her face,

                “They shall be named Maleficar, accursed ones. They shall find no rest in this world or beyond.” She spat as she got up and left him to die. His head lolled to the side, he saw darkspawn getting further and further into their lines. He looked up to the tower, he prayed that Alinn and the others got to the signal in time. Lyonel’s eyes traveled all the way to the top where he saw the signal fire blazing away. Lyonel smiled as he felt his life drawing out of him. His final thoughts,

                “ _Suledin ma Halla.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at writing battles I hate writing combat so much end me  
> I am indecisive as hell so I might end up writing an AU of this where Lyonel doesn't die because I adore my healer blood mage and think that would be really interesting to write about but I'm obviously still going with this version too. Let me know what you think of things!


	12. Tower of Ishal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out "light the fire on top of the tower when we tell you to" wasn't as easy as they all thought it would be

Alinn and the rest of the group that had been assigned to the tower began walking toward the bridge. The group that would be on the battlefield were a little ways in front of them, Lyonel looked over his shoulder and smiled when he saw Alinn,

                “So, you lot got some special mission or something?” He asked.

                “We’re lighting the signal fire at the top of the tower.” Alinn explained.

                “Good thing you’re so good at primal magic,” He kissed him gently, “I’ll see you after the battle my dear.”

                “I Love you.” Alinn said before pulling Lyonel into another kiss.

                “I love you too.” Lyonel said. He then began to walk away,

                “Don’t do anything too risky emma lath.” Alinn asked.

                “The Maker himself couldn’t keep me from you ma halla, I promise.” He said before he ran off to catch up with the other soldiers.

                Linara walked up to Alinn and tapped his shoulder before pointing to the tower,

                “We should head over.” She said.

                Alinn nodded as the two of them caught up with Jolene and Alistair who were just about to cross the bridge.  The battle seemed like it was about to begin with the archers shooting from the ramparts. The group began running across the bridge, a large flaming projectile came flying toward them, it collided with the bridge sending two of them to the ground and nearly launching Jolene off the other side.

                “We need to get to the Tower of Ishal!” Alistair called out over the chaos.

                Alinn coughed as he helped Jolene back onto her feet.

                “Didn’t know spawn could use trebuchets…” She muttered.

                “Let’s get across before they fire another one.” Alinn said.

                The wardens ran across the bridge, Linara heard yelling from the tower,

                “May the dread wolf not hear our footsteps.” She muttered under her breath. As the group got closer to the tower a terrified looking circle mage an a knight, both covered in blood ran at them screaming,

                “Darkspawn have taken over the tower! All the others died!”

                “What? This place was supposed to be secure.” Alistair said.

                “Who cares? We need to get rid of them.” Jolene said. She ran past the mage and knight and went right for the darkspawn scattered around the path to the tower. Alinn charged into the battle right behind her. Despite the rain he was able to use his fire magic. Linara was in a league all her own with her bow. Alinn noticed a healing glyph at his feet, he looked at the other mage who was clearly in the middle of enchanting the weapons around him. It was then that Alinn realized Lyonel must’ve cast it. He smiled at the thought of Lyonel making sure he was okay even when he was on the frontlines as he cast a chain lightning on the genlocks around them all.

                After defeating the second wave of darkspawn the wardens had reached the tower, and told the guards to get reinforcements if there were any. Linara yanked the heavy wooden doors open without a problem. She trotted in, leading the group,

                “Stop, there’s a tripwire.” She said as she crouched to deactivate the trap. Alinn stood behind her, a frosty aura at his fingertips should any darkspawn try to attack her while she was unprepared.

                “Should be good now.” She said as she stood up, knocking an arrow as she stepped into the room full of fiery barriers and barrels of varying sizes. A mismatched cacophony of battle cries came from virtually every corner of the room once the wardens were visible. Linara shot six arrows in rapid succession. Alinn froze a Hurlock who had begun to charge. Jolene and Alistair had run right at the beasts while Linara and Alinn moved swiftly in the background. Her silent movements amplifying her past as a huntress. Linara leapt over a flaming barrier and shot an arrow right into a Hurlock general’s eye, through the slit in its helmet. As the final darkspawn fell they knew this assignment wouldn’t be as easy as they had all suspected.

                “There’ll be more where they came from.” Linara grunted as she pulled an arrow out of a darkspawn. Making a disgusted face at the squishing sound it made. She once again led the group into the spiraling rooms of the first floor, each room had darkspawn in it. The wardens were skilled but this was much more resistance than they’d expected.

                “Crap.” Linara said as she pulled out an arrow that had apparently decided to leave it’s arrowhead in the darkspawn.

                “This is going to be harder than we thought, isn’t it?” Alinn asked Alistair.

                “There weren’t supposed to be any darkspawn here!” Alistair defended.

                “ _You_ try telling them they’re in the wrong place, I’m sure it’ll go over well.” Jolene deadpanned.

                “Who cares! What matters is they’re here and we need to get to the top of the tower if those soldiers who are out there _dying_ while we argue have any chance of making it out of this battle alive!” Linara yelled.

                “She’s right of course, we need to get moving.” Alistair said. The group was silent as they continued up the blood soaked stairs to the next floor. Alinn’s anxiety was causing the air around him to become statically charged and significantly colder than the air around him.

                “Breathe da’len. We need you present for the battle.” Linara said, resting a hand on his shoulder.

                “I can’t stop thinking about the others down in the front lines…”

                “They will be alright, I’m sure you’ll be in his arms again before you know it.” She assured him.

                Alinn exhaled as the group trekked on. A fiery projectile came rushing toward them. Alinn instinctively set up an ice wall in front of the group. Shattering both the projectile and the wall on impact.

                “We need to take out whichever one of them is firing those things! I can only make so many ice walls you guys.” Alinn said. Linara shot one of the darkspawn and kicked another one in the face. Alinn, still recovering mana from the ice wall, was using his staff as a club when any darkspawn got too close to him.

                “We need some magic over here!” Jolene yelled as a hurlock knocked her to the ground.

                “Do you _want_ me to pass out?” Alinn yelled as he clubbed another darkspawn.

                “I got this.” Alistair said when he stabbed the Hurlock that had overrun Jolene.

                The rest of the floor was comparatively easy as there were no flaming projectiles coming at them. Only two more floors before they’d be at the top, no doubt they’d missed the signal.

                “The fate of all those soldiers lies on us.” Jolene thought aloud as the group went up the stairs to the third floor. Jolene had somehow found herself at the front of the group, her blades shone with tainted blood. There were few events worthy of note until they reached the room right before the final staircase. A room full of caged mabari and even more darkspawn.

                “Someone release the hounds!” Alistair yelled.

                Jolene saw the lever in the middle of the room, she yelled over her shoulder, “Cover me!” To whom she was unsure, not that it mattered. She kicked the lever and the seven or so dogs immediately began attacking the darkspawn. The dogs ended the fight much quicker than the wardens alone could have.

                “Let’s get to that signal fire.” Alinn said, maneuvering his way past the large dogs and the darkspawn corpses. When Alinn opened the door to the top of the tower he thought he was going to faint, standing there was a huge ogre flesh a putrid purple color.

                “Are you fucking kidding me?” He barely more than whispered as he tried his best to not attract the beast’s attention as he entered the room. He cast an electricity spell on the beast. Linara shot an arrow into it’s leg, but it was clear her arrows meant for wolves and small bears would have no effect on the beast that was now charging at her.

                “Fenedhis!” She shouted before breaking into a full on run, if that thing caught her she was dead.

                “Stay away from her!” Alistair yelled as he buried his sword in the Ogre’s leg. Jolene felt as if she were frozen where she stood, she felt like she was back in the deep roads facing certain death for killing her brother.

                “Jolene, help!” Linara screeched, Jolene came back to reality, Linara’s bow had been snapped and she was pinned to the ground by a darkspawn. Jolene ran to the elf’s aid. Her hands trembled but a stab wound is a stab wound if the dead darkspawn was anything to go by. She gave Linara one of her blades,

                “You need a weapon.” She said. It was clear Linara had never wielded a sword before in battle and was mostly kicking and punching darkspawn at this point. Jolene saw Alistair and Alinn were having their own trouble with the Ogre. She swallowed hard, ignoring the gut instinct telling her to run for her life. She saw the beast pick up the small mage and begin beating him like a ragdoll. She ran at the beast, using her dagger as a means to climb the beast. Linara threw her blade at the Ogre and Jolene was able to make her way to the creature’s face even faster. She stabbed it square in the eyes, causing it to drop Alinn’s limp body to the ground. Alistair bashed his shield into the back of one of its legs and the ogre was on the ground. Jolene drew her blades out of the creature’s eyes and stabbed it in the throat.

                Linara was kneeling over Alinn, presumably checking if he was still alive. Jolene saw Alistair was lighting the fire, she went over to the windows to see the battle. It was clear they were being overwhelmed by darkspawn, but their orders had been to wait in the tower after they lit the fire. She also noted that Loghain’s troops would no doubt turn the tide.

                “Another wave!” Linara yelled before making some sort of grunting noise. Jolene whipped around to see dozens of darkspawn flooding the room.

                “Ancestors have mercy on me.” She said as she made what she had no doubt would be her final stand. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Alistair get piled on by darkspawn after darkspawn. She closed her eyes and just swung her weapons wildly. She was unsure when she collapsed but she refused to let the last thing she ever saw be a darkspawn. She gave up, she accepted death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again I suck at writing combat sorry. any and all feedback appreciated! I talk about this fic on my tumblr alinnsurana all the time if anyone wants to know!! also special shoutout to tumblr user archdemoned for getting me motivated to finally finish this chapter


	13. When the Blood Dries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle is over but the war has just begun. The survivors need to figure out how they're going to end the blight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: Linara is a trans woman dealing with her own internalized transphobia/transmisogyny and her views of herself are not meant to be reflective of every trans woman's experiences or beliefs and her views are her own and not necessarily my own. I hope my portrayal of her doesn't upset or offend anyone, if it does please let me know! as usual I love feedback! especially comments (hint hint)

Linara woke up to a harsh stinging on her side. She sat up and looked down at herself, immediately self-conscious about her chest, not that that was new.

                “What happened?” She wondered aloud as she ran her hand over the gash in her side that someone had very precisely stitched together. She looked around the room, there were several animal pelts on the ground and a miscellaneous pile of books. It was not entirely unlike the inside of an aravel other than the obvious shape and material difference between the structures. She saw the door on the other side of the room open, she covered her chest instinctively as the witch Morrigan stepped into the room.

                “I am pleased to see you live, I was beginning to have my doubts.”

                “The others, the other wardens I was with, what became of them?” She asked.

                “Mother rescued them as well, do you not remember?” Morrigan asked.

                “No, the last thing I remember was trying to see if Alinn was still alive, then there were darkspawn everywhere…” She shivered slightly at the memory.

                “Yes well, the wardens on the field were betrayed, that general who was supposed to help you quit the field. The blonde, he isn’t taking it well.” Morrigan said, indifference clear in her voice.

                Linara’s mind went to Kallian and the other wardens in the field, they’d been depending on Loghain’s troops. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to scream or cry.

                “Neither am I, that seth’lin coward is going to pay.” She said through gritted teeth.

                “No need to cover your chest, we’re both women here.” Morrigan said.

                Linara looked at Morrigan, confident in her low cut top and compared her body to Linara’s, it reminded her of just how childlike her own body was, at least in her eyes.

                “Be that as it may I think you and I are very different types of women.” Linara trailed off. Doubting herself once again. She would never look like Morrigan, she swallowed as she tried to ignore how deep her voice was and all the effort she’d had to put in to get this far while women like Morrigan just _were_ like that, no potions or voice exercises just… Morrigan interrupted her dysphoric spiraling before her mind could go any further,

                “Your mind has drifted I see.” Morrigan said.

                “Sorry, I got caught up in my own thoughts, where are the others? And where is my armor?” She asked.

                “They’re outside, your armor is in that chest over there.” She took one of Linara’s hands and put the key in it before exiting the room.

                Linara went over to the black chest Morrigan had pointed at, she opened it to find her armor and a bow unlike one she’s ever seen before on top. She put her armor back on and examined the bow more closely, given the markings and the feather tied to one end of it it was likely chasind made. Linara had heard they were decent craftsmen for humans, she also had no other weapon so it would have to do. She made her way out of the hut to find Alinn, Jolene and Alistair outside.

                “You made it! Thank the- We were worried.” Alinn said.

                “I’m alright, you look like you’ve seen better days however.” She said, motioning to his black eye.

                “Oh this? This is nothing compared to my ribs, if it weren’t for Morrigan and her mother I’d most certainly be dead.” He said, a slightly pained smirk on his face.

                “We all would.” Jolene said.

                “Don’t speak of me as if I’m not here.” The old woman said.

                “What do we call you though, you never told us your name?” Alistair asked.

                “The chasind call me Flemeth and it works well enough for me.” She said.

                “So, what do we do now?” Linara asked Alistair, he was the most senior warden now if anyone would know it would be him.

                “You end the blight is what you do.” Morrigan’s mother replied.

                “How do we do that? There’s four of us.” Jolene asked.

                “The treaties!” Linara remembered suddenly, “We have treaties for the Dalish elves, the dwarves and the mages they have to help us during a blight.”

                “And there’s Arl Eamon, he practically raised me I’m sure he’ll help us.” Alistair said.

                “Correct me if I’m wrong but mages, elves, dwarves, this Arl Eamon, sounds like an army to me.” Flemeth said.

                “Ah yes well good luck with that.” Morrigan said.

                “Don’t be silly girl, you’re going with them.” Flemeth said.

                “What?” Morrigan replied.

                “You always said you wanted out of the wilds, well.” She motioned to the wardens.

                “Mother, this is not how I wanted this!”

                “The wardens will need all the help they can get.” Flemeth pointed out.

                “We have always taken allies where we can find them.” Jolene pointed out.

                “How kind of you to cast me out like this, oh how fondly I shall remember this moment.” Morrigan said to her mother.

                “Well if she’s coming with us I think we should get on the move on before the blight consumes the whole world.” Alinn commented.

                “Well mother don’t forget the stew on the fire, I’d hate to return to a burned down hut.” She said.

                “It’s more likely you’ll find this whole area including my hut swallowed by the blight.” Flemeth said.

                “I, I only meant-“ Morrigan began.

                “Yes well, do try to have fun dear.” Flemeth said.

                The group of misfits made their way away from Flemeth’s hut. Morrigan took to the front of the group,

“I suggest we resupply in Lothering, it’s very centrally located and not too far from here.” She said.

                “And from there we can decide where to go next, good idea Morrigan.” Linara said.

There wasn’t much more conversation after that, Alistair was the quietest of them all barely even making eye contact with the others. Alinn stopped in his tracks when he heard something in the undergrowth,

                “It’s not darkspawn.” He said. The rustling was getting closer and was paired with what sounded like hushed whispers. The others gathered around to see what was approaching while Morrigan rolled her eyes at them from a reasonable distance. Three battle ragged women climbed out of the bushes thorns and twigs sticking out of their hair.

                “Alinn?” Kallian asked, relief evident in her voice.

                “Thank the maker we weren’t the only ones.” Mirah said, smiling for the first time that Alinn could remember. Natalia pulled a twig out of her hair,

                “By the stone, we thought you lot were gone for sure!” She said with a grateful smile.

                Alinn noticed that all three of the wardens were injured but overall much better off than they could’ve been considering the circumstances. He did however notice that this seemed to be all of them,

                “You three made it out of the battle, where’s Lyonel?” Alinn asked.

                The three women looked among themselves,

                “I lost sight of him at the beginning of the mess. Sorry” Natalia said at last.

                “Kallian?” Alinn’s voice hitched.

                “Last I saw him was a while before we left the-” She began.

                “I saw him, he, he didn’t make it. I’m sorry.” Mirah said.

                “Are you sure, absolutely sure that it was him?” Alinn asked, tears threatening to fall.

                “I’m sure,” She held out her fist and opened it, revealing a bloodstained pendant. “I took this off him before we fled, in case you wanted something to remember him by.”

                Alinn made a high pitched pained noise as he took the pendant. Almost instantly his knees gave out and he was on the ground, clutching the pendant to his chest. The ground around him was covered in frost, intricate icy designs creeping further and further from the distraught mage. The temperature around him dropped dramatically, as if they’d all been teleported to the tip of the frostbacks. He was inconsolable, sobs rippled through his small frame.

                Kallian tentatively put a hand on his shoulder only to pull back immediately when frost began spiraling up her arm. She brushed the frost off her arm quickly. Mirah stomped her foot to get the frost off her boot. Natalia looked at him with a mix of pity and apprehension, this was the first time she’d seen a mage’s magic respond to their emotional state.

                “Alinn it isn’t safe here, we need to keep going.” Kallian finally said.

                He looked up at her before getting back up,

                “I know I know, let’s just go.” He said, voice devoid of any of the joy it might’ve had earlier.

                He didn’t let go of that amulet for the entirety of the journey. After hours of silent walking Kallian fell into pace with him, saying nothing but gently reminding him that he didn’t need to bear his burden alone. He leaned on her slightly as they walked, she wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He felt so small under her arm, like a strong gust of wind would carry him away. Kallian saw the look of sheer defeat on his face, she knew nothing she said or did would really help him at this point but she stood by him nonetheless. After much traveling the beleaguered group of travelers decided to make camp for the night. As Alinn helped Alistair set up the fire he asked,

                “May I perform a service for Lyonel?” He wasn’t even directly asking Alistair, his question was more directed at the universe, as if a spirit or the Maker would say yes or no.

                Alistair nodded and continued putting the firewood in a pile. Alinn set the fire with a snap of his fingers. The others knew Alinn would be doing some sort of service for Lyonel. He held Lyonel’s bloodstained amulet in his hand, realizing it wasn’t the circle amulet but his warden amulet. He pulled his arm back and held the amulet to his chest. He ripped a different amulet off his neck and threw it into the fire, rage burning on his face. He then put Lyonel’s amulet around his neck and began to sing, it was quiet at first but got louder the longer he went on voice cracking as new tears threatened to fall,

_Tuihemeh toi ma dore_

_Omnare vira tir rehna_

_Turena dorena,_

_Tuihemeh toi ma dore_

_Omne omne vira tir madore_

_Turena dorena_

_Domna miri sollia_

_Sidanomi_

_Domna miri sollia_

_Sidanomi_

_Domna miri sollia_

_Sidanomi_

_Turena dorena_

_Tuihemeh toi ma dore_

_Omnere mia dirmrena_

_Turena dorena_

               Eventually he was practically sobbing the lyrics, but he refused to stop, he would finish the song. Lyonel deserved that much,

_Domna miri sollia_

_Sidanomi_

_Domna miri sollia_

_Sidanomi Turena dorena_

_Domna miri sollia_

_Sidanomi_

_Domna miri sollia_

_Sidanomi Turena_

_Domna miri sollia_

_Sidanomi_

_Turena dorena_

_Tuihemeh toi ma dore_

_Omnere mia dirmrena_

_Turena dorena_

                He was out of breath and his cheeks were wet with tears, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest, he’d given his partner a funeral. This wasn’t quite closure but it was as close as he could get for the time being.

                “That song wasn’t elven, is it some sort of human funeral song?” Linara whispered to Mirah, who she figured would know the most about these things.

                “I’ve never heard this language before.” Mirah admitted.

                “It’s Tevene.” Alinn said. “It was a traditional song Lyonel and I found in an old manuscript once.”

                “I’m guessing it was a funerary dirge?” Kallian asked.

                “It was actually a love song.” Alinn admitted, wiping his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

                The others fell silent. After an awkward few second Alinn said,

                “You can go, I know none of you knew him that well.”

                With that the others began to go, Natalia was the first with Jolene going shortly after. Kallian and Linara left not too long after them. Mirah was the last one to leave, she put her hand on his shoulder and said,

                “I’m sorry about Lyonel, I know how much he meant to you.”

                Alinn didn’t take his eyes away from the makeshift pyre, “Thank you, I know you didn’t like him much or me for that matter… But your sympathy is appreciated.”

                Mirah felt a twinge of guilt as she looked at the grieving elf before her, she knew in her heart that killing the blood mage was the right decision and she would do it again in a heartbeat. She just wished he hadn’t been with Alinn, it would’ve made it so much easier to look her fellow warden in the eye.

                “I know what it’s like to lose someone you care about if you ever want to, talk about it.” She hoped her words didn’t sound as hollow as they felt, she felt bad for Alinn she truly did but how could she offer to comfort him when she was the reason he was like this in the first place?

                “I appreciate the offer, but I think I’ll pass for now.” He said.

                Mirah nodded and went to her tent leaving Alinn with the pyre. He breathed out as he stared at the swirling fire before him,

                “I’m going to miss you emma lath, I’m going to miss you so much.” Alinn extended his arm in front of him and dropping the ring the circle had given him into the flames. He watched the flames lap at the metal finding a strange bit of peace in watching the flames. He watched the flames the rest of the night, it was the closest he would ever get to giving his Lyonel the proper funeral and vigil he deserved.


	14. Lothering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pit stop takes a bit longer than expected and a few more turns than expected as well. Mabaris show up, lots of conversations and where the heck are we going next???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so like, this chapter is super long because there's lots of dialogue and a lot of stuff happens also like, tw for mentions of past abuse and heavily implied past sexual assault the mentions start at "dark hallways" and picks up again at "You don't understand" and ends at "he could've-"   
> Elven note: Him'lin is a word I mashed together out of himen- changed,transformed,evolved etc. and lin which means blood. So this completely fan made word for transgender translates to "changed/transformed blood"  
> also once again I'm too lazy to remember exactly how every conversation went down please bear with me  
> and as always I'd love to hear what any of you have to say about the story! heck it could even just be keyboard smashing or odd punctuation I just really really love feedback

Mirah was one of the first to wake up that next morning, the nightmares had been awful. A dragon with twisted teeth had been roaring all throughout the night in her mind. From the looks of her companions she wasn’t the only one who’d had a restless night. Alinn looked simply haunted but Mirah wasn’t sure nightmares were the reason for that. The group sat around the ashes of their campfire and passed around fistfuls of berries that Morrigan and Linara had gathered the night before, seeing as they were the only ones present who knew which ones were and weren’t poisonous.

                “So, how did you end up joining the wardens?” Natalia asked Kallian but was loud enough that it could’ve been a general question.

                “Mass murder.” Kallian said, “How about you?”

“Shamed the entire warrior caste, and mass murder.” Natalia said.

                “Are we just not going to ask for any information beyond the ‘mass murder’ bit?” Jolene interjected.

                “Okay, a bunch of human nobles kidnapped me, my cousin and my closest friends on my wedding day and I butchered my way out.” Kallian said, “That enough detail for ya?”

                “I was just taking orders, then I had to kill my way out of a carta prison cell.” Natalia said. “What about you princess?” she gestured to Jolene.

“I’m not a princess and I don’t think it’s relevant, we’re all grey wardens now, who we used to be doesn’t matter.” She said, looking away from Natalia.

“Bullshit, I know you got exiled and you have to do some bad shit for that.” Natalia prodded.

“It’s none of your business.” Jolene visibly stiffened, her eyes shifting all around her.

“I was recruited because my entire family was slaughtered by someone who was once our closest ally.” Mirah said, hoping her own admission would let Jolene open up to her fellow wardens.

“We need to know each other if we’re supposed to trust each other.” She continued.

“I became a warden because my best friend lied to my face in order to achieve his own freedom.” Alinn muttered, he hadn’t thought anyone was listening but _everyone_ had heard.

“I became a warden because I was dying, Deadrick said he had a cure and my clan basically gave me away.” Linara stared at the ground as she spoke.

“We’ve all told our stories, now you tell yours.” Kallian said drawing attention back to Jolene.

“Fine! If you all want to know so badly I killed my brother!” She practically shouted, “I killed him, I killed him in cold blood…” her lip began to tremble, she blinked slowly and said no more as she got up and packed her bedroll. The other wardens looked among themselves briefly before they all packed up the remains of their camp. They needed to get to Lothering as soon as possible. Natalia and Kallian walked side by side chatting in hushed voices to pass the time.

“So, you’re from Orzammar, you didn’t happen to see any elves recently did you?” Kallian asked, remembering how Chartan had asked her to keep her eye out for Amadin in the deep roads.

“I remember this one elf a couple weeks ago looking for work, didn’t talk to him though. I was there to shake the info out of some poor slob.”

“Do you remember what he looked like?” She asked, hoping against all hope that she’d found out what happened to Amadin.

“Short brown hair, about the same height as the doorframes, nasty scar on his cheek though.” Natalia said.

                “Holy shit, that’s him! Do you know what happened to him?” She asked.

“That was the only time I saw him, family of yours?” Natalia asked, although the elf she’d seen had looked more like Alinn that Kallian if she thought about it.  
                “Alinn’s family actually, an old friend asked me to keep an eye out for him. At least I know he was in Orzammar.”

“Not to rain on your parade sunshine but, lots of elves come through Orzammar looking for work usually in the deep roads, and not all of them come back.” Natalia remembered when she’d run messages to the surface section of the carta she’d pass by many an elven corpse on her way.

“It’s better than always wondering.” Kallian said as she looked at Alinn. As a child no one had ever explained why he was taken by the shems, or why his sister was taken two years later. She always had this almost childish hope that one day they’d just come back and everything would be like it used to be. That never happened.

“I guess so.” Natalia said.

“Do you miss Orzammar?” Kallian asked.

“I’m not used to this sky thing, or how bright everything is, I feel like I’m going to walk into a fucking tree any minute now.” Natalia said, shielding her eyes from the mid-morning sunlight.

“Just wait until it rains.” Kallian mused.

“The fuck is rain?” Natalia asked.

“When water falls out of the sky.” Kallian said.

“You’re fucking with me, you have to be joking that’s so fake.” Natalia said.

                “No, that’s a fairly regular thing that happens here on the surface. You’ll see soon enough.” Kallian said, amusing herself at the mental image of Natalia cursing at the clouds profusely for making it rain.

                 Meanwhile toward the middle of the group Linara and Alinn had fallen into an even pace,

                “Alinn, do you know anything about making potions?” She inquired, this was the longest she’d gone without her tincture and she feared what would happen if she was off it long-term.

                “Yes, why are you feeling ill?” He asked.

                “I have a, condition that needs a certain mixture of herbs to manage. I know what they are and where we can find most of them but I’ve never made it myself.” She explained, uncertain just how much information she should share with the virtual stranger.

                “I think we may have similar conditions.” Alinn said as he pulled a potion out of his bag, pulled the stopper out with his teeth and drank it.

                “I’ll make your potion as soon as I can I promise.” He said.

                “You’re, like me?” she hesitated, afraid she’d already revealed too much.

                Alinn pulled his robes taught against his lean frame revealing an hourglass figure,

                “Indeed I am.” He said before letting go of the fabric once more hiding his figure behind the shapeless robes.

                “How were you treated, in the circle for it?” Linara blurted out, she had the feeling it was rude to ask but she had to know what life for people like her was like outside of a dalish clan.

                “Hardly anyone knew, I was already going by Alinn by the time I was taken, and when I started to change I went to a healer and explained the situation. We managed to make it work and I eventually learned to make my own potions, I could teach you too.” He said. Other than that healer Lyonel and Jowan were the only ones in the circle who knew about Alinn’s gender.

                “I would, appreciate that. Ma Serannas.” She said.

                “That means, thank you right?” Alinn half asked.

                “Yes, do you speak much elven?” Linara asked.

                “”I used to, when I arrived at the circle they wouldn’t let me speak it… I didn’t talk much after that and now I’ve sort of, forgotten it…” Alinn couldn’t meet Linara’s eyes he felt so ashamed for letting such an important piece of his culture slip through his grasp.

                “I could teach you.” Linara offered.

                “Really? I uh, I’d like that thank you Linara, really.” Alinn said.

                “Anything for the only other Dalish him’lin here.”

                “Him’lin?” Alinn asked.

                “Changed blood, the word for those like us.” Linara said.

                “We, we have a word for it?” Alinn was so surprised, if he’d ever heard this word it had long been beaten out of his memory. If the Dalish had a word for it then there were more elves like him, he and his father weren’t just rare one in a million cases. _He wasn’t the only one._

                “We have a word for it.” Linara smiled. It brought a warmth to her heart to know that Alinn finally had a word for who he was, she remembered the feeling all too well herself.

The group was on a quiet dirt road, nothing to disturb them until two mabari came running at them full speed. Mirah recognized the dark one as her own, Asher. She’d feared the worst at Ostagar and was elated to find him alive and seemingly unharmed. The other one was barking at Alinn. Once he realized the dog wasn’t about to bite him he recognized it as the hound he’d cured at Ostagar.

                “The Kennel master said you’d make it.” Alinn said as he rubbed the dog’s head.

                “I think he was looking for you, imprinting they call it. Mabari are special like that.” Alistair said.

                “I’ve always wanted a pet, can’t hurt to keep him around.” Alinn said.

                “What’ll you name him?” Jolene asked standing a fair distance from both dogs.

                “Falon.” Alinn said, looking at Linara as he spoke. A small smile played at the corner of her lips.

                Shortly after the dogs had arrived the group sensed a group of darkspawn en route. The group drew their weapons, the dogs were the first to charge into the fray. The battle ended quickly. Alinn and Mirah were glad to see the dogs were uninjured.

                “It’s good to see you too Asher.” Mirah said as she let her charcoal dog lick her face.

                “We should keep moving.” Jolene said. The group went up a ramp and they were now officially on the white stone imperial highway, it wouldn’t be too long before they came upon a place to resupply.

                The small village of Lothering was finally within their sights, all that stood between the group and temporary safety was a group of men standing further ahead on the road. Alinn walked toward the front of the group accompanied by Jolene. The bandit leader spoke,

                “Another group of refugees, led by an elf of all things!” He said.

                “Twenty silver to cross.” One of his henchmen said.

                “We aren’t refugees.” Alinn said.

                “Doesn’t matter, toll applies to everyone that’s why it’s a toll and not a refugee tax.” The leader said.

                Alinn’s hand shone blue, “Do you really want to mess with a mage.”

                “Maker’s breath he’s going to turn us into frogs!” the bandits drew their weapons.

                “Why is it always frogs with you people?” Alinn shouted over the fray as he shot spell after spell at the bandits. The bandits were falling fast, no match for this many fierce fighters. Their leader was on the ground, Jolene had a sword to his throat,

                “Wait wait mercy! You can go, I’ll give you all the money we have I swear just don’t kill me!” He begged.

                “You targeted refugees fleeing the end of days to make a quick profit, and now you’re trying to buy your own safety, shems like you disgust me.” Kallian said.

                Jolene killed him quickly. The group left the stolen money where it was. Kallian noticed a locket on the ground,

                “The owner will probably appreciate this.” She mumbled as she put it in her pack. The group walked down the ramp and stopped,

                “Ah Lothering, pretty as a painting.” Alistair said, the first he’s spoken in quite some time.

                “You’ve decided to rejoin us I see? Falling on your blade in grief seemed too much effort?” Morrigan mocked.

                “Is it so hard to understand why I’m upset? How would you feel if your mother died?” Alistair asked.

                “Before or after I stopped laughing?” She asked.

                “Oh, I suppose this is the part where we’re shocked to learn you never had a friend in your life?” Alistair said.

                “Will you two stop it? We have more important things to focus on.” Mirah said.

                “She’s right, we need to talk about where we’re going after this rest stop.” Jolene said.

                “Have you looked at those treaties yet?” Alistair asked Linara.

                “Yes, we have treaties for my people, the dwarves of Orzammar and the circle of magi.” She said.

                “There’s also Arl Eamon, he’s one of the most popular Arls in Ferelden and he was Cailan’s uncle. We might want to go to him first but it’s up to you.” Alistair said.

                “You’re the most experienced one here, why don’t you decide?” Natalia said.

                “You’re all wardens too.” He said.

                “She’s right though, you’ve been a warden the longest.” Mirah said.

                “Don’t you lot go backing out on me now, I’m a better follower than a leader I don’t care which one of you decides let’s just make up our minds.”

                “I think the circle of magi would be a good idea, it’s closest.” Mirah said.

                “I think we all need more time to think of the best group to contact first.” Alinn said his overly large smile clearly an attempt to hide his discomfort at the idea of going back to the circle. The group didn’t say anything else on the matter as they continued down the ramp to the small village. They spotted a large ashen figure in a cage just outside the village. Natalia narrowed her eyes as she approached the praying figure in the cage.

                “Have you come to mock me dwarf?” He asked.

                “I mostly came to see what you’re doing here.”

                “Sitting in a cage.” He replied.

                “Hilarious. Why are you in the cage?” Natalia asked.

                “Why do you ask?” He asked.

                “We’re on a quest and a giant warrior might be helpful.” Natalia said.

                “We already have Mirah.” Alinn said.

                Mirah rolled her eyes but was actually glad to be compared to a qunari.

                “The revered mother put me here.” The qunari said.

                “Maybe we should talk to her about letting you out, being left to starve in a cage is a fate no being deserves.” Kallian said.

                “I guess our next stop is the chantry.” Jolene said.

                “Oh fantastic.” Alinn deadpanned. Linara cast him a sympathizing glance, she wasn’t looking forward to it either.

He fell to the back of the group, using his staff as a walking stick in an attempt to look less obviously like an apostate. The group walked past many impromptu refugee shelters as they made their way toward the local chantry. Alinn breathed deeply, no doubt the place would be crawling with Templars. He shot a glance at Morrigan who walked with the confidence only a lifetime of freedom could grant. Alinn was jealous of that air she had about her. The group walked into the chantry courtyard, Alinn glanced in first to assess the situation. His heart stopped when he saw the Templar.

He knew it was him, it shouldn’t be him but it was him. Alinn hid behind the brick wall outside the chantry, he couldn’t let him see him. If he knew Alinn was here he’d probably drag him back to the circle or worse. Alinn could feel his hands shaking and his breath becoming shallower as panic flared across him. He clutched his chest and squeezed his eyes shut, he wasn’t supposed to be here, he was supposed to be back at the tower _why is he here_. He felt himself slipping down the stone but was too busy trying to prevent his emotions from setting something on fire to care. Memories were flooding back to him, memories he’d tried and tried to keep in the darkest corners of his mind were now being dragged into the light.

                _Dark hallways, clang of metal, don’t make noise, wandering hands, nothing he could do to make it stop. Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me. Don’t Touch me._

                “Alinn, are you okay?” Mirah asked.

                Alinn didn’t hear her, he was too far drawn into his own memories. It was too real, he was back in the tower and it was happening all over again. No, he wouldn’t let his memories drag him back to that hell. He needed to ground himself, he needed to know where he really was. He pressed the knuckle of his thumb into the palm of his hand as hard as he could. He was still panicking, but he could see where he really was now. Not in the alabaster halls of Kinloch but in the open spaces of the Ferelden countryside.

                “Alinn! Can you hear me?” Mirah raised her voice to try and break through Alinn’s daze.

                Alinn slid down the wall until he was sitting on the ground, his breath was uneven and rushed. He was shaking like a leaf and his tears just would not stop. Mirah reached out to touch him. She didn’t think it was possible but he somehow made himself even smaller, he began with a shout,

                “Don’t touch me! Please don’t touch me…” he practically whimpered.

                A man began walking over to Alinn and Mirah,

                “Excuse me ma’am, is he sick? Because we really don’t have space for sick knife ear refugees.” The man asked.

                “He’s fine.” Mirah said through gritted teeth.

                “Can I just get a closer look? He seems really sick on account of all that shaking-” the man began, before he could finish the tip of Mirah’s sword was pressed to his throat.

                “Don’t. Touch. Him.” She said, unwavering.

                The man raised his arms in surrender,

                “I can see you have everything under control with your servant.” He began to back away, “I’ll just be going now.”

                “He’s not my servant.” Mirah muttered under her breath as the man fled. Once he was a fair distance away Mirah turned her attention back to the mage, his gaze said he was a million miles away. She crouched in front of him. He blinked as if realizing she was there for the first time.

                “You going to tell me what all this is about?” She asked.

                “ _He’s_ here, the Templar is _here_.” Alinn said.

                “Of course there’s Templars here. We’re standing outside a chantry Alinn! Besides you grew up in the tower I figured you’d be used to them by now.” She said.

                “You don’t understand, this one he. He _did_ things to me. He wouldn’t leave me alone. I- I can’t” Alinn covered his mouth to muffle his sob. Mirah looked at Alinn again,

                “What did he do?” she asked as gently as she could manage.

                Alinn’s hands trembled as he spoke, “He would, touch me and he would say these things, horrible things. What he’d do to me if I said no, he- he did this for years. There was nothing I could do to make him stop, even if I’d tried to use magic which would’ve been suicide he used his Templar abilities to make sure I couldn’t fight back and he would always make these comments and I always knew that he could do whatever he wanted but I was so helpless and I can’t do this I can’t, you probably think I’m lying after all other mages had it much worse I’m just too pathetic to deal with it I’m a fake I should be grateful it wasn’t worse maker knows he could’ve made everything much worse he could’ve-”

                “Alinn!” Mirah interrupted.

                “Huh?”

                She put her hands on his shoulders and leaned in close enough that Alinn could see the individual flecks of dark green in her eyes,

                “I believe you.”

                Alinn wrapped his arms around Mirah’s neck and buried his face in her shoulder, she was the only non-mage who’d ever believed him.

                “Why did no one do anything about it?” She asked.

                “I never told anyone.” Alinn admitted, looking at the ground.

                “Why? Shouldn’t his superiors have done something about it?”

                Alinn looked at her like she was some innocent child, “How do you think his superiors got to where they were? All Templars abuse mages and the ones that don’t do it outright look the other way when they see it happen. I’m hardly the only mage it was happening to.”

                “Are you saying that those Templars knew you were being abused but didn’t step in? I thought the Templars existed to protect mages.” Mirah said.

                “Maybe that was their original purpose, now its just where a knight can do whatever he wants to someone who can’t say no out of fear of murder or mutilation.”

                “I had no idea…” Mirah trailed off, she’d always assumed those mages who complained about circle brutality were being dramatic but here was Alinn, barely an adult telling her that he’d been abused practically his whole life by the very order that was supposed to protect him. Maybe everything she’d heard about the circle had been wrong after all.

                “No one on the outside does.” Alinn said at last as he stood up, still leaning on the brick wall.

                “What did you say that Templar’s name was?” Mirah asked, if this Templar was the one Alinn spoke of she was going to make sure he never hurt another mage again.

                “Ser Bennet, his name is Ser Bennet.” Alinn said.

                Mirah nodded, she went over to the Templar outside the chantry, he was tall and could easily overpower Alinn. She hoped for his sake this wasn’t the Templar. She walked up to the human,

                “Excuse me Ser, do I recognize you from somewhere?” she began.

                “My name is Dennison if that rings any bells.” The Templar said.

                “My apologies, I mistook you for someone else.” She walked back over to where Alinn was still leaning on the wall, seeming to no longer be as panicked.

                “It’s not him Alinn.” She said.

                “You’re sure? I, I thought it was him.” He looked around the corner at the Templar.

                “Maker I’m losing my mind, he doesn’t look a thing like Bennet what’s wrong with me.” He buried his face in his hands.

                “Alinn, Alinn look at me!” Mirah said, cupping Alinn’s face so he had to look at her,

                “You’ve been locked in a tower for over a decade and the first time you’re free you lose the man you love and witness more death than you’ve ever seen before and now you’re one of the last people in all of Thedas who can save the world. It’s completely understandable that you’re reacting this way.”

                “None of the others are fucking hallucinating!” He was shaking again. Mirah was not about to let him shut down again, it had scared her enough the first time.

                “Alinn, you saw the armor and your mind jumped to conclusions, it happens to everyone. You’re fine. You’re going to be okay.” She said, what was taking the others so long in that damned chantry?

                “How do _you_ know that?” He asked, voice cracking.

                “You’re stronger than you think.” She said. “Why don’t we do one of these chanter’s board quests to kill some time?” Mirah hoped the distraction would be good for the mage. They walked away from the chantry. Alinn saw a rather desperate looking family of elves, he pulled on Mirah’s sleeve,

                “I need to know if we can do anything for them.” He said as he guided her to them.

                “Do you have any coin to spare? All of our belongings were stolen by those bandits.” The father elf asked, resting a hand on his daughter’s shoulder.

                Alinn pulled out some coins, “Here’s twenty silver,” he looked at Mirah, “We also killed those bandits on the way in, your belongings are probably still there.”

                “I knew one of our own would help us. We should go see if our stuff is still there.” The elven woman said to her husband.

                Alinn smiled as he and Mirah crossed a white cobblestone bridge to the other half of the village. Alinn spotted an elderly woman handing out blankets and potions, she looked exhausted.

                “Do you think we could help that woman there?” Alinn asked motioning to her.

                Mirah looked at the woman,

                “Couldn’t hurt to ask.”

                Alinn and Mirah walked over to the woman,

                “You two got a place for tonight because we really need to focus on the less fortunate refugees.”

                “We were actually hoping we could help you. Is there anything you need?” Alinn asked.

                “I don’t suppose either of you know any herbalism?” The woman asked.

                “I do actually, what do you need?”

                “Health poultices, we’re low on them. I’m sure you can find the herbs for them in the field just outside the village. I’d scrounge up some sort of reward for you.”

                “How many do you think you’ll need? I have some with me but if this isn’t enough I can make more easily.” Alinn said as he began to pull multiple poultices out of his bag.

                “Oh my, you’re a very well prepared young man aren’t you?” She asked as he kept piling poultices into her arms.

                “In our line of work you have to be. That’s all the ones I have, do you think it’ll be enough?” He asked.

                “This will save a lot of people,” she handed the poultices off to one of the other women in the area. “you’re a good sort you know? And here’s your reward, as promised.” She said as she placed a few silvers into his hand. Alinn placed the coins into his pack and then it was time for him and Mirah to go deal with some diseased bears or something outside of town.

                “We should keep an eye out for that boy’s mother.” Alinn said absentmindedly.

                “I think I found her.” Mirah said as she stood over the body of a dead red haired woman.

                “And I think we have company.” Alinn said as he pulled his staff out.

                “Wolves, just great.” Mirah said as she unsheathed her sword. Her and Alinn’s dogs joined the fight as well but the brunt of the pack was focused on the shield maiden and the mage. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him spin his staff above his head before slamming it into the ground. The blue lightning pulsating from his staff causing five wolves to fall. Mirah killed the other ones. Alinn turned to her,

                “I need to gather some herbs, I’ll be back in a minute.”

                “Alright but if you get kidnapped by bandits I’m letting them keep you.”

                “Same goes for you.” Alinn said as he wandered away. He saw a patch of elfroot and took a few stems leaving the rest for any village healers. He knew for his own potion he needed embrium as well as the elfroot. Linara’s potion would require spindleweed instead of embrium. He hoped he could find those herbs here. He walked over one of the small hills.

                “Ah shit.” He muttered as he realized he was standing right above a bandit camp. He looked to the side and saw his mabari approaching, Alinn put a finger to his lips and then motioned for the dog to come to him. The bandits apparently hadn’t noticed the lone elf and his mabari standing over their camp. Alinn decided to give them a _shocking_ surprise. He cast a chain lightning on them and told Falon to get them. He continued casting spells from a distance. He winced as an arrow hit his gut, but instead of showing any pain he decided to mock the bandits instead because nothing matters anymore.

                “That was nothing compared to the ogre! Give me a real fight you coward!”

                Unfortunately the bandit decided to take Alinn up on his offer. Alinn smacked him upside the head with his staff while freezing one of the bandits down below. He set the man’s bow on fire and fired a few more bolts at the man for good measure. Once the battle was over he made sure Falon was alright, most of the blood wasn’t his.

                “Good dog.” He said. Alinn looked among the thieves belongings for anything worth keeping or trying to locating the original owner. Nothing stood out, although their camp was on the edge of a river that had spindleweed growing on the riverbank.

                “Found your herb Linara.” He said to himself as he harvested lifesaving herbs with bloodstained hands. He washed his hands in the water, feeling the small current flow around his hands. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt that before.

                “It’s really nice to be free.” He said to himself. Falon mushed his face into Alinn’s, Alinn wrapped his arms around the dog’s neck.

                “Yes it’s nice to have you here too.” He reassured the dog.

                “We should get back to the others.” He said, not entirely sure why he was talking to a dog but not caring enough to actually stop. When he came back to where he’d last seen Mirah she was nowhere to be found,

                “Oh crap.” He looked around and saw the large group of misfits standing by the now open qunari cage. If Mirah was anywhere it would be there, he rejoined the others.

                “What happened? You and Mirah just vanished, we were worried.” Kallian said when Alinn returned to the group.

                “I’ll explain later.” He said.

                Meanwhile it had been decided that the qunari known as Sten would be joining the group. Whether or not they’d convinced the revered mother to let Sten go or if Kallian had just broken the lock Alinn wasn’t sure and wasn’t particularly concerned. He saw Linara and tapped her shoulder,

                “Hmm?” she responded.

                “I found the herbs.” He whispered.

                “You sure they’re the right ones?” she asked, worry clear on her face.

                “I’m certain.” He said.

                “Ma serannas.” She said.

                “Now how about we actually do what we came here for and resupply?” Natalia asked the group.

                “That inn might have some supplies, or at least decent food.” Mirah said.

                “We might not all want to go in with our new friend here.” Natalia nodded to Sten.

                “I need flasks for potions, and possibly robes that _aren’t_ covered in blood.” Alinn said. Most of the others had armor while he still had a glorified bloodstained gown on.

                “I’ll go with you, anyone else want to go into the inn and possibly resupply?” Natalia asked.

                “I’ll stay out here.” Mirah said.

                “I’ll go to the inn.” Kallian and Alistair said.

                Linara just pointed to the ground. Morrigan was leaning on Sten’s cage and it didn’t seem like she was going anywhere anytime soon.

                “Alright we’ll see you in a bit.” Alinn said as he and the others headed toward the inn.

                The group that had opted not to go into the inn walked a small distance away from the town so as to avoid panicking the villagers with Sten being out of the cage. They were greeted by a group of about ten refugees,

                “We heard y’all are wardens. I don’t know if it’s true that you killed the king and Maker forgive me, I don’t care. There’s a bounty on your heads that would fill a lot of hungry bellies. Attack!” One of them said.

                “Poor decision.” Morrigan said as she touched her forehead and whipped her arm away from her, sending out a paralyzing wave at the refugees. Linara shot arrows at the paralyzed men while Jolene and Mirah focused on the men who were out of Morrigan’s range. The battle was very short, those refugees hadn’t stood a chance.

                Meanwhile inside the inn things weren’t going much better for the other wardens.

                “Didn’t we ask about an elf by this very description and everyone said they hadn’t seen one?” One of Loghain’s soldiers asked his comrade.

                “Loghain betrayed us at Ostagar.” Alinn said, not breaking eye contact with the soldier.

                “The grey wardens betrayed the king!” One of the men said right before pulling out his sword.

                “I suppose violence is the solution, sometimes.” A redheaded lay sister said as she jumped right to the wardens’s defense with a dagger. Alinn was nervous about using his magic in such a crowded space but he really had no other option. He froze one of the soldiers. The battle was over, not with death this time,

                “Wait wait mercy!” The soldier begged.

                “Good, they’ve seen reason and we can all stop fighting now.” The chantry sister said as she wiped blood off of her face.

                “Bring a message to Loghain.” Alinn said, voice cold as ice.

                “What do you want me to tell him?” The soldier asked, still fearful for his life.

                Alinn’s eyes bored into the soldier, “The Grey Wardens know the truth.”

                “Yes right away sir, thank you sir.” The soldier said as he and two of his comrades half limped half ran out of the inn.

                “Sorry for just jumping in back there, I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing.” The sister said as she cleaned the blood off her dagger with her robe.

                “It’s fine, although most chantry sisters I know don’t know how to fight like that.” Alinn said.

                “I’m Leliana a lay sister here at the chantry and I’m here to help, you’re grey wardens right?” She said.

                “That we are.” Natalia said.

                “We could use any help we can get.” Alistair said.

                “That and the Maker wants me to go with you.” Leliana said.

                “Uh, excuse me?” Alinn asked.

                “I had a dream, a vision, the Maker wants me to help you stop the blight.” Leliana explained.

                “Welcome to the group Leliana, although this is only about half of us, the rest are outside.” Alinn said. With that the inn group finished their escapade without a hitch and went to join the rest of their group outside. They followed the bloody trail to find the rest of them defending two dwarven merchants from Darkspawn.

                “This day is just never ending is it?” Natalia asked as she shanked a genlock. The battle was mostly over by the time they’d gotten there anyway.

                “Thank you strangers, we’d’ve been dead for sure if it weren’t for you lot.” A brown haired dwarf with a braided beard said.

                “We’re Grey Wardens, it’s what we do.” Jolene said.

                “Well if there’s any way we can repay you you let us know.”

                “Having a merchant travel with us could be convenient, and dangerous.” Mirah said.

                “You lot might be a bit too exciting for my boy and me, but we sure do appreciate you saving us.” He said.

                The wardens turned their attention away from the father son duo and to where they were going next,

                “Have we come to a decision?” Alistair asked the group.

                “Arl Eamon.” Alinn blurted out.

                “I agree, if we get the nobles to support us things will be easier in the long run.” Mirah said.

                “Any objections?” Alistair asked the group. The others didn’t seem to care much one way or another.

                “Alright, looks like we’re going to Redcliffe.” Alistair said.

                With that the ragtag wardens headed down the imperial highway, leaving Lothering and all its villagers behind them.


	15. Battle of Redcliffe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Redcliffe needs the help of the merry band of wardens.Then it gets the help of the merry band of wardens. Lots of flirting and hordes of undead, just a typical tuesday right?

The group had been walking since the sun came up that morning, Alinn had never walked so far in his life, he sat briefly to cast a healing spell on his feet, cursing under his breath for not paying more attention to Lyonel’s impromptu lessons. He winced as he saw the blisters all over his feet,

                “Maker’s breath this isn’t fun.” He muttered as he put his boots back on, he hadn’t fallen incredibly far behind the others so he didn’t have to rush to catch up to them. Jolene looked over her shoulder and fell back a little to walk by his side,

                “Do you have a moment Alinn?” She asked.

                “Sure, we’ve got some time before we reach Redcliffe.” He said.

                “We we’re just thinking about which group we should contact after we secure the Arl’s support, any opinions?” She asked.

                “Any idea where your clan is Linara? That would be the easiest way to contact the Dalish.” Alinn asked. Linara who was only a few paces in front of them looked over her shoulder,

                “I could take us to the last place they were but they’re no doubt long gone by now.  My people will no doubt be the hardest ones to locate.” She began walking backwards. “Besides, I think going to your mage tower next would be easiest and the best choice strategically, no point in letting the best and most skilled of the population rot away in that tower when they don’t have to.”

                “I think going to the dwarves would be easy enough, I was looking at the treaties last night and it seems like all we’d have to do is ask the King and he’d have to help us.” Alinn said.

                “Might not want to bring me when you go to the royal palace.” Jolene said, running a hand through her hair.

                “Why?” Alinn asked.

                “Remember when I said I killed my brother? Well my brother was next in line for the throne…” Jolene trailed off.

                “You’re a princess?” Alinn asked, she did have that air of nobility about her but it was one thing to be nobility and very much another to be royalty.

                “Not anymore, I don’t even have a name. As far as Orzammar is concerned I no longer exist so let’s just forget I even mentioned it okay?”

                “Alright, sorry.”

                Linara went back to walking forward and left Jolene and Alinn to continue their own conversation.

                “Can I just say first that I’m so sorry for your loss, I may not have known Lyonel long but in our travels he seemed like a good man, and it was very clear how much he meant to you. Thedas truly lost a good man with his death.”

                “Thank you Jolene, I I appreciate it, he thought well of you as well.” He said. He remembered back when he and Duncan’s other recruits were staying up late that first night of traveling together just talking. It had been lovely, sitting by a fire with your comrades. Natalia kept telling ridiculous stories that Alinn was at least seventy five percent sure she was making up while Lyonel countered with one hundred percent true stories of all the nonsense they’d get up to in the tower along with Jowan. It had been, nice. He wished their current travels had that same feeling, that closeness.

                “Also I just wanted to say you’re very brave, both of you were. That circle was your whole life and I’m sure leaving couldn’t have been easy even with Lyonel at your side.”

                Alinn burst out laughing, when he saw the confusion on Jolene’s face he felt bad and elaborated,

                “Sorry Jolene, I swear I’m not mocking you it’s just, leaving the circle was one of the easiest decisions I’ve ever made. Bravery had nothing to do with it, no the bravest thing we ever did was fall in love.”

                “How do you mean?” Jolene asked.

                “In the circle the Templars will use anything they can against you, if they see that someone matters to you _really_ matters to you they will use that to their advantage. That open demonstrative couple you met when we left the circle was the first time in three years that we could do that without fear of one of us being used as ammunition against the other. Even those names we called each other only worked because we thought of similar enough sounding names for everyone that on the surface it didn’t seem out of the ordinary. Hell we called Jowan ‘Ma assan’ I don’t even know if that’s an actual word!”

                “It means my bow, a term of endearment similar to emma lath.” Linara chimed in.

                “See, we had no idea what we were calling anyone. I’m not surprised you don’t know a lot about the circle though especially since there are no dwarven mages.”

                “I had no idea the circles were such grim places.” Jolene said.

                “That’s why it was so easy for us to walk away. And why I’m not looking forward to going back.” Alinn said.

                “Understandable, I’m not exactly looking forward to going back to Orzammar either.” She admitted.

                Further ahead Kallian and Natalia were carrying on their own conversation,

                “Were there many girls like you in the alienage?” Natalia asked.

                “Well, I’m not sure _girl_ is the best word to describe me but, hot headed angry elves with a knack for petty crime isn’t exactly unusual in the alienage.”

                “What word would you use then?” Natalia asked.

                “Elf, I’m not really a man or a woman, I’m just an elf.” Kallian said.

                “Alrighty then, tell me elf, what did you do before you were a warden?” Natalia asked.

                “Stole, beat up shems occasionally stab a few rich fucks. The usual.” She said.

                “Sounds like we would’ve either gotten along real well or killed each other if we’d met before this.” Natalia said.

                “You were in the carta right? I’ve met a few of their surface contacts.”

                “Yeah, I’ve been up topside a few times before too but never for long. Always thought I was going to fall off or something.” Natalia admitted.

                “And now?” Kallian asked.

                “Well if I start floating into the sky either tell Alinn to magic my ass back down or grab my leg or something, you’re now officially in charge of making sure that sky of yours doesn’t swallow me up.”

                “I think I can manage that.” Kallian said with a smirk.

                The group was almost at the bridge leading into the outskirts of the village. Alistair stood in front of the group facing them all.

                “Before we go any further, there’s something I should tell you all.”

                “You’re an idiot?” Morrigan asked.

                “I’m not going to dignify that with a response. Anyway! I mentioned before that I’m a bastard, well my father was Maric, the late king.”

                “So you’re not only a bastard, but a _royal_ bastard?” Alinn asked.

                “Ha, I should use that one. But let’s not make a big deal about it, I know I’m no prince that’s been perfectly clear. But I just thought you should know before we see Arl Eamon, make things less awkward. I should’ve told you sooner and I’m sorry.”

                “Just how many royals we got in this bunch?” Natalia muttered to Kallian.

                “Jolene, Mirah’s a noble so she may as well be, and now Alistair.” Kallian said, counting each noble on her fingers.

                “Well now that that’s over with let’s get a move on.” Linara said, not giving a rat’s ass about which shems made Alistair. She was at the front of the group when a horrified young man ran toward the group at full speed.

                “Are you here to help us?” The man asked.

                “We’re here about Arl Eamon…” Linara said, stepping back from the man.

                “So, no ones heard about what’s happening here?” The young man asked in horror.

                “There’s been a bit of a civil war going on in case you haven’t noticed.” Mirah said.

                “What’s been happening here?” Alinn asked, making his way towards the front of the group.

                “Undead, hordes of them. You’ll want to talk to Bann Teagan in the chantry.”

                “Bann Teagan, what’s happened to Arl Eamon?” Alistair asked.

                “He’s gravely ill ser. I’ll take you to Bann Teagan right away.” He said before going back from whence he’d come.

                The group crossed the cobblestone bridge and headed down the hill to the valley where Redcliffe was located. There was a small militia of men who’d clearly never held a bow before in their lives.

                “They’re going to get slaughtered.” Linara said.

                “I’m sure that’s exactly what they want to hear.” Jolene said.

                “Oh please like any of them can hear us from here.” Linara said.

                “Let’s go to the chantry, that’s where that villager went.” Kallian said.

The group walked around the militia’s makeshift training ground towards the chantry. Mirah rubbed Alinn’s forearm as they got closer to the chantry offering him whatever comfort she could.

                When the group entered the chantry it was clear the building had been converted into a shelter for all of Redcliffe’s remaining villagers. There was a well-dressed nobleman at the very back of the chantry, Mirah assumed this was Bann Teagan. The large group approached him with Alistair towards the front.

                “We were told we should speak to you about the Arl.” Mirah began.

                “The Arl and the rest of his family haven’t been heard from in weeks.” Teagan said.

                “What’s happened?” Alistair asked.

                “Alistair, is that you? I’d feared the worst when I heard what happened at Ostagar.” Teagan explained.

                “So wait, you know we’re wardens and you _aren’t_ going to try and kill us?” Linara asked, hand reaching for her bow just in case.

                “Loghain calls the Grey Wardens traitors, murderers of the King. I don't believe it; it is the action of a desperate man.” Teagan said.

                “That’s promising.” Mirah said.

                “Will you help us defend the village? I fear we won’t last the night without help.” Teagan asked.

                “Of course, what can we do to help?” Jolene asked.

                “Mayor Murdock and Ser Perth are in charge of the militia and knights respectively, they should be able to tell you more.” Teagan said.

                “We will defend this village and all the people within it you have my word.” Alinn said.

“Let’s go talk to Murdock.” Kallian said as she led the wardens toward the training area where the militia seemed to be the most concentrated. Kallian saw an angry looking man with a long moustache, he seemed to be in charge so she went to him.     

“Teagan says you’re dealing with the undead? We grey wardens might be able to help.” Kallian said.

                “It takes all kinds.” Murdock sneered.

                “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Kallian demanded. 

““We aren't going to turn aside anyone who wants to help, though. Don't take me for being an ingrate or nothing, the name’s Murdock. I’m the mayor of this maker forsaken town. The undead have been attacking us for days now, I fear we won’t last the night if we don’t get help.”

                “It’s a good thing we are here to help then.” Natalia said.

                “What do you need from us Mayor?” Kallian asked.

                “That damned smith Owen could repair our armor but he’s barred himself inside his forge.” Murdock said.

                “We could talk to him if you want.” Linara said.

                “If you could get him to help us that would be a big help.” Murdock said.

                Alinn and the others headed to the forge. Alinn knocked on the door.

                “I ain’t comin out you bastards.” A man’s voice responded.

                “May I come in, I just wish to talk to you.” Alinn asked.

                “Why should I bother?” The man asked.

                “Please I would rather not speak through a-” Mirah cut him off,

                “Open this door before I bust it down!”

                “Alright alright I’ll open the door!” Owen said from inside the forge.

                “Was that really necessary?” Alinn asked.

                “What, he’s letting us in isn’t he?” Mirah said.

                Alinn sighed. An older man opened the door and motioned for them to enter. The smell of alcohol overwhelmed them as they went inside,

                “Maker’s breath it smells like a brewery in here!” Leliana said as she convered her nose and mouth.

                “Somebody’s been drinkiiiing.” Alistair said.

                “Alright I let you in, huh didn’t sound like an elf through the door. Whaddya want?” The man asked.

                “Help the militia you useless drunk.” Mirah said.

                “Wow that was, blunt.” Alinn said.

                Mirah gave Alinn a look he sighed and said nothing else.

                “Why should I? They’ve left my daughter to die.”

                “What do you mean, where is your daughter?” Alinn asked.

                “She’s lady Isolde’s handmaiden. But no one’s going into the castle to get her.” Owen continued, “No one cares about my daughter Valena why should I care about any of them?”

                “What if I rescued your daughter?” Alinn offered.

                “I need more than that, I need a promise.”

                “I promise I will rescue your daughter.” Alinn said.

                “Then I suppose I have some armor to mend don’t I?” Owen said as exited the forge and headed toward the militia.

                “I suppose we should let Murdock know we got Owen’s help.” Mirah said.

                The group walked out of the tiny forge. Murdock went over to them,

                “I don’t know how you did it but even falling over drunk the man’s the best smith in this village.”

                “Do you need us to do anything else to prepare?” Kallian asked.

                “There’s a dwarven man Dwyn, he’s a skilled fighter. If you could convince him to fight with us it would be a great help.”

                Natalia turned to Jolene,

                “Want to ‘encourage’ our fellow surfacer to fight the good fight?”

                “We’re not surfacers.” Jolene replied.

                “While you two do that I say we should talk to that knight Ser Perth. See what he needs.” Linara said.

                “I’ll go with Natalia and Jolene, in case this Dwyn fellow needs extra _encouragement._ ” Kallian said.

                “While we’re at it if we’re intimidating this dude let’s bring Sten, he could make an archdemon shit itself.”

                “Fine.” Sten said.

                “Alright you guys, we’ll meet back here once we’re done.” Linara said.

                The wardens who had opted not to visit Dwyn headed up the hill to the windmill that sat just on the limits of the village. There were a decent amount of well armored knights and a Templar. Mirah stepped in between Alinn and the Templar, Alinn hadn’t even spotted the man.

                “Are you Ser Perth?” Alinn asked one of the knights.

                “You must be the Grey wardens Murdock told us about, I must admit I’m not sure the proper way to address an elf of your rank.” The man began.

                “Call me what you’d call a human, the wardens don’t discriminate.” Alinn said, crossing his arms.

                “Thank you warden, I apologize if I was uncouth.”

                “Regardless, do you need any help preparing for the battle tonight?” Alinn asked.

                “We’re fine as far as supplies go but, could you get the revered mother to grant us protection for the battle?” Ser Perth asked.

                “We’ll see what we can do.” Linara said trying her very best to not roll her eyes.

                “Thank you, maker be with you.” Ser Perth said.

                Alinn had to bite back a cynical sneer at that. He nodded curtly and the wardens were on their way back to the chantry to see about Holy protection for the knights. They saw a rather smug looking Natalia leading her group back to the meeting spot. A dwarven man and two men were now standing with the militia.

                “Looks like you lot had a fruitful journey.” Linara said.

                “It helps when you have Sten here call them cowards.” Kallian said.

                “We get to go talk to the revered mother about the Maker protecting the knights!” Linara said with the most mock enthusiasm she could muster.

                “That sure sounds _fun._ ” Kallian said with a smirk.

                Linara mimed vomiting as she walked with the rest of the group into the chantry. The revered mother was cloistered off to the side with several orphans.

                “Revered mother, may we have a word?” Mirah asked having been dubbed the most likely to not accidentally or intentionally blaspheme in the revered mother’s face.

                “If this is about Ser Perth” She began.

                “He wants you to give the knights holy protection.” Mirah explained.

                “What he wants I am not in the power to give, he wants me to personally assure the maker will keep them safe and no one has the power to do that.”

                “So I take it that’s a no.” Alinn said.

                “You would be correct.” The revered mother said.

                “Thank you anyway.” Mirah said.

                “Maker be with you.”

                Linara and Alinn glanced at each other, eyebrows raised. The wardens didn’t say much on their way to give Perth the news. Linara went up to the knight,

                “Ser Perth your knights are just going to have to do without holy protection.” Linara said.

                “The revered mother refuses to help us then so be it.” Ser Perth said.

                “It seems we’re ready to make our final stand.” Jolene said.

                “Will you wardens be fighting with us or the militia below?” Ser Perth asked.

                “We’ll fight here, the more undead we can keep from the militia the safer they will be.” Alinn said.

                “All that’s left now is to wait for nightfall.” Ser perth said.

As night began to fall Kallian was sitting on a wooden box making up part of the ramshackle defenses at the top of the hill. Natalia leaned on the box,

                “Do you really need to make yourself taller, elf?” She asked.

                “I’m not taller, besides I’m sure my tits look great from down there.” Kallian said as she shot Natalia a wink.

                “I’m not going to deny that your tits are great but it would be nice to be able to see your face when I talk to you.” Natalia said glancing up at Kallian. Kallian shifted so she was laying on the box, face right by Natalia’s,

                “Better?” She asked.

                Natalia looked away from Kallian in an attempt to hide her blushing,

                “Better.” She said.

                “Kallian, shouldn’t you prepare for the horde of undead that are going to appear any minute now instead of flirting with your fellow wardens?” Linara chastised.

                “Yeah yeah I know.” She said as she got off the wooden box. “Happy now?”

                “Yes, very.” Linara said a mischievous look on her face. Kallian knew her friend would no doubt tease her for this later.

                “So, am I the only one who noticed our scary lady spending a lot more time with the littlest elf mage lately?” Natalia asked.

                “No you’re not the only one, I’m not sure what’s going on with them though and since Alinn is flat out denying it it can’t be that serious.”

                “Who said it was serious? I’m just trying to figure out which one of them is the better lay honestly.” Natalia said offhandedly.

                “You’re so vulgar I love it.” Kallian said.

                Now it was Natalia’s turn to wink at Kallian. Right as she was about to make another comment those hordes of undead they’d been told about decided to interrupt.

                “Oh lovely.” Natalia deadpanned. Zombie skeletons were certainly one of the more interesting things to interrupt her hitting on someone that was for sure. She took out the legs of one as it ran towards her. Linara was a champ with her bow. Kallian was spending as much time kicking the skeletons as she did stabbing them. From the back of the group Alinn was shooting icy bolts at the creatures. Morrigan was sending out paralyzing waves toward the creatures, allowing Redcliffe’s knights to take them down with ease.

                There was a brief pause between the first and second wave. Alinn sent up a large ice wall higher up on the hill,

                “It’ll take them some time to get through that.” He said, leaning on his staff for support.

                “Don’t push yourself too hard, we’ll need you when they break through.” Mirah said. Kallian and Natalia gave each other knowing glances. The second wave came slowly, the skeletons were having a difficult time climbing over Alinn’s ice wall.

                “Good thinking lethallan.” Linara said as she shot one down while it was still coming over the wall.

                “It won’t hold forever though.” Jolene pointed out.

                Sure enough some of the skeletons were beating the ice wall with their weapons. It was beginning to fracture and splinter. Just as the wall finally gave out a scout from the village ran up,

                “There’s creatures coming out the lake we’re being overwhelmed!”

                “You knights stay here, we’ve got to help the militia.” Natalia said. She led the other wardens down the hill chasing after the scout. Sure enough the village militia was surrounded by the undead. The wardens stormed the creatures, cutting through them as if they were nothing. Linara was perched on a roof taking out the creatures from a distance. Leliana was a few feet away from her shooting any creature that got too close to Alinn or Morrigan.

                “Creators protect them.” Linara prayed under her breath.

                Kallian and Natalia were back to back stabbing anything undead that moved. Mirah was bashing her shield into any skeleton that got too close to her, or Alinn it would seem. Alinn and Morrigan’s magic seemed to flow around each other like an intricate dance of arcane energy. Linara thought it was beautiful, she couldn’t understand how humans could see something so beautiful and declare those with the powers to do that too dangerous to be free. She wished every mage could live like Morrigan or the Dalish did, free to practice their magic as they pleased.

                The battle was hard on the militia, even with the new armor they were ill prepared. Alinn and the other wardens tried to protect them as best they could but they were still dying all around them. Morrigan turned into a bear, Alinn was more than a little surprised as she began knocking down rows of skeletons at a time with her massive arms. Alinn cast a glyph of warding on a militia member who looked like he was getting overwhelmed. It would give him time to gain his bearings, no pun intended.

                The battle was hard and the militia took heavy casualties but eventually the hordes ended and the morning came. The morning after the battle the fallen were honored along with the wardens who had helped the citizens prepare for the onslaught. After the ceremony Bann Teagan told the wardens to meet him outside of town. They weren’t quite sure what he wanted to talk to them about but they met him outside the old windmill anyway.

“I’m afraid I need your help again.” Bann Teagan began.

                “More undead? Fantastic.” Kallian said.

                “There’s a secret passage into the castle inside the windmill.” Teagan continued.

                “Well that’s certainly convenient.” Alinn said, slightly narrowing his eyes at Teagan.

                “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier but the village needed all the help it could get. I feared you would simply go to Eamon and abandon the village.”

                “Well someone seems to have an astounding level of faith in us.” Natalia said.

                Before Teagan could say anything more a woman came running down the hill,

                “Teagan!” She called in a thick Orlesian accent.

                “Isolde? You’re alive!” Teagan exclaimed.

                “Teagan you must come back to the castle there is an evil force at work.” The woman said.

                “You want him to go into that castle that no one has heard word from in weeks, alone? Sure sounds like a trap to me.” Kallian said.

                “What I, who is this woman Teagan?” Isolde asked, clearly scandalized.

                “Elf.” Kallian said under her breath.

                “She’s a grey warden, they all are. And they’re here to help.” Teagan said.

                “And do you know what this Evil Force is Lady Isolde?” Alinn asked.

                “A blood mage infiltrated the castle, it must be him!” She exclaimed.

                “Please Teagan you have to come back with me, I was only allowed to leave to bring you back.” She said. Teagan looked at the wardens.

                “Take my signet ring, it’s the key to the passageway. Eamon has to be your priority here, Isolde, myself everyone else we are expendable.” He said as he placed the ring in Alinn’s hand.

                “I will find a way to save all of you.” Alinn insisted.

                “If you lot have to die then so be it.” Mirah said at the same time.

                “Maker be with you all.” He said as he went with Lady Isolde.

                The wardens opened the door to the windmill and discovered a trap door underneath a small pile of hay,

                “Looks like we’ve got a castle to sneak into.” Kallian said hoping this would end better than the last castle she ‘visited’.

                Alinn pressed the signet ring into the lock of the door and unlocked the door. They then began descending the stairs that would lead them to Redcliffe castle’s catacombs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so just a little heads up I'm heading to college soon so updates may take a bit longer but I'm not abandoning this thing nooo way! As always I love feedback comments and kudos are always appreciated! Edit: wow I can't believe I posted this without Teagan's conversation! that's what I get for A) not proofreading and B) posting things at 3 am


	16. Redcliffe Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jowan is a walking disaster and some corpses appear, just another day in the life of the merry band of wardens. Now they just have to deal with the possessed mage child and its all smooth sailing, right? right??

The wardens descended the rickety old stairs to the tunnels and dungeons below redcliffe castle. Natalia was toward the back and couldn’t see anything in front of her,

                “Sure hope we don’t get ambushed because all I see is ass as far as the eye can see.” Natalia muttered.

                “I’ve yet to receive a complaint about my ass and I’ll be damned if you’re gonna be the first.” Kallian said.

                “Oh believe me your ass is fine it’s just you know, _seeing_ an enemy before it attacks would be nice.”

                “What do you want me to put you on my shoulders or something?” Kallian asked, mostly joking.

                “Nah, suddenly I’m not minding the view.” Natalia said.

                “By the creators you two are total perverts.” Linara said.

                “Yeah and?” Kallian said.

                There was a scream coming from the other end of the hallway, paired with groaning that sounded very much like the undead.

                “Someone’s being attacked!” Jolene said running down the hall. The others quickly followed her down the hall where three undead were clawing at the bars of a cell. Alinn froze one of them that had its entire arm in the cell. He then kicked the frozen skeleton, causing it to snap apart at the leg. The skeleton raked its fingers down Alinn’s face before he smashed it with his staff. He rubbed his split lip and cast a minor healing spell. He put his staff away and turned to see just who was in the cell.

                “Alinn, is- is that really you?” A voice Alinn immediately recognized asked.

                Alinn felt his jaw drop as he saw none other than Jowan in the redcliffe cell, robes covered in blood that Alinn really hoped was just from the undead.

                “Jowan? Jowan is that really you? What the hell are you doing here?” Alinn asked, he’d set his friend free so he could live a life free of Templar control not so he could get his ass thrown into _another_ prison.

                “Alinn, what are you doing here? Who are these people?” Jowan asked, taking a step closer to the bars.

                “Lyonel and I became wardens after your little uh, _incident_ these are my fellow wardens. Well, most of them, Morrigan joined because she was told to, Leliana came because she wanted to and we kindof adopted sten.” Alinn said.

                “You know him?” Mirah asked.

                “He was a friend of mine in the circle, the one I told you about.” Alinn said.

                “So he’s the lying blood mage who’s now summoning the dead? Fantastic.” Mirah said.

                “I’m not summoning the dead!” Jowan defended himself.

                “Then why are you here, in a jail cell?” Alinn asked, feeling his blood pressure rise in a way that only nonsense with Jowan could ever hope to achieve.

                “Lady Isolde hired me to tutor her son in secret.” Jowan said.

                “Why would she hire a mage to tutor her son?” Natalia asked.

                “Connor had begun to show, signs and Isolde didn’t want him to be taken to the circle.” Jowan explained.

                “Connor a mage? I never would’ve guessed.” Alistair said.

                “Can’t say I blame her.” Alinn said.

                “But I swear I was just here to poison the Arl, I didn’t do any of this undead summoning!” Jowan said.

                “You did what.” Alinn deadpanned.

                “Loghain said that he’d make sure I wasn’t sent back to the circle if I poisoned Arl Eamon. Loghain is a good man so I assumed he had good reason? I’m sorry but believe me I had nothing to do with the corpses.”

                Alinn ran a hand through his hair, attempting to steady his breathing,

                “You really know how to test my ability to survive our friendship don’t you old friend?”

                “I messed up again I know, please help me make this right.” Jowan begged.

                Alinn looked over his shoulder at the other wardens,

                “Are you kidding? He’s a blood mage he needs to die.” Mirah said.

                “I think we should let Alinn decide what happens to him, he’s your friend after all.” Alistair said.

                “I need a minute with him” Alinn looked over his shoulder, “in _private.”_ He said as he opened the door to Jowan’s cell and stepped inside, it was a bit tight but he what he had to say to Jowan was for his ears alone.

                “Jowan.” He said in a low voice.

                “Alinn, I’m so sorry I lied to you I just needed to get out you understand right?” Jowan asked, a glimmer of hope in his voice.

                Alinn grabbed Jowan’s face, “Of course I understand, I would’ve helped you no matter what I just, I. I can’t believe you’re here. First I lose Lyonel and now this I just… I don’t know Jowan I just don’t know anymore.” He pulled his friend into a hug, he felt so familiar like a relic of a world he was no longer a part of.

                “Lyonel’s dead?” Jowan’s voice hitched.

                “He died at Ostagar. Listen to me Jowan, those wardens out there, they don’t know you. They’ll accept whatever I decide to do with you, but I don’t think they’ll be too happy if I just let you go without making a show of it so just.” Alinn paused, briefly checking to make sure the others were out of earshot.

                “Remember that I’ll always love you and I could never hurt you.” Alinn kissed his friend. Alinn walked out of the cell, putting on a mask of anger, he threw the cell door open.

                “I’ve decided what to do with you.”

                Jowan stepped out of the cell holding his hands close to his chest. Alinn glared at his friend and with all the venom he could muster said,

                “Get out, I never want to see you again.” He pointed to the tunnel they’d entered from.

                Jowan looked confused for a second but then ran down the hall.

                “You’re just letting a blood mage go free?” Mirah asked. Suddenly questioning whether or not Alinn was a blood mage too or at least aware that both of his _rather close_ associates practiced the forbidden magic.

                “The decision was left to me and now it’s been made. End of discussion.” He said voice still prickly. He walked further into the dungeon of the castle. Slightly ahead of him Linara saw a myriad of skeletons on the floor, she couldn’t tell which ones were about to get up and attack so she nocked an arrow in preparation.

                “May the dread wolf take you.” She said as she released the arrow at a corpse that had started to move. Kallian and the others quickly joined the fight. Linara kicked a barrel at three shambling corpses knocking them all to the ground. Mirah completely shattered a skeleton with her shield. The battle ended rather quickly with most of the wardens none the worse for wear.

“There’s stairs just over there, we need to deal with these beasts at their source.” Linara said.

She led the group up the stairs to the main floor of the castle. The hall seemed empty for the moment. The wardens slowly filled the space just as undead decided to swarm them in an apparent attempt to overwhelm them. Morrigan scoffed at the undead as she sent out a paralytic wave. Alinn smashed his staff to the floor as a current of lightning came out the stone at the top of it. Kallian stabbed a paralyzed skeleton while she elbowed another one. Jolene used a leg sweep Bhelen taught her on one of the skeletons, grimacing as she buried her sword in its skull. The beasts were soon dead.

Alinn pulled open the door to the private chapel, there were three shades and several skeletons. He felt his entire body stiffen, he hadn’t seen a demon since his harrowing and he really hadn’t been planning on seeing any more in his lifetime. He shot a fireball right at one of the creatures as it started half hovering half swimming towards him. He evaded the shade’s icy grip by rolling ad far from it as he could, it wasn’t the most graceful thing he’d ever done but it bought him the few seconds for the other wardens to get into the fight. He saw a glimmer of fear in Mirah’s eyes he’d never seen before. That scared him almost as much as the shade that was grabbing at Alinn’s staff.

“Stay away from me!” He said, wrenching his staff out of the shade’s grasp as he hexed it.

The shade grabbed the front of Alinn’s robes, he grabbed the shade’s hand and began to burn it. The shade let out a wail that could freeze blood. Kallian made her way over to the creature and stabbed it from behind, causing it to vanish in a puff of smoke.

“Thanks Kallian.” Alinn said, regaining his breath.

“I’m not losing the only family I’ve got left.” She said as she sheathed her swords.

The group exited the chapel. Kallian heard a noise that sounded like weeping coming from one of the closed doors. She approached the door, when she tried to open it the crying was more evident. Kallian got down on one knee and picked the lock, when she opened the door a crying girl was cowering in the room.

“Are you Valena?” Kallian asked.

“I, I am.” The girl said, still visibly distressed.

“Your father sent us to get you out of here, he’s waiting for you back in the village.” Kallian explained.

“But those, those things.” Valena said.

                “We cut a path through them, I’m sure your dad is waiting for you.” Kallian said, stepping out of the girl’s way as she ran down the hallway.

                The group made their way to what seemed like the main hall, only to find it locked.

                “Looks like we’re going to have to keep wandering, fantastic.” Linara deadpanned.

                “There’s some stairs over there, let’s see where they go.” Natalia said.

                “Lead the way.” Kallian said.

                Natalia led the wardens down the set of stairs. They ended up leading to the cellar.

                “Huh, no corpses here.” Natalia said.

                “More stairs, let’s see where they lead.” Jolene said.

                “After you princess.” Natalia said.

                “Call me that one more time and you’ll have a sword in your stomach.” Jolene said as she began ascending the stairs.

                “I like it rough.” Natalia said.

                Jolene was no longer visible but her exasperated sigh could probably be heard all the way in Orlais.  The stairs opened up to the courtyard of Redcliffe Castle. The wardens were greeted by several dozen skeletons and a revenant.

                “What the shit is that?” Natalia asked.

                “That’s a revenant. Basically that’s a demon in a skeleton.” Alinn said, pulling his staff out.

                “Oh, fantastic.” Natalia said as she pointedly attacked a skeleton soldier instead.

Alinn was about to hex the revenant when he felt an energy pull himself, Morrigan and Kallian all the way across the courtyard until all three of them were collapsed at the revenant’s feet. Kallian sprung to her feet and buried her blades in the revenant’s side. It smacked her aside with its massive bronze shield. Alinn felt himself being choked by a strip of leather around his neck. He knocked his head back and made _hard_ contact with the skeleton that had tried to strangle him. He ducked out of the skeleton’s grip and electrocuted it. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Morrigan cast a series of hexes on the revenant while it swung its sword around wildly. Alinn cast a freezing spell on it, giving Morrigan an even bigger advantage against the beast. He saw the other wardens had their work cut out for them with the skeleton archers but he wasn’t about to leave Morrigan alone with the massive undead beast.

                “Don’t just stand there you oaf!” Morrigan yelled at him.

Alinn snapped back to reality and attacked the reventant with all the force he could muster. He could feel the mana draining aura around him but he knew if this creature fell the others would be significantly weakened. He let a wave of electricity flow through him and straight to the revenant while Morrigan cast a weakening hex on the thing. The revenant swug its sword at Alinn, he barely managed to avoid being sliced clean in half. He felt a sting in his stomach from the blade.

                “Oh that’s not good.” He muttered.

Linara joined the battle against the revenant, giving the mages some much needed aid. The revenant tried to pull her towards it just as it had done with Morrian and Alinn but Linara was pressed against a battlement above. If anything it just made her arrows hit it all the more forcefully. While the revenant was distracted. This gave Alinn and Morrigan their chance to combine their powers and take the creature down. It was incredibly draining but they were alive. After the revenant lay dead the mage collected himself, feeling the weight of the harmful aura slowly lifting off him.

“Whatever’s causing this is in the main hall. I can feel it.” He said. He noticed Natalia cradling Kallian’s head in her lap,

                “Is she okay?” He asked, fearing the answer.

                “She hit her head bad when that thing knocked her back. But she’s tough” her voice cracked slightly, “I’m sure she’ll be okay.”

Alinn knelt beside her and placed his hand on the back of Kallian’s hand, he only knew minor healing spells but it would have to do for now. He felt exhausted once the spell was finally cast. Kallian let out a grunt,

                “I must’ve beat it in my sleep. I sure am amazing.” She said, sounding like she wasn’t completely conscious yet.

                “Maybe you should wait out here.” Alinn said.

                “No way, I gotta help you kill that evil thingy…” She tried to stand up and almost immediately fell over again.

                “Woah there hot stuff, maybe you should just sit this one out? You can spar with me later to make up for it.” Natalia said.

                “That better be a promise Brosca.” Kallian said as she sat up.

                “It is.” She said.

                “Alright, let’s go deal with this, thing.” Alinn said as he got up, hoping Kallian would be safe by herself.

                Linara pulled open the massive wrought iron doors to the castle. The wardens headed toward the main hall.

                “There is something very dark at work here.” Alinn said to himself.

                When they made their way to the hall they found Lady Isolde, a young boy who was presumably Connor, and Bann Teagan who appeared to be, dancing? Along with several armed guards.

                “Ah, you’re the ones who ruined my fun!” The boy said, pointing at the wardens.

                Alinn looked at Lady Isolde,

                “You knew your son was possessed and didn’t tell us?” He demanded.

                “Mother what is that? I can’t see it very well.” Connor said, squinting at Alinn.

                “That is an elf Connor, you’ve seen elves before we have them in the castle.”

                “Oh right! I shall enjoy ripping his ears off and feeding them to the dogs!” A deep voice said, still coming from Connor.

                “Well, why have you come here?” The boy asked.

                “We seek an audience with Arl Eamon.” Mirah said, glaring at the boy.

                “Ah, well wishers, father really shouldn’t be disturbed.” The boy said.

                “You really expect us to take orders from a child?” Mirah asked.

                “I’m not having fun anymore, I’m going to make you dance for me!” The child said, a black aura spreading from his hands.

The guards and Bann Teagan attacked the wardens. Alinn bashed Bann Teagan’s head with his staff, hoping he’d only knocked the man out and not killed him. One of the guards who was armed with a crossbow shot Alinn right in the leg. Alinn collapsed, pain coursing through him. Linara leapt to her friend’s defense as a guard was preparing to stab the immobilized mage,

“Halam sahlin!” She shouted as she filled the guard with arrows. _This ends now._

                Mirah regretted having to kill the guards but they were the thralls of, was Connor a blood mage or an abomination? She was unsure but either way they needed to die. Once all the guards were taken care of the boy seemed to at least temporarily be back to himself,

                “Mother? What happened, who are these people?” Connor asked.

                “We’re here to stop the undead and see your father.” Alinn said as Linara helped him to stand up.

                Connor saw the carnage in the hall and ran out of the room,

                “Connor!” Isolde called after him, but the boy kept running.

                Bann Teagan got up, rubbing the rather swollen bump forming on his head,

                “That was, that was scary. I appreciate you coming when you did wardens. I knew I could trust you.” Teagan said.

                “This cannot be allowed to continue.” Mirah said, sheathing her bloodstained blade.

                “That blood mage, he may know what to do.” Isolde said.

                “If you’re referring to Jowan that’s no longer an option.” Alinn said.

                “What, why?” She demanded.

                “He’s gone.” Alinn said.

                “What do you mean gone?” Isolde asked.

                “I mean he is gone, I can’t really get much clearer.” He said. “Now the matter at hand is your possessed son.” Alinn went on.

                “Please there must be something that can be done.” Isolde pleaded.

                “I really can’t see this ending happily.” Natalia said.

                “You can’t seriously be considering killing a child.” Alinn said narrowing his eyes at her.

                “He’s an abomination!” Natalia protested.

                “He’s a _child_ , we’re not killing him and that’s final, there must be another way.” Alinn said, he didn’t want to fight over this but he would defend his fellow mages at any cost. Especially a child who’d been manipulated by a demon to save his father.

                “The circle isn’t that far from here, maybe we can get their help.” Alistair said.

                “Looks like we’re going to the circle.” Mirah said.

                “Fantastic.” Alinn said, pretending his voice hadn’t just jumped an octave.

                “Will you be able to keep Connor under control until we get back?” Jolene asked.

                “We’ll do what we can, please hurry.” Teagan said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback always welcome! my tumblr is alinnsurana


	17. A Broken Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alinn is a perfect example of poor coping skills anxiety and snark all wrapped up into one fiery mage ball. Returning to the circle awakens the Mage Rights Activist Kallian didn't even know she was, oh and a lot of death but no one's surprised at this point

The circle was quite a ways away from Redcliffe despite what anyone said. The wardens were a day outside of Redcliffe, Mirah and Alinn were on watch. Well, Mirah was on watch Alinn had apparently drifted off and was now leaning on her shoulder fast asleep.

                “Men are useless.” Mirah muttered as she looked down at her elf. She pressed a kiss to his temple. Alinn jerked awake,

                “What the hell was that?” He asked.

                “I woke you up, you can sleep when our shift is over.” Mirah said.

                “Really because it seemed like something _emotiony_ had just happened and if I remember right this is an emotionless arrangement.” Alinn said.

                “Oh don’t worry you’re still just a bony elf to me.” She said ruffling his hair.

                “Okay good.” He said, smoothing his hair. “Hey wait a minute I’m not bony!” He protested.

                Mirah took a hold of Alinn’s arm, flopping it around slightly, “You are made of bones, magic, and a little bit of tattoo ink, sorry to burst your bubble Surana.” She said.

                Alinn took his arm out of Mirah’s grip,

                “Are you trying to insinuate I’m weak?” He asked in a joking tone.

                “Wouldn’t dream of it.” She said.

                Alinn smiled at her for perhaps a second longer than he should’ve before staring forward once more. He had visibly stiffened,

                “Are you alright Alinn?” Mirah asked.

                Alinn bit his lip, suddenly feeling the true weight of going back to the circle.

                “I’m not, feeling well.” Alinn said, ever careful of his word choice.

                “Are you alright, do we need to bring you to a healer?” Mirah asked, concern evident in her voice.

                “It’s not something a healer can fix.” He remembered back when Lyonel had tried to cast various healing spells on him to no avail.

                “Is the taint reacting badly to your magic?” Mirah asked, remembering how other than Alinn and Lyonel there had been almost no mage wardens to speak of.

                “No, this has nothing to do with the taint!” He snapped, he felt bad for getting frustrated at Mirah but really, why couldn’t she just let it drop?

                Mirah pulled her hands away from the mage, fearing he was about to set something on fire or the like.

                “Then what is it?” She asked, hardened tone, she needed to know if this was going to pose a problem in their quest to end the blight.

                Alinn jumped up from the log they’d been sitting on, “It’s none of your business that’s what! Why does everyone feel entitled to every little fact about my life? _Oh Alinn what’s it like to lose your partner I bet that hurts does it feel like you’re on fire inside? Hey Alinn I know you were abused and brutalized in the circle but ha ha we’re going back and you have no choice in the matter but no problem right?_ But then again when have I ever had the right to have anything about me be private? My entire life has been a display for others and I’m fucking tired of it!” His balled fists were beginning to flame. “I’m tired of everyone acting as if they have some right to know every. Little. Thing. About me. Every fucking question is like a fucking needle stabbing me over and over again. My illnesses, my trauma, my _life_ is not yours to know nor will it ever be so just drop it!” He yelled. Bitter tears fell from his eyes. The fire in his fists wilted and dissipated after his outburst. He immediately looked remorseful. He pulled his hands close to his chest. He looked down, unable to meet Mirah’s eyes.

                “I’m sorry, that. That was unfair. You just received about a decade’s worth of fermenting emotions I’m sorry it won’t happen again.” He wiped his eyes, finally daring to look at Mirah. She looked taken aback at the normally level headed mage’s outburst.

                “Alinn, at the risk of incurring more of your wrath I have to ask. Are you going to be okay?”

                Alinn let out an exasperated sigh, “No, of course I’m not going to be okay! Even my standard of what ‘okay’ is is twisted beyond belief by the damn circle. I’m going back to that hellhole and I’m not entirely convinced they won’t try and force me back since in their eyes I’m an apostate! And I’ve let a blood mage escape them twice now. They, they could kill me, or worse for what I’ve done and I would be defenseless to do anything about it.” He knew he was trembling but he couldn’t do anything to stop it. He felt Mirah wrap her arms around him.

                “If they want you they’re going to have to get through me.”

                Alinn tentatively wrapped his arms around Mirah in a moment of weakness he likely wouldn’t repeat. It felt strange being friends with someone who was neither an elf nor a mage but regardless he was glad he had her.

                “You can’t bottle thing up like that Alinn, it’s not healthy. Promise me you won’t let it get that bad again. You need to talk to someone about these things, I don’t care if it’s me or Kallian or whoever you just can’t let that fester inside you like that.”

                “I promise.” He said.

                The next morning the group were making their way towards the circle of magi. Alinn was walking with Morrigan,

                “So that shapeshifting thing you do. I’ve never seen any magic like that.” He began.

                “I would imagine you haven’t in your circle, tis an ancient magic, thankfully there are those of us who still practice it. Those of us who refuse to bow down to the chantry jailers.”

                “We need to preserve those traditions. And the circles need to be dissolved.” Alinn said.

                “Strange opinion considering where you came from, though I imagine you felt much like a caged bird in that circle did you not?”

                “Understatement of the age.” Alinn said.

                “So, you don’t feel I should be burned alive for my abilities?” Morrigan asked.

                “I was actually wondering if you’d be willing to teach me to do that.” Alinn said.

                “Certainly, once we’ve stopped travelling for the evening find me and we’ll see if you’re capable of it.” Morrigan said.

                Further back Linara was having the time of her life annoying the shit out of Kallian,

                “So, you and Natalia seem to be rather close lately.”

                “Yes I made a friend is that so surprising?” Kallian asked, already knowing Linara’s response.  
                “A friend who very regularly compliments your tits and your ass.” Linara pointed out.

                “Can you blame her? I’m very attractive.” Kallian said.

                Linara rolled her eyes, “If you two are an item you can just say so.”

                “We’re not, er well we’re not exactly a- don’t give me that look Linara!” Kallian said blushing terribly.

                Linara chuckled as she patted Kallian on the head.

                “I hate you.” Kallian said.

                “What are friends for?” Linara said.

                Jolene was at the front of the group with Leliana and Natalia when she and Natalia shared a knowing glance. They could feel the taint in their blood like a slow burning fire. The song humming quietly in the back of their minds, slowly growing louder. There were darkspawn nearby. They drew their weapons, the other wardens behind them did the same. This time luckily it was only a few stragglers and not an entire squad or legion of the beasts.

                “Well that wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be.” Natalia said once the battle was over.

                “Would you rather we’d encountered a hundred darkspawn?” Jolene asked, incredulous at Natalia’s desire for _more_ darkspawn.

                “Hey I’m not ungrateful that we haven’t been ass deep in darkspawn since Ostagar I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt if we killed a few more darkspawn in these straggling bits _before_ they become a giant ass army.”

                “Regardless we should keep moving, every delay we take is another moment that _child_ could be wreaking havoc in that village.” Jolene said. Soon the circle was visible on the horizon, within the hour they would be on the shore of Lake Calenhad.

                “We’ll be there soon.” Jolene called back to the others.

Alinn felt faint as he saw the Circle tower sticking out of the middle of Lake Calenhad. He felt a hand rest on his shoulder,

                “You going to be alright?” Mirah whispered in his ear.

                “Probably not.” He admitted.

                “How can I make this easier?” She asked.

                “Don’t let them destroy me.” Was all he said as he stared at the tower.

                Those words struck Mirah to the core, how horrible must his experiences have been for him to ask her not to let them _destroy_ him, not “don’t let them hurt me” or “don’t let them take me back” but “don’t let them destroy me”. In the short time she and Alinn had been together she had never wanted to protect him more than in that moment. She wanted to envelop him in her arms and keep him as far from the chantry and it’s Templars as possible. But instead she would stand at his side as they entered the last place he ever wanted to return to.

                Alinn began walking down the hill towards the docks. He looked around for Kester the ferryman. He spotted him near the inn.

                “That’s who we’ll want to talk to.” He said. He lead the group over to where the old man was leaning on a wooden structure.

                “Kester, why aren’t you over by the docks?” Alinn asked.

                “You’re one of those wardens, I remember takin you and that other fellow across with Duncan and his recruits… The Templars said no one’s allowed in the tower. Took my boat and everything!” the old man said.

                “Fantastic.” Natalia deadpanned.

                “Maybe we should talk to that man on the docks, perhaps he can get us across?” Jolene pointed to a man in Templar armor. Alinn felt his blood run cold at the sight of him but he pushed that feeling down. He was going to face his fears once and for all, it was one Templar, he could do this. He was at the front of the group as they approached the small dock,

                “Halt. I’m to let no one into the tower.” The Templar said.

                “And, who are you exactly?” Alinn didn’t recognize this Templar, but then again there were many Templars in the tower.

                “I am the person appointed to stop all unauthorized access to the Circle Tower. Meaning you. Because you're unauthorized.” He said.

                “Oh how charming.” Alinn said, “Would it change your mind if I said I was not only a grey warden but a _mage_ as well?”

                “A grey warden huh? Prove it then! Kill some darkspawn!” The man said waving his arms uncomfortably close to Alinn’s face.

                “I have these treaties if you don’t believe me.” Alinn said, his patience wearing thin with this jackass of a Templar.

                “Oh, a Grey Warden treaty! So you're supposed to be one of those. Well, I've got some papers too! They say I'm the Queen of Antiva! What do you have to say to that?” Carroll mocked.

                Linara felt a fury rise in her as she went to the front of the group, arrow nocked and aimed right at the Templar,

                “ _I_ say we’ve had enough of your blatant disrespect and you’re going to take us across before I lodge an arrow in your neck, we clear?”

                “Clear… Although I don’t think the boat will fit all of you.” Carroll said.

                Linara lowered her bow and looked at the others behind her, some of them seemed shocked by her outburst while Kallian seemed very pleased with her friend.

                “We don’t all need to go anyway.” She pointed out.

                “This is a warden matter so I’d say Sten, Leliana and Morrigan should stay behind.” Natalia said.

                “Something tells me Morrigan wouldn’t really enjoy the circle anyway.” Alinn said looking at Morrigan as he spoke.

                “Something tells me you are correct.” Morrigan said.

                “Maybe Alistair should stay behind too? A warden with them in case darkspawn show up while we’re in the tower?” Jolene suggested.

                “Don’t I get a say in this?” Alistair asked.

                “Alistair do you mind staying behind and protecting our friends from darkspawn while we go to the mage tower and ask the mages very nicely to help us with Connor?” Alinn asked with equal parts sweetness and sarcasm.

                “Alright but only because you gave me those sad mabari eyes.” Alistair said.

                “Thank you Alistair.” Alinn said.

                “Take us across, and do it quickly.” Linara said to the Templar before she and the other wardens got into the boat, which even with the reduced number of wardens was quite cramped. Alinn could scarcely bear to look at the ever looming tower growing closer with each oar stroke. Linara touched his arm and muttered something to him in elvish, he didn’t know what it meant but it sounded reassuring nonetheless. The boat came to a halt,

                “We’re here.” Kallian said, becoming aware of the sheer magnitude of the circle for the first time. The foreboding structure left a sour taste in her mouth as she thought of Alinn being dragged here as a child. The wardens spilled out of the small boat and approached the entrance to the tower.

The large wooden doors to the tower stood in front of Alinn, just as they had what seemed like an eternity ago when he was first recruited. His hands hovered in front of the handles of the doors, he couldn’t bring himself to touch them.

“I got this.” Natalia said, it was a bit of a stretch for her but she got the doors opened anyway.

                Alinn was overwhelmed the second he stepped across the threshold. His senses were bombarded with the sharp smell of blood and various Templars shouting all sorts of things. He could practically taste the panic in the air. He saw the Knight Commander at the center of the room, directing Templars about. Alinn went over to him.

                “Greagoir, long time no see.” Alinn hoped his dry tone would hide the panic just behind his words.

                “Surana, it’s good to see you survived Ostagar.”

                “We both know that’s not true.” Alinn said, knowing the knight commander had probably cheered when he found out the news, thinking himself rid of his three least favorite apprentices all in one go.

                “Be that as it may I really don’t have the time for pleasantries, why are you here?” He asked.

                “We need the mages to help us against the blight and a possessed boy.”

                “I am weary of the Grey Wardens' ceaseless need for men to fight the darkspawn, but it is their right, however that will not be possible at present.” Greagoir began.

                “Why is that?” Alinn asked.

                “Let me speak plainly, the tower is no longer under our control.” Greagoir said.

                “What do you mean the tower isn’t under your control? What’s going on here?” Alinn demanded.

                “The tower is overrun by demons, abominations and blood mages. Don’t think I’ve forgotten your part in Jowan’s escape.” Greagoir glared at Alinn as he spoke.

                “I’m glad I could help my friend escape you and your order of _sadists._ And if the tower is so bad why are you lot hiding out here like cowards while innocent mages are _dying?_ ” Alinn yelled.

                “We have to wait for reinforcements and the rite of annulment from Denerim. I won’t risk more of my men in a hopeless cause, I have no doubt that the mages are dead.”

                Alinn dropped his staff when he heard the _rite of annulment_ he knew if he was going to save his fellow mages he would have to think quickly,

                “Surely they can’t all be dead, let me in and I’ll deal with the demons.” He pleaded.

                “Your faith in mages is admirable but we’ve already lost too many to the beasts, the rite is the only way.” Greagoir said.

                “I hate to say it, but he may be right.” Mirah said.

                Alinn picked his staff up, feeling fury burn beneath his skin,

                “Are you seriously supporting this? You don’t understand what the rite is, it’s not just “kill all the blood mages” or “kill everyone who attacks you first” it is a death sentence. It means we kill every mage in that tower, from five year olds torn from their families a week ago to aging elders who can barely see anymore. If you are going to endorse that well…” Alinn stood in front of Mirah, head turned up to look right into her eyes,

                “Then the first mage you cut down will be me.” He said holding his staff parallel to the ground.

                The Templars around him drew their blades, Mirah raised her hand locking eyes with every Templar,

                “This is a warden matter, put your blades away.” She ordered. She turned her attention back to the elf, who had not backed down,

                “If you feel so strongly about this-” she started.

                “I will not let you massacre my people.” He said.

                “Then we have some mages to save, don’t we?” She finally conceded.

                “Good, no time to waste.” He said as he went towards the doors to the inner part of the tower,

                “I’ll only believe the tower is secure if I hear it from Irving.” Greagoir said.

                Alinn took a mental note of that, “Then you wait here while we get Irving.” He said, he then turned his attention to the Templars in front of him,

                “Out of my way you glorified jailers.” He said as he headed toward the doors.

                “We won’t let you out until you either bring the first enchanter or we receive approval for the rite.” One of the Templars said. Alinn didn’t deign him worth responding to as he went into the inner sanctum of the tower the others quickly followed suit. The doors were sealed behind them, Alinn felt a chill run up his spine as he realized he was once again trapped in this hell.

                Kallian and Linara were at Alinn’s side immediately, Kallian had been prepared to slit Mirah’s throat if she’d actually tried to hurt Alinn and she’d do the same to anyone else who dared hurt her brother. She glared at Mirah as the group of them walked past the apprentice’s quarters.

“This place is heavy with death.” Alinn said, sensing a disturbance in the fade, probably from too many blood mages. When the wardens came to the open area between the library and the apprentices quarters they saw a group of about five adult mages and several young children. The adults were battling a rage demon while the children cowered. Alinn cast a frost spell on the fiery spirit. With a final spell from one of the circle mages it was gone. An elderly mage woman turned around to face the group of wardens, Alinn recognized her immediately,

“Wynne? You survived Ostagar?” Alinn asked.

                “You, how did so many of you survive?” Wynne asked in disbelief.

                “By running like hell.” Natalia said.

                “We have to get to Irving before the Right of Annulment arrives from Denerim. We have no time to lose.” Alinn said.

                “I feared Greagoir may have sent for it.” Wynne admitted.

                “We need to get to the rest of the tower, if you could bring down that barrier please?” Kallian asked.

                “If you are truly here to help us then I will go with you.” Wynne said.

                “Wynne you took a bad hit in that last fight, are you sure you’ll be alright?” A mage woman asked.

                “I’ll be fine Killi I am not made of glass. You and Kinnon keep the children safe until I return.” She said.

                “We could use all the help we can get Wynne.” Alinn said.

                Wynne nodded as she led the wardens to the barrier she’d set up,

                “It’s impressive.” Linara said.

                “I did what I needed to, are we all ready to face what lies beyond this barrier?” Wynne asked the group.

                “It’ll take more than blood mages to take me down.” Mirah said.

                “Alright.” Wynne said before taking down the barrier.

Alinn walked beside Wynne, trying his best to figure out just what happened while he’d been gone.

                “The circle allied itself with Loghain in exchange for more freedom, I told Irving of Loghain’s treachery and… This happened.” She explained just what Uldred had told the other mages and Alinn felt a twist in his gut. If he hadn’t been a warden, there was no doubt in his mind that even if he knew of what Loghain had done he still would side with him if it meant more rights for mages. That knowledge made Alinn feel ill.

                “Do you know if healer Dianna is still alive?” Alinn asked, knowing Lyonel’s mentor would want to know her apprentice died a hero.

                “I don’t know, I’m sorry.” Wynne said.

                Alinn sighed, he wasn’t surprised but it still would’ve been nice to tell _someone_ that Lyonel cared about that he was a hero. He saw Kallian out of the corner of his eye, remembering how she’d told him how Lyonel had saved her life on the battlefield when Deadrick’s death had immobilized her. He remembered how Lyonel had always said he wanted to make a difference, to _matter._ Without Lyonel Kallian would be dead, as far as Alinn was concerned that was a huge difference and it sure as hell mattered.

                He couldn’t remain in his own thoughts for too long however as the second the party entered the library they were attacked by a pack of abominations. Alinn had never seen an abomination before in his life, it chilled him to the bone seeing these quaking piles of drooling flesh knowing that somewhere underneath all that was a desperate mage. He cast a fire spell on one that came barreling towards him and Wynne. He felt his pulse racing as a dead abomination exploded into flames near him.

                He felt the flames burning his exposed arm _curse these feathery robes_ he thought to himself as he began to chill his own arm to avoid being critically burned. These abominations apparently all burst into flames when they die. Alinn and the others were jumping back from every abomination as it fell to avoid the flames. The bottom of Alinn’s robes were singed, he noticed a scorch mark on Mirah’s warden shield.

“Is it normal for those things to just, go up in flames when they die?” Jolene asked.

                “I’ve never seen an abomination before, but let’s go with yes.” Alinn said.

                Alinn felt the burn on his arm healing, it was proper healing magic this time, something he hadn’t felt since Lyonel died. He looked over his shoulder and saw Wynne casting a group healing spell.

                “You’re a healer?” He asked.

                “I’m a spirit healer yes.” Wynne said.

                “That’ll certainly be useful.” Mirah said, mentally noting that Alinn while a skilled mage didn’t know jack shit about healing meanwhile Wynne did. They fought the remaining abominations until they finally made their way to the stairs leading to the second floor of the tower,

                “How many floors has this place got?” Natalia asked.

                “Four plus the harrowing chamber.” Alinn said.

                “Oh, fantastic.” Natalia said.

                On the second floor they encountered reanimated skeletons, Alinn felt like he was going to be sick as he realized he recognized who many of these corpses used to be. He couldn’t even look at them dead on as he fought them. A mage corpse that had once been a healer wrapped its skeletal hand around Alinn’s throat. Kallian body slammed the creature and buried her daggers in it. She panted as she got off of it,

                “No one hurts my family.” She whispered.

                

                They went further into the tower and were promptly attacked by blood mages. Alinn recognized all three of them, he’d talked to them before. He felt sick as he heard one of them get stabbed,

                “You’re not the first maleficar to die at my hand nor will you be the last.” A husky voice Alinn knew all too well said. Alinn’s entire body seized up when he heard Mirah say that,

                “We haven’t encountered any other blood mages.” He said.

                He saw the realization in Mirah’s eyes. “I can explain!”

                “You better start.” He said, before the conversation could go any further the last blood mage, a girl Alinn knew was begging for her life,

                “Please don’t kill me!”

                “Wait.” Alinn said, walking over to Linara who had an arrow aimed right at the girl.

                “Those people you killed didn’t want to die either.” Alinn said.

                “But, you know what it was like, the Templars always watching you, all the- things they let happen. Change never comes peacefully, Andraste started a war to end slavery and we thought.”

                “You thought you could save yourselves, even if it meant doing something truly desperate.” Alinn said, understanding their reasoning all too well.

                “Yes! Exactly, please Alinn I know I’ve no right to ask but, please don’t kill me.”

                “Analia, get up I’m not going to kill you for doing exactly what I would’ve done.” Alinn said.

                Analia got up off the ground,

                “Thank you Alinn, maker bless you for your mercy. I will never forget this!” She said.

                Alinn smiled slightly as she went down the stairs toward at least temporary safety.

                “You let _another_ blood mage go?” Mirah asked in disbelief.

                “That brings us back to my original question, when the hell did you kill a blood mage?” Alinn demanded.

                “It’s not important right now.” She said.

                “Oh yes it is or you would’ve just said it by now.” Alinn said patience wearing thin.

                “Just drop it Alinn we have more important things to do right now.”

                “Spit it out already Cousland!” He yelled at her.

                “I killed Lyonel okay? That’s the big fucking secret! I stabbed Lyonel on the battlefield and ripped that amulet” she pointed at the amulet around Alinn’s neck “off his neck while he was dying! You happy now?” She screamed back at him.

                “Lyonel. Wasn’t. A. Blood. Mage.” Alinn said trying his damnedest not to actually kill Mirah where she stood.

                “Yes he was, I saw him summon demons on the battlefield!” Mirah protested.

                “He was a healer, if he resorted to blood magic it was a desperate attempt to survive a hopeless battle!” Alinn retorted.

                “Alinn you have to believe me,” She reached out to him, he jerked away from her.

                “If you _ever_ try to touch me again I’ll kill you where you stand.” Alinn said before turning around and walking further into the second floor of the tower. Kallian was immediately at Alinn’s side, occasionally checking over her shoulder to make sure Mirah kept her distance.

The cluster encountered a few more abominations and blood mages. Alinn said nothing as they moved throughout the tower. Kallian put her hand on his wrist causing him to look at her. She said nothing but the concern was clear on her face. He looked away and said nothing as he threw open the door to the third floor of the tower.

The band of wardens and Wynne continued further into the third floor of the tower where they were confronted by a desire demon and roughly a dozen Templars under her command.

                “Intruders! Attack!” The demon commanded as she moved her arms about. The Templars were all yelling various battle cries. Alinn felt no mercy for them as he cut them down. He did however focus on the desire demon, she was likely enhancing the Templars’ abilities. He attacked the demon at the same time as Mirah did. When the demon fell her hold on the Templars dissipated. Alinn felt the mana drain one of them was still using, he looked around to see which of the remaining Templars it was. He froze as he locked eyes with none other than Bennet. Alinn felt a surge of fury course through his body.

                The tiny mage jumped onto the Templar, who was now free of the demon’s control. Alinn sat on the Templar when he fell to the floor, pinning him in place. He was practically snarling at the man. Mirah knew exactly who that Templar was, she motioned for the others to stay back. Alinn no doubt wanted to do this himself. Alinn punched the Templar in the eye,

                “Someone get this mage off me!” He yelled as Alinn hit him again. Alinn’s was relentless, how many times had he imagined himself doing this? How many nights had he come back to the apprentice’s quarters with lies to cover up the real source of his black eyes and bruised body? How many times had he prayed for someone to get rid of Bennet? He learned a long time ago that the only thing answering his prayers was himself. If he wanted Bennet dead he was going to have to make it happen himself.

                He wrapped his hands around Bennet’s neck, crushing him with all his might,

                “I don’t need magic to kill you. I can kill you with my bare hands.” Tears streamed down his face as he repeated the mantra Bennet had used on him for years.

                “Look at me you bastard!” He shouted as he bashed Bennet’s head into the stone floor.

                “I want to see the fear in your eyes when I kill you you _monster_. I want you to finally know at least for a moment what it’s like to be completely helpless in the hands of someone with complete and total power over you.” He tightened his grip on Bennet’s throat. He overheard Kallian call out to him but didn’t hear what she’d said. He felt an intense pain in his side and Bennet pushed him to the floor. He saw blood running down his body and a dagger sticking out of his side. He grimaced as he pushed himself off the floor. He was running on pure hate, he was going to kill Bennet even if he killed himself in the process.

                Bennet went toward the group of wardens,

                “Keep that knife-eared abomination away from me! She’s clearly out of her maker cursed mind!”

                Kallian kicked Bennet in the crotch,

                “The only abomination here is you. And he’s here to get rid of abominations.” Kallian said.

                Alinn limped over to the others, Kallian was digging her boot into Bennet’s arm.

                “He’s all yours Alinn.” She said.

                Alinn was on the floor, flame in his palms as he pressed his hands onto Bennet’s face. There was a weighted silence from the group as the smell of burning flesh and petrified screams filled the room.

                “This is for every mage you ever hurt.” Alinn said as he pulled Bennet’s head as far off the ground as he could before he brought it crashing into the stone one final time, the sickening crunch affirming that it was finally over. Kallian helped Alinn to his feet. Mirah went to help but the fury in Kallian’s eyes told her that was a bad idea. He winced as the dagger was removed from his side. He felt unsteady on his feet but he was unsure if it was from blood loss or from knowing that he’d finally killed Bennet and he would never hurt another mage as he’d hurt Alinn.

                Mirah felt her heart race as Alinn’s blood began to pool on the ground,

                “Wynne, Alinn needs healing!” Kallian said. He wasn’t even standing at this point, Kallian tightened her grip on him. Wynne came over to Kallian and Alinn and held her hands just above Alinn’s wound. Her hands glowed a blueish white and soon his wound was healing, it wasn’t completely healed but it was no longer debilitating. Mirah reached out to touch Alinn,

                “Don’t you dare shem.” Alinn grimaced as he pushed Mirah away from him leaning on Kallian for support. The words stung Mirah like acid, not that she didn’t deserve them.

                “We need to keep moving.” Wynne said.

                “Of course.” Alinn said as he walked away from the corpse filled room.

                They encountered two more rooms of abominations before they reached the stairs to the fourth floor. Sparks of electricity crackled all around Alinn, his emotions once again on display through his magic. He only allowed Linara and Kallian to even get within three feet of him without shocking them. Needless to say the rest were keeping a reasonable distance between themselves and the mage, Mirah was at the very back of the group. They moved through the floor, encountering a blood mage and her Templar thralls. Alinn went for the Templars, practically ignoring the blood mage in control of them. Kallian was the one to cut down the mage. The Templars were still fighting them and they went down quickly enough. Mirah tried not to wince when she saw Alinn spit on one.

                Alinn was on the verge of a breakdown, he was trapped in this tower, who knows if Irving was even still alive and now once again someone he trusted had lied to his face, he couldn’t believe he’d ever thought he could care about her. He wanted to scream or set Mirah on fire, but he had to focus on his fellow mages. That was a wrong he could right. He opened the doors to the main room of the fourth floor.

                A large abomination stood in the room, Alinn saw a mage collapse beside it. The creature lethargically stretched its arm toward the group,

                “Ah, you all must be very tired from your journey here.”

                “Shut…up.” Alinn said, suddenly requiring significantly more effort to speak.

                “Why don’t you rest a while? It will make you very happy I promise.” The abomination said.

                “Don’t listen to it! You have to resist it.” Wynne said.

                Natalia felt her eyelids grow heavy, no matter how hard she tried to keep her eyes open she collapsed in exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have accepted that I am terrible at chapter summaries and the like. So yeah as usual I love feedback and all that jazz, next we're going to the fade!!! but yeah, f e e d b a c k is always welcome!!


	18. Faded Realities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wardens are trapped in the fade, and Natalia is the only one who can save them.  
> Tw for mentions of abuse and rape

                Natalia groaned as she awoke, all her recent memories were hazy. As she looked around she realized she was in her house in Dust town. She had a wicked headache and realized if she didn’t get her ass out of bed soon Beraht would have her head on a spike. She pushed herself out of her bed and walked out of her room. Rica and her Mother were in the main living space,

                “Nat, it’s good to see you up did you sleep well?” Rica asked.

                “Yeah I just, have a wicked headache…”Natalia said, still feeling as if everything around her were slightly hazy.

                “Here, have some hot water.” Her mother offered.

                That took Natalia by surprise, her mother normally would’ve said something along the lines of _we all have problems_ before getting another bottle of moss wine out.

                “Ma, are you feeling alright? You’re acting a bit different from usual…” Natalia said, swaying a bit on her feet.

                “Whoa there sis, why don’t you sit down for a bit?” Rica asked as she sat Natalia in a chair.

                “I stopped drinking, don’t you remember?” Her mother asked.

                Natalia felt like something was off, her mother had never been able to stay sober for more than a few days, what changed?

                “I should get going, Beraht won’t like it if I’m late.” Natalia began to get out of her chair.

                “Beraht’s dead sweetheart, you’re in charge of the carta. Dwarves report to _you_ now, and I’m so proud of you.” Her mother said as she motioned for Natalia to sit back down in her chair. That’s when it clicked, her mother would never _ever_ be proud of anything her ‘worthless brat’ did.

                “I have no idea who you are but you sure as hell aren’t my mother.” Natalia said, jumping out of her chair.

                “Foolish girl! I give you everything you’ve ever wanted and you throw it back in my face like a spoiled brat!” Her mother shouted, now _that_ she’d believe.

                “Whatever you are I want nothing you can offer me.” Natalia said, pulling out her blades.

                Her mother and Rica attacked her, she had no choice but to kill them. Her mother fell first, the look in Rica’s eyes when she stabbed her. Natalia just shook her head, this isn’t real _this isn’t really her._ She tried desperately to convince herself. She fell to her knees, all her life she’d fought to protect Rica and now, now she was standing over her sister’s body.

                “This can’t be real.” She said again. When she looked up she was no longer in Dust town, or anywhere she recognized for that matter. It was this strange greenish-black place with floating islands all throughout,

                “What the fuck.” She whispered softly. When she looked down there were no bodies at her feet, just piles of ash.

                “Where the hell am I?” She asked no one. The only thing in her chunk of the fade seemed to be this strange pedestal with some glowing glyph surrounding it,

                “By the stone where’s Surana when you need him?” She asked herself as she walked over to the thing. There were runes all along the top of the pedestal, which was roughly at eye level with her.

                “What do I do with you?” She asked. She put her hands on top of the pedestal. She was surrounded by a bright white light. She couldn’t take her hands off the pedestal,

                “Oh shit, shit I fucked up SHIT!” She yelled as she felt herself and the pedestal transported somewhere else entirely. When the pedestal from hell landed and the light faded Natalia couldn’t stop shaking,

                “What the fuck, what the fuck. I don’t understand what the hell is happening holy shit where is everyone I can’t do this alone.” She muttered as she looked at her shaking hands.

                “You managed to break out of your dream. Impressive.” A voice said.

                Natalia leapt, “Who the fuck just said that?” She asked.

                “My name is Niall, I was a mage at the circle, who are you?” He asked. Natalia saw the mage, hadn’t he been in the tower before they all went down? Wait, wasn’t he supposed to have something important? Litmus of Andraste or something?

                “I’m Natalia, a grey warden. Where are we?” She asked.

                “We’re in the sloth’s domain, the fade.” Niall began.

                “Oh fuck no, that can’t be right.”

                “Why is that so hard to believe?”

                “Never mind, how do I get out of here?” Natalia asked, trying to slow her hurried heart.

                Niall let out a laugh, “You think I haven’t tried? There’s no way out. If you could shrink to a mouse or something you could maybe but,” he let out a sigh, “it’s impossible.” He said.

                “That pedestal, can it take me to my friends?” She asked, trying as hard as she could to suppress the ever growing need to scream in terror.

                “It’ll take you to other parts of the fade, your friends will be trapped in nightmares just like you were.” Niall said.

                “Thanks uh, I’ll be back maybe.” She said. She headed back towards the pedestal when she saw a purple portal like thing.

                “I’m going to regret that.” She said as she walked up to it. It towered over her, probably designed with demons about human size in mind. The swirling purple and black in it made it a foreboding structure.

                “What have I got to lose?” Natalia said in a pained laugh as she stepped through it. When she came out the other side the portal was now just a circle of sticks,

                “Fuck” she said as her voice jumped an octave.

                She saw a rage demon approaching her, “Oh Fuck!” She yelled as she pulled her blades out to defend herself, it was surprisingly easy to take the thing down. Once it was dead she saw a mouse.

                “Take my power, slay the demon that rules here, make my-” the mouse dropped dead before it could finish speaking. A sparkling trail of magic flowed into Natalia from the mouse’s body. She felt something course through her and suddenly she was even smaller than before. She looked around and realized she’d turned into a mouse. Natalia decided this was as good a moment as any to have a breakdown. She let out a cacophonous scream, if it were possible for a mouse to cry she no doubt was.

                “What’s happening to me?” She wept.

She was shaking like a leaf, she was going to die in this place and she wasn’t even going to be in her proper form when she did! She looked around to see if anything could change her back, she saw a small mouse hole. She took a deep breath before deciding to go exploring in the fade underground rat city she had no doubts she was about to discover. She crawled through the hole and eventually came out in a wildly different part of the fade. She focused hard on her form as a dwarf, praying to the stone that maybe, just maybe it would change her back? It worked, slowly but it worked nonetheless. There was only one path for her to walk it seemed. She walked through this path and saw two rage demons standing in front of the new portal.

“Lovely, I get to fight more of you.” She said. The demons came towards her, she certainly wasn’t used to fighting fiery balls of demon with nothing but her daggers but she managed. Her fingers were badly singed but she was alive. She went through the portal and found herself back where she’d started, near the mage Niall. She was glad she was somewhere recognizable at least.

“You did something, you changed.” He said.

                “I turned into a fucking mouse.” She said.

                “Were you able to get through those little holes?” He asked.

                Under normal circumstances Natalia would’ve made a dirty joke but instead she went with a more direct response, “Yeah, that’s how I got back here.”

                “That pedestal activated, you might actually be able to kill the demons here.” Niall said.

                “Let’s hope I do.” Natalia said as she headed over to the pedestal. A column of white light once again took her off to another section of the fade.

She was now in a different realm of the fade, it looked similar to the outskirts of Lothering but more, serene. There was a small house in front of her, it smelled like elfroot and various other herbs that Alinn had no doubt told her the name of but she hadn’t paid any attention at the time. She opened the door to find a bustling clinic inside. She heard a familiar voice call out, “Ma halla can you get me another poultice? She’s going to need it.”

                Natalia blinked in surprise, Lyonel had been dead for more than a month now, surely his spirit wouldn’t still be in this shithole fade place?

                “Lyonel?” She asked.

                “I’ll be with you in a minute ma’am, Alinn if you could get her set up?” The voice said, Natalia still couldn’t see where he was thanks to all the average sized humans obstructing her view.

                “Excuse me, sorry. Healer’s assistant coming through.” Alinn said as he skillfully dodged the people between him and Natalia. Natalia couldn’t help but notice a brightness in his eyes she hadn’t seen since Lyonel’s death. His easy smile fell from his lips the second he saw her.

                “Oh, Natalia, please please don’t tell the others we’re here. If they think we died please let them keep thinking that.” He begged her.

                “Why would the others think you’re dead?” she asked.

                “Lyonel and I fled the battle during Ostagar, I know it wasn’t exactly honorable for us to do but… It was our only chance to be free.” He motioned to the people around them, “Look at all the good we’re doing here! We couldn’t heal this many people as wardens and you know it.”

                Natalia felt a knot of guilt in her gut. This was what Alinn wanted more than anything in the world, to be happy with the man he’d lost. She sighed, she wasn’t looking forward to destroying his illusion.

                “Alinn, you weren’t on the battlefield of Ostagar. You were in the tower.” She began, hoping to ease him back into reality.

                “No, I was on the battlefield, just like you were.” He said.

                “I understand it’s been a while so understandably you might’ve forgotten after all this time.” Alinn continued.

                “Alinn, you’re really not making this easy for me.” She began.

                “Making what easy?” Lyonel asked, suddenly at Alinn’s side, it was then that Natalia noticed they were wearing matching rings. She bit her lip.

                “Alinn, you’re a mage you have to know this isn’t real right?” She pleaded.

                Alinn touched Lyonel’s hand not taking his eyes away from Natalia, his face emotionless,

                “I’ll be back in a moment love.” He said before directing Natalia to a more secluded area of the cottage turned clinic. He motioned for Natalia to sit in the chair across from him, she did so, concerned with how much time this dream was taking to break.

                “Natalia,” His voice was deadly serious, “do you honestly think I don’t know this is all a lie? I know the fade and I know that isn’t really Lyonel but _I don’t care._ ” He motioned to Lyonel, who was now tending to a small child, “That’s not even a very good rendition of him, but maybe if I spend enough time here I’ll think it’s real. Natalia please,” he was getting misty eyed, “don’t make me lose him twice.”

                Natalia grabbed Alinn’s face in her hands, practically yelling in his face,

                “Would the _real_ Lyonel want you to _abandon_ us in the middle of a war? This isn’t even really him! You’re abandoning us for a ghost! Without you the mages will die!” Now she was screaming, she didn’t even care she just needed Alinn _out_ of this dream. Tears of frustration fell from her face as tears of grief fell from Alinn’s,

                “You’re right, I need to get out of here. But Natalia, if I’m wounded when we do this, don’t bother trying to save me. I’m not worth it.”

                They turned to face Lyonel, the clinic had melted away to expose the raw fade around them. Lyonel tilted his head,

                “Something the matter emma halla?” He asked with a crooked smile.

                “You’re not even trying anymore.” Alinn said.

                “Oh, that’s true.” The spirit smiled, Lyonel now looked as if his body was made of smoke. A black wisp-like creature came out of nowhere and ran Lyonel through with a longsword. Alinn screamed as blood began running down Lyonel’s chest. Lyonel still had a twisted grin on his face,

                “But she is.” The black wisp looked at Alinn eyes a demonic red. The wisp was Mirah’s silhouette.

                “You’ll never escape us.” The voice was like a distorted impression of Mirah’s rough voice.

                Alinn covered his ears, the fade around them shaking from the booming echo of the wisp’s voice.

                “Alinn we have to fight them!” Natalia yelled as she pulled her daggers out. She tried to stab the black wisp but her daggers went through it as if it was nothing, and perhaps it was nothing.

                “Alinn! Magic!” She shouted.

                Alinn held a hand in front of himself, the dark spirit began encapsulating Alinn’s arm in dark energy. He cast _something_ and the wisp exploded in an enormous burst of light a piercing cry echoed through the fade as the spirit died. Natalia turned her attention to the desire demon that only marginally looked like Lyonel at this point. She stabbed it in the shin. Alinn cast a series of hexes on the demon. While the demon was trying to get a hold over Alinn Natalia was attacking it as viciously as she could.

                “You. Won’t. Have. Him.” She shouted as she buried her sword in the demon’s stomach. The demon turned to ash before her.

                “Thank you Natalia you, remind me that I owe you an ale when we get out of here.” Alinn said.

                “As long as you help me out of this magic-y place I don’t care what you get me.” Natalia said as she elbowed Alinn.

                “Wait, what’s happening Natalia where are you?” Alinn said, suddenly getting more transparent.

                “Oh fuck no Alinn! Don’t leave me here!” Natalia yelled, reaching toward Alinn but her hands went right through him before he vanished altogether. Natalia stood there for a few seconds, eyes locked on where he’d vanished.

                “Are you dead?” She asked the empty space. She knew at this point that things that faded away here didn’t come back.

                “No damnit!” She pounded the floor that Alinn had been standing on moments before. Realizing she’d just watched yet another person she cared about die.

                “Damnit Surana.” She muttered as she pulled herself off the ground, she would mourn her friend if and when she got out of the fade. She ignored the tears on her cheeks as she went over to the fade pedestal again. She felt the pedestal take her to yet another section of the fade.

                She was in Orzammar, this had to be where she’d find Jolene. It was better than the tower of fire she’d just fought her way through. She approached the royal palace, this couldn’t be real because no noblemen had asked if she was a noble hunter or started beating her in the street. She pulled open the doors to the royal palace. She couldn’t have felt more out of place if she tried. Her hand instinctively went to cover the charcoal colored brand that marked her as casteless, even if it did cover the entire left side of her face. She walked past many a noble, none of whom seemed to notice the casteless woman among them.

                She entered the throne room to see Jolene seated on the throne, a dwarven man was at her side and nobles were bowing to her. She approached Jolene,

                “How did this casteless thug get in here?” Jolene asked, sneering in disgust at Natalia.

                Natalia had grown a thick skin to shit like that a long time ago.

                “Jolene, this isn’t real. I’m Natalia. For fucks sake you know me.” She said.

                “How dare you address me so callously? I am Queen and you are nothing.” She said.

                Natalia figured Jolene thought these things about her, but to hear it firsthand was oddly satisfying.

                “You’re no Queen, you’re a kinslayer!” Natalia announced with perhaps more enthusiasm than was strictly necessary.

                “I would never!”

                “You killed Trian! You stabbed him in the deep roads and got your ass exiled! Your little brother betrayed you! You’re a casteless surface dwarf now!” Natalia kept going, reveling in her chance to knock the princess off her pedestal.

                “You lie, I would never.” Jolene began, standing now.

                “Bhelen told you Trian was trying to kill you so you killed him first. You were duped by your own brother can’t you see that?” Natalia interrupted.

                “I, oh by the stone you’re telling the truth.” Jolene realized tears began to fall down her face.

                “We have to get out of here to save the mages, remember princess?” Natalia asked.

                “Don’t call me that!” Jolene yelled.

                “My dear, do you want the casteless removed?” Gorim asked, eyes glowing red.

                “I don’t know what you are but you aren’t Gorim.” Jolene said, jumping back from her king.

                “We have to fight the demon.” Natalia said, drawing her blades. She saw Jolene pull two daggers out from under her dress, she was nothing if not prepared. They fought Gorim and the various guards. Jolene was looking faint by the end of it. Natalia knew exactly how she was feeling.

                “This isn’t real.” Jolene said. “It can’t be real.”

                Natalia did something that surprised herself, she hugged Jolene. It didn’t last long, Jolene had vanished right in her arms. Just as Linara and Alinn had vanished before.

                “Rest easy Aeducan.” Natalia said hoping that wherever Jolene was she was at peace. There was a fade pedestal where the throne had been moments before. Natalia placed her hands on it, glad to be out of Orzammar, regardless of whether it was fake or not.

                The pedestal took her to a heavily forested area after she dealt with the desire demon. She heard amicable chatter and laughter in the distance. She followed the sounds. Ahead of her in a small clearing Linara was surrounded by other Dalish elves, what she didn’t see was their glowing red eyes and the demonic horns marking them as desire demons. Linara was leaning on one, her fingers laced through his.

                “Great, another couple I get to wreck.” Natalia thought to herself.

                “So Merrill, what did happen to that apostate?” Linara asked.

                The female Dalish elf was about to respond when Natalia came closer,

                “There’s an intruder.” The elf said, picking up a staff as she stood.

                “Who goes there?” Asked a dark skinned elf.

                “Let me handle this lin.” Linara said.

                “Show yourself and we might not kill you.” She said.

                “Well with that how can I say no?” Natalia said as she stepped into the clearing.

                “What’s a dwarf doing here, don’t they live underground?” The elf Linara appeared to be involved with asked.

                “Not all of them Tamlen.” Linara said.

                “Hey Linara, not to shit on your happy reunion or anything but we have some wardening to do.” Natalia said.

                “How do you know my name durgen’len?” Linara asked.

                “I have no idea what that word means but you’re a grey warden. One of the last ones in Ferelden. There’s me, Alinn an elf mage, Kallian who seems to be your buddy. Mirah the human, Alistair the other human, and then there’s Jolene and me to represent the dwarves. Any of this ringing a bell?” Natalia asked.

                “Alinn, Kallian… I recognize those names, I can almost see their faces. How could I have forgotten them?” Linara asked in disbelief.

                “This is the fade, and these are demons, toying with you by looking like those you love the most.”

                “Don’t listen to her ma vhenan. She is trying to steal you from us, just as that flat ear and his wench did before.”

                “Tamlen would never call another elf, even a city elf a _wench_ you are not my real clanmates.” Linara said, turning her bow and arrow on them.

                “Sister, I don’t want to hurt you.” The other male elf said.

                “Then don’t, but you are not Movran.”

                Natalia drew her blades, she went for the mage first,

                “Linara help me!” She called.

                “You aren’t Merrill!” Linara sounded desperate to believe it. Movran, the one Linara had referred to as her brother tackled her to the ground,

                “Don’t make me hurt the only family I have left.” He said. She shot an arrow right into his neck,

                “You didn’t.” She said, blood coating her face. Natalia charged at Tamlen who had dropped the façade and showed his true form as a desire demon. Linara shot him as well when Natalia slit his throat.

                “Ma vhenan.” He choked out before dissipating.

                “Ir tel'him.” Linara said. _I am me again_

                “Tell who what?” Natalia asked.

                Linara turned to face her, a sudden wave of fear in her eyes. “Natalia mara ma?” _where are you_

                “Linara I’m right here look at me!” Natalia shouted, not understanding Linara’s elvish. Linara vanished before her, panicking and still speaking elvish.

                “Not you too.” Natalia lamented, at this rate she’d be the only warden left. With a knot in her gut she went to the stone pedestal,

                “Take me to someone I can save.” She asked it, as if the pedestal would respond to her request.

                Natalia didn’t recognize anything in this part of the fade, stone walls typical of human construction. This could literally be any of her remaining allies’ dreams. She took a second look and saw the blood _everywhere._ She didn’t know what happened to someone who died in the fade but she wasn’t looking forward to finding out. She followed the trail of blood and dismembered body parts. She heard laughter, a dark laughter. She soon came upon the heart of the carnage. Mirah was standing over a man around her age with dark hair and a hooked nose.

                “Please, mercy.” He begged blood dripping from his broken nose.

                “Like the mercy your father showed mine?” Mirah mocked. She buried her sword in his neck,

                “Didn’t think so.”

                “Mirah?” Natalia said, more than a little terrified for her life.

                “Who are you and how do you know my name?” Mirah asked, turning to face her.

                Natalia saw Mirah completely now, she was soaked in blood wearing armor with a crest she didn’t recognize on it.

                “It’s me, Natalia. Brosca? The other dwarf warden? Any of this ringing a bell Cousland?” Natalia asked.

                “I have no idea who you are or how you got here dwarf but you’d best get out of my way if you don’t want to end up like the Howes.” She threatened, holding her blood soaked sword mere inches from Natalia’s face.

                “Holy shit Mirah do you really not recognize me at all? I’m one of the other grey wardens, do you even know you’re a warden?” Natalia asked, carefully pushing Mirah’s blade away from her neck.

                “Why would I ever join the wardens?” Mirah asked.

                “So you really don’t remember any of it? Not killing Lyonel on the battlefield? Not getting together with Alinn? Or when we defended that village from the undead? None of this ringing any bells?” Natalia asked.

                “Lyonel, Alinn… I recognize those names but, everything is hazy.” Mirah said as she brought a hand to her forehead, leaving a bloody smear on her face.

                “This is the fade, this is a dream.” Natalia said, the same thing she’d said to each of her fellow wardens before the inevitable fight with a demon and her companion’s death.

                “Then we need to break out so I can make it reality.” Mirah said.

                “Brave words from a little girl.” A voice said. Natalia and Mirah turned to see a human man with glowing red eyes.

                “Howe.” Mirah snarled under her breath,

                “Oh, the little pup thinks she’s a wolf. You’ll die screaming, just like your mother.” Arl Howe mocked.

                “Natalia, help me kill this fucker.” Mirah said, eyes locked on Howe.

                “With pleasure.” The man reminded her too much of Behrat for Natalia to just let him live.

                The two had never fought as a team before, they were both brash and harsh in battle, eviscerating the demon. It kept moving around them,

                “Your father was so disappointed that out of all the Couslands to survive, _it wasn’t even a real one._ ” The demon hissed at Mirah.

                “Shut your filthy mouth demon.” Mirah yelled.

                “You always suspected the rumors had some merit didn’t you? You always knew you weren’t a Cousland. You’re the daughter of a whore and a peasant. And you’ll die helpless and forgotten.”

                Natalia stabbed the demon in the foot, hoping to immobilize it. She saw a pain on Mirah’s face she’d never seen in her fellow warden,

                “Shut up!” She yelled, tears in her eyes as she buried her sword in the demons chest.

                “I am Mirah Cousland, last of my line. Teyrna of Highever and a Grey Warden. No one can take that from me.” She said.

                “Mirah…” Natalia began.

                “When I find the real Rendon Howe I am going to torture him, I’m going to make him watch as I kill all his children, his wife and then” Mirah was still talking as she faded away, seemingly undisturbed as she spoke of her revenge plot.

                “That didn’t seem like someone dying…” Natalia thought aloud. She remembered when the others had faded away, Alinn was panicked as was Linara, Natalia hadn’t seen Jolene’s face but she didn’t _feel_ like she was dying. Natalia was a stranger to hope but she dared, just this once she dared to indulge in it. She went back to the fade pedestal, the now familiar column of white light taking her to another island in the fade.

                Natalia was in a small house standing at the door. She saw Kallian sitting at a table with two elves around her age and on older male elf she was assuming was Kallian’s dad.

                “Excuse me?” Natalia asked.

                Kallian looked at the elves around her,

                “I’ll deal with this.” She said as she got up from the table.

                “You’re carta right?” She asked, she didn’t give Natalia a chance to respond, “Listen I’m second in command of Clan Denerim, you’ll want to talk to my superior Chartan if you want to work something out, he lives in the apartment across from the tree, I don’t blame you for mixing us up though you look a little lost.”

                “Kallian? I, where am I?” Natalia asked, unsure what to do with Kallian.

                “How’d you know my name?” Kallian asked, crouching so she was eye level with Natalia.

                “Kallian, please please tell me you remember me. Natalia? Brosca? Your favorite dwarf? Please some of this has to be getting to you.” Natalia begged.

                “Natalia?” Kallian began recognition gleaming in her eyes.

                “Oh thank the maker!” Natalia threw her arms around Kallian, ever grateful her elf recognized her.

                “Where are we?” Kallian asked.

                “The fade, this isn’t really your family.”

                “Damnit, I guess it was too much to hope for you and my cousins to be here?” Kallian joked standing up straight.

                “They’re demons, you’re going to have to kill them.” Natalia said.

                “As long as you kill the one that looks like my dad I think I can handle it.” Kallian said.

                “Kallian, who is this dwarf?” Soris asked.

                “I know what you really are.” Kallian said.

                “What a pity.” Shianni said, eyes glowing red as she turned into a rage demon.

                Natalia and Kallian drew their blades, three demons against two street fighters was actually a fairly evenly matched fight. Especially when Natalia turned into a Golem and punched one of the demons right out of existence.

                “Holy shit, where did you learn to do that?” Kallian asked.

                “A mage.” Natalia responded as she turned back into her own form.

                “Well let’s hope you can get us out of, Nat?” Kallian suddenly looked panicked.

                “No, not you too no!” Natalia said.

                “Natalia I can’t see you! Oh maker where are you Nat?” Kallian yelled before vanishing completely.

                “I can’t lose you too.” Natalia said staring at where Kallian had just been. Natalia slammed her hands on the pedestal. The white light taking her once more to a new area of the fade.

                Natalia was finally at the sloth’s domain, after having killed all the demons guarding him _and_ severing the demon’s hold on her companions. She approached the great lumbering beast.

                “I see you’ve broken from my dreams.” It said in that lazy voice. Natalia saw sparks coming from the floor and all of her companions were at her side, unharmed. They were alive and that was really all that mattered to Natalia.

                “We don’t need your illusions.” Alinn said, glancing at Natalia, as if apologizing for wanting to stay before.

                “I could make them better, you’d be happier.” The demon offered.

                “We don’t need you to find happiness.” Kallian said, lacing her fingers through Natalia’s.

                “Fools, if you wish to do battle I suppose I’ll indulge you.” The demon said.

                The demon turned into an ogre and charged straight at Natalia and Kallian who each leapt to opposite sides while Jolene and Mirah wailed on the demon. Alinn cast a freezing spell on it. Kallian climbed onto the ogre’s back, digging her daggers into its dark purple hide. Natalia threw an acid flask at the beast. When the smoke cleared it had taken a new form, a rage demon. Alinn cast a freezing spell again while Natalia turned into a spirit and used a crushing spell on the beast. Most of the others were rather shocked at Natalia’s transformation, but not Kallian or Alinn. Kallian once again attacked the demon from behind. Natalia returned to her dwarf form when the sloth demon took on the form of an abomination, it was then that the demon decided to start taunting the wardens,

                “Take a good look mage, I am your future! All mages will give into the temptation eventually, even your precious Lyonel who could do no wrong, oh how he _loved_ it. He got intoxicated off the power, he even used it on _you_ did he ever tell you that?”

                “You’re lying!” Alinn yelled as he cast a fireball at the demon.

                “Why don’t you just ask your favorite noblewoman? She saw firsthand just what your darling was capable of.” The demon was walking toward Alinn now. Mirah stabbed it in the side, it disappeared in a puff of smoke and reformed as a shade.

                Alinn didn’t let it start speaking, but it was no longer after him,

                “You ruined your one shot at happiness, and you didn’t even waste it on someone worth the pain.” The demon taunted Mirah.

                “Shut your mouth demon!” She yelled.

                “You’ll be defenseless one day, completely vulnerable, and then you’ll die… poor little pup all alone in the world.” It continued to mock her. Jolene and the others were attacking it while it was focusing on attacking Mirah verbally and physically. Its claws sliced her stomach badly.

                “Who’s going to heal you?” The voice mocked. Mirah ran her blade through its head,

                “I’ll. Walk. It. Off.” She said as she drew her blade back.

                The demon changed its shape once more, it now was an arcane horror. Natalia coated her blades in poison as she began a full on assault on the monster,

                “You took them from me once you won’t get a second chance!” She yelled. Alinn backed her up by casting a vulnerability hex on the demon. Linara shot arrow after arrow at the thing, it was finally weakening. Kallian sliced its throat and Mirah stabbed it in the stomach. They had killed the demon of sloth.

                They were all teleported back to where Niall was,

                “You did it!” He looked happy for the first time but then looked crestfallen, “When you awake take the litany off my, body.”

                “Niall you’re coming with us.” Alinn said, grabbing Niall’s wrist.

                “I can’t, I’ve been here too long. For you it will have been an afternoon’s nap but I will have wasted away, believe me it's alright.”

                Alinn looked defeated as he slowly let go of Niall.

                “We will save the mages Niall I swear it.” Alinn said.

                “Thank you, my friend.” Niall said.

                After that the wardens woke up on the floor of the circle, Natalia put her hand on her chest, checking that her heart was indeed still beating. She saw Alinn take the Litany off Niall’s body. Natalia got to her feet. She saw Kallian struggling to get up and was at her side immediately,

                “I thought we were dead for sure.” She said.

                “It’ll take more than a demon to take us down.” Kallian said.

                “We need to hurry to the Harrowing chamber, it has to be where Irving is.” Wynne said.

                “Then we’d better get moving.” Linara said.

                Alinn was at the front of the group, Natalia was at the back still in a state of disbelief at what she’d seen. She knew that everything she saw was real, in some way.

                “Are you alright Natalia?” Linara asked.

                “Dwarves don’t dream.” She said.

                “What does that have to do with?” Linara began.

                “Let me explain, dwarves don’t dream, so when we see something we know it's real. Some of that stuff I saw, I don’t want it to be real but I know it is.” Natalia said.

                “We got out Natalia, all we have to do is face Uldred and we’ll be back to fighting darkspawn just as before.” Linara tried to sound encouraging but both of them knew her words were falling flat.

                At the front of the group Alinn was trying not to let the demons taunting affect him, Lyonel would never use blood magic and even if he had he’d never have used it on him _right?_ Soon they came upon the door to the room the stairs to the harrowing chamber were in. Alinn took a deep breath as he pulled open the door. A terrorized yell filled the room, he and the others poured into the room. There was a large energy prison trapping a Templar, Cullen within it.

                “You? Oh maker how far back must they have gone to find _you?_ ” Cullen asked, pointing at Alinn.

                “But, I-Will. Not Break!” Cullen continued.

                “You, think I’m a demon?” Alinn asked.

                “You’re still here? But that’s always worked before.”

                “I’m not a fucking demon that’s why it didn’t work.” Alinn barked.

                “Forgive me for being cautious, it wouldn’t be the first time they used your image against me.” Cullen said, looking like he immediately regretted it.

                “I don’t want to know.” Alinn said quickly. “Is Uldred up in the harrowing chamber?” Alinn asked.

                “Yes, him and his blood mage followers, they, they tortured us, I had to see friends turned into abominations in front of me. You have to kill them all you can’t risk letting a blood mage go!” Cullen demanded.

                “Oh, oh that’s _rich._ ” Alinn began, “You were tortured, abused, you witnessed your friends be turned into something horrible and you were completely helpless to save them?” Alinn’s tone was clearly mocking, “Welcome to the life of a mage Cullen! Do you have any idea the grand irony of this all? You now know what it’s like, just for a moment to be a circle mage. Oh and my image was used against you? The image of a mage who you knew was being abused? The one who you knew for a fact was being abused by your friend and yet you did jack shit? Ha! Oh don’t look so innocent he was your friend and you tried to get all chummy with me, trying to clear your conscience? What was I used to guilt you? To make you somehow feel sympathy for us mages?”

                “Alinn stop! The man has been through enough!” Mirah said.

                “And what about what _we’ve_ been through? When is someone going to step in when _mages_ are the ones being abused? When _we’re_ the ones being turned tranquil against our will! When is someone going to help the mages who are tortured, brutalized, raped, and murdered and no one even bats an eye? Oh but if the oh so precious _Templars_ are hurt well clearly the maker himself has to come back to Thedas and save them. No one ever tried to save _me_ so why the fuck should I save _him_!” Alinn’s words hung heavy in the air, angry tears streamed down his face as he once again turned his attention back to Cullen,

                “I would rather spare a blood mage than kill an innocent. This is _not_ up for debate. If you so much as try to stop me I swear you will know what it truly means to fear mages.”

                “As you can see I am in no position to do anything about your decision, I hope you _compassion”_ he practically spat the word out, “hasn’t doomed us all.”

                “It hasn’t.” Alinn said. He headed up the stairs to the Harrowing chamber, the last time he’d been here he’d been fighting for his life as well _isn’t that just poetic_ Alinn sneered. He pulled open the doors to the Harrowing chamber accepting whatever laid beyond those doors. He walked in with his head held high and the Litany in his grasp.

What he saw made him feel sick, Uldred was turning a mage into an abomination.

                “Oh, it’s you. Irving always bragged about you but I don’t see what’s so special about you.” Uldred said sauntering toward Alinn and the other wardens,

                “Stay back, I know what you are.” Alinn said, holding a hand in the air.

                “Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Such potential, if you just accepted what you could become. We could be very powerful together you and I. We could make the chantry bow before us.”

                Something dark within Alinn told him mage freedom was worth any cost, but he knew Uldred had made a deal with a demon, demons lie, what he offered was becoming an abomination and all that meant was slaughter.

                “I’ll make the chantry bow to me without your help.” He said, lips curled in a defiant sneer.

                “Foolish child!” Uldred said as he turned into a demon of Pride, towering over everything in the room.

                “I fought one of you last time I was here too.” Alinn said. He cast a vulnerability hex on Uldred. He saw Uldred’s followers had become abominations. He knocked one in the head with his staff.

                “Alinn be careful!” Linara yelled out as she shot an arrow at Uldred.

                “I always am.” Alinn said, a dark smirk on his face.

                Uldred raised his arms, he was trying to do something with one of the mages.

                “Use the Litany!” Wynne yelled out.

                “I am!” Alinn called out He cast the spell, cancelling out Uldred’s attempt at blood magic on the enchanters. Alinn cast a chain lightning on Uldred and the abominations. One of the abominations fell instantly. Kallian went after one of the other ones while Mirah finished off the third one. Alinn felt his magic running through him stronger than ever before. He’d always been told to suppress his emotions when he was casting but no more, never again would he suppress his emotions for someone else’s comfort. He would feel everything, his anger and his need for violence translated into powerful bolts of lightning. His body was one with the arcane and never again would he let anyone think any different. He was a _mage_ and the world would know it.

                Kallian tried to sneak up on Uldred but he kicked her with his massive scaly foot. She went back a good ten feet, skidding on the ground,

                “Fuck, demons.” She said as she got up.

                She saw a dark force of energy flow from Alinn’s hand, he wasn’t even using his staff. _Were his eyes glowing?_ It could’ve been a trick of the light but she was almost certain it wasn’t. It was as if he were in his own world, just himself and his magic. He was still using the Litany whenever Uldred tried anything. Kallian reentered the battle. The wardens were wearing the demon down.

                “I’ll make the world bow, starting with you.” Alinn said as spread both his hands apart a cloak of dark magic wrapping itself around Uldred electrocuting the entire demon’s body. The demon fell with a loud and massive thud. Alinn stood above the demon breathing deeply, leaning slightly on his staff.

                “Alinn, the battle is over.” Kallian said.

                Alinn looked over his shoulder, his eyes normally a dark brown glowed purple, “I’ll be right over.” He said.

                Kallian was a bit taken aback by Alinn’s eyes but said nothing, it was probably just magic. Alinn walked over to First Enchanter Irving,              

                “Irving, I’m, I’m so glad you’re alright.” He said, a true softness in his voice.

                “I’m surprised to see you but I’m very glad. I always knew you would accomplish great things.” Irving said as Alinn helped him to his feet.

                “We have to get you downstairs, Greagoir will only cancel the rite if you assure him the tower is safe.

                “You’ll have to help me down the stairs.” Irving said.

                “It’s no trouble sir.” Alinn said.

                “Oh and Surana?”

                “Yes?” Alinn asked.

                “I understand why you didn’t tell me about Jowan, and while I wish you had come to me about it. I am proud of the mage and the _warden_ you have become.” Irving said.

                Alinn had longed to hear those words for who knows how long.

                When the group returned to the lobby of the circle it appeared that Cullen had beaten them there.

                “Irving! Maker is it good to see you.” Greagoir said.

                “Oh give it some time and I’m sure we’ll be at each other’s throats again in no time.” Irving said.”

                “Greagoir we killed Uldred, I believe the tower is secure.” Alinn explained.

                “This is the mage I told you about! The one yelling all sorts of madness, who’s to say he isn’t a blood mage! He certainly seemed to sympathize with them.” Cullen said.

                “Watch who you insult you insolent little-” Kallian cut him off before he could say something he would regret.

                “Sir, I can assure you the tower is secure.”

                “What if they’re under the control of blood mages!” Cullen protested.

                “There are no blood mages left to be under the control of.” Kallian deadpanned.

                “I agree, I believe the tower is secure.” Irving said.

                “Then I will take your word for it.” Greagoir said.

                “You’re just going to believe these _mages?”_ Cullen asked.

                “ _I_ am the Knight Commander and I’ve made my decision.” Greagoir said.

                “Good, now none of this would’ve happened if such rampant abuse hadn’t become commonplace in the Templar order but I digress.” Alinn said, curtsying with as much defiance as his little mage body could possibly put into a curtsy.

                “Alinn you are pushing your luck.” Kallian said.

                “I don’t care anymore.” Alinn said a huge and for once, genuine smile  on his face.

                “We cannot thank you enough for coming when you did Alinn.” Irving said.

                “I’m glad to help my fellow mages, now the reason we came here was because well. There is a situation in Redcliffe and we need mages and lyrium, there is a possessed boy who needs our help immediately.” Alinn explained.

                “We will meet you at Redcliffe, it is the least we could do.”

                “Irving?” Wynne began. “I would like permission to take leave of the circle to travel with the wardens, they are an excellent group of young warriors and I believe I could do much more helping them than remaining here at the tower.”

                “You never were one to stay at the tower while there was adventure to be had elsewhere.” Irving pointed out.

                “We would be honored to have you with us Wynne.” Alinn said.

                “Remember that when I’m lecturing you.” The older woman said in a joking tone.

                “Thank you for everything Irving, and I hate to ask this of you but, would the mages be able to help us against the blight?” Alinn asked, turning his attention back to his former mentor.

                “There aren’t many of us left but we will most certainly help the wardens.”

                Alinn smiled.

                “Thank you Irving, we will see you in Redcliffe.” He said.

                The wardens left the tower knowing their next course of action was saving the boy Connor.

                “Kallian.” Natalia began once they were outside of the tower.

                “Yeah?” Kallian asked.

                “Would you mind uh, sleeping in my tent tonight?” Natalia asked, all her usual bravado gone.

                “Given the look on your face I’m assuming this isn’t for naughty purposes.” Kallian guessed.

                “For once yeah, I just uh, the fade it really uh. Dwarves don’t dream.” Natalia said, not sure how to articulate what she wanted to say.

                “It’s no trouble Natalia.” Kallian said, resting her hand on Natalia’s shoulder.

                The boat ride back to the mainland took two trips with all of the wardens and Wynne. Once they were all back it seemed that Alistair and the others had waited for them inside the nearby inn.

                “There you lot are!” Alistair said, a little buzzed, “We were thinking of sending out a search party, what took you so long?”

                “We’ll explain on the way to Redcliffe.” Mirah said, wanting this part of their journey to simply be over.

                “Sounds good to me, you guys?” Alistair looked at Sten, Leliana and Morrigan.

                “Fine.” Morrigan said, severely unamused.

                “Fantastic.” Leliana said, a rosy tint to her cheeks.

                “Make it so.” Sten said.

                “No time to lose then.” Mirah said.

                The wardens and their allies were on their way to Redcliffe now, that demon would soon realize its days were numbered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fade quest is long and tedious but I didn't want the chapter to be tedious so I just wrote the nightmares and the battle with uldred! Hope you don't mind, updates may take a bit longer since I'm going to college in a few days. As always all feedback is welcome, i can't believe over 300 of you actually care about my small pack of children! my tumblr is alinnsurana


	19. Murderer of Crows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rain and Crows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major tw for eye horror and slit necks, just in general this is a very gory chapter in the second half. as always, feedback is appreciated and you can find me on tumblr @alinnsurana

                Natalia _should’ve_ been having a dreamless sleep, as all dwarves do. However, her sleep was plagued with the images of a horrific lizard-like beast with a deafening roar and huge wings. She sat upright after the dream,

                “Nightmare?” Kallian asked.

                “Dwarves don’t dream. At least we aren’t s _upposed_ to. We don’t have a connection to the fade, that’s why we don’t have mages and that’s why we can’t dream but I’m having dreams _what’s happening to me?”_ Panic was beginning to rise in Natalia’s voice. Kallian held Natalia’s face so she had no choice but to look at her. She saw true fear in Natalia’s dark brown almond shaped eyes for the first time, all these little details were practically screaming at Kallian. The beads of sweat on her forehead, the disheveled hair and the stark contrast between Natalia’s brown skin and the charcoal brand that marked her casteless,

                “Natalia, you’re awake. You’re not in the fade I promise you, what did you see?” she asked.

                “I, I saw this twisted _thing_ it was red and it had wings and was covered in scales, everything around me was green just like the fade _dwarves don’t dream_! Don’t you understand Kallian? We don’t have a connection to the fade that’s why we can’t be mages! Why the hell am I going back there? Why am I dreaming? Am I losing my mind?” She panicked, pushing Kallian away.

                Kallian grabbed Natalia’s hands in her own,

                “That’s a warden dream, it’s not the fade it’s the connection to the darkspawn. We’ve all been having that dream. I can’t imagine what this must be like for you but I promise you’re okay.” She said, looking at Natalia with a softness she hadn’t used on anyone in a long time.

                Natalia knee walked forward until she was on Kallian’s lap,

                “You promise?” She asked a soft fear Kallian had never heard in Natalia before.

                Kallian ran a hand through Natalia’s hair her fingers barely touching Natalia’s ear, “I promise.”

                Natalia pulled Kallian’s face into hers, it was a brief but passionate kiss. When they parted Natalia looked horrified, that is until Kallian pulled her back into the kiss. Kallian’s hands tangled in Natalia’s short hair while Natalia made a proper mess of Kallian’s normally orderly ponytail. Kallian fell backwards as Natalia laid on top of her. Kallian wasn’t sure whether she should be thanking the stone, the maker or an elven god but andraste’s ass was she glad this had happened. They parted eventually, Kallian’s shirt only half on and her hair a true mess.

                “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” Natalia admitted breathlessly.

                “Maker so have I.” Kallian said pulling Natalia into another kiss.

                Alinn meanwhile was having a significantly less enjoyable night. He was dreaming, he was with Mirah, she was on top of him. They were kissing, Alinn was aware this was, off. She looked at him with a salacious smirk. She pulled a dagger seemingly out of nowhere and slit his throat. He couldn’t move or even breathe. Mirah kissed his neck when Alinn saw her face her lips were covered in his blood.

                “My elf.” She said, blood dribbling down her chin.

                Alinn woke up with a jolt, in the physical and magical sense. A wave of static waved through him when he awoke, he brought his hand to his throat immediately, it was unmarred.

                “That was, unsettling.” Alinn muttered, trying to calm his nerves by making tiny lightning bolts between his fingers. He heard a pattering outside his tent, he looked up and saw the shadows of water droplets sliding down the canvas in rivulets.

                “Rain?” He asked aloud in near reverence. He opened the flap of his tent and saw that it was indeed raining outside. He dashed out of his tent, feeling the water land on his skin. He had forgotten the feeling of rain. He felt the droplets hit his hair and his arms, he ran his watery hands through his hair, laughing all the while. He had done water magic in the past but now he felt a need to do it with this water, with this storm water. He was spinning, arms above his head twisting in the air, water bending itself to his will. He felt an unfiltered joy. The water dripping down his body, the tears of freedom dripping down his face, the water he manipulated with the flick of a wrist was so much more than what it seemed.

                The entire camp seemed to be awoken by Alinn’s merriment. Jolene came out of her tent and immediately started screaming,

                “By the stone what’s happening?”

                “It’s rain!” Kallian gleefully called out, not seeming to care that her hair was nearly completely out of its ponytail or that her shirt was almost scandalously drooping off of her. She ran over to Alinn, who flicked a small orb of water at the center of her chest,

                “Hey! That’s cheating!” She said.

                Alinn stuck his tongue out at Kallian.

                “Is this the sky piss you warned me about?” Natalia asked making a cup with her hands as she watched the rain fall from the clouds.

                “I expected a bit more of a reaction from you Nat.” Kallian said, crossing her arms as she looked at Natalia fondly.

                 “I knew it was only a matter of time.” Linara said nodding toward Natalia and Kallian’s varying stages of undress.

                “You been taking bets on us Dalish?” Natalia asked, letting the rain pass through her fingers like a sieve.

                “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?” Linara asked, yellow eyes shining in the dark night air.

                “You’re never going to stop talking about it are you?” Kallian asked.

                “I sure hope she won’t.” Alinn said, smirking at Kallian.

                “Oh Mythal not you too.” Kallian said.

                “Mythal, glad to hear you de-sheming.” Linara said.

                “My neighbors were Dalish too you know.” Kallian pointed out.

                “My family.” Alinn clarified.

                “What clan?” Linara asked, daring to hope that he was from clan Sabrae may have been too much to hope for.

                “I uh, don’t know. My last name is Surana if that helps.” Alinn said, making a small ball of water between his hands.

                “Surana… I know that name, we would not have been of the same clan but, my father knew yours.” She remembered hearing one of her father’s oldest friends had left for a city at the last hahren’al she went to.

                “We would’ve known each other…” Alinn found it hard to think of himself actually living in a Dalish clan, after all if his father hadn’t left the Dalish he never would’ve been born.

                “Small world.” Linara said, trying to picture Alinn in keeper’s robes, with the vallaslin of Mythal or perhaps Elgar’nan. He would’ve been one of the fiercest protectors of elven culture the Dalish had ever seen. Linara wished she could somehow give Alinn this life he could’ve lead, but she knew it was impossible.

                “Linara,” Alinn smiled at her, his pupils were excited little slits, “Do you believe in destiny?” He asked.

                “Yes, I believe there are certain things that are meant to happen, and all of us becoming wardens and surviving is definitely one of those things.” Linara said.

                Alinn dropped the ball of water he’d formed and laced his fingers through Linara’s,

                “Care to dance with me?” He asked smiling at the archer.

                “Lead the way Lethallin.” She smiled.

                He pulled her towards him, she stood a good half a head taller than him yet he still led, spinning her as they danced in the rain. Soon Kallian and Natalia were dancing as well. Alinn dipped Linara, she wrapped an arm around his neck to make sure he didn’t drop her. He saw the momentary fear in her eyes when she thought she was about to fall. They both chuckled, foreheads resting on one another.

                Nothing was particularly eventful that morning, the group and the forest were grateful for the previous night’s rainstorm. The wardens knew however they needed to hurry back to Redcliffe before the Connor situation got out of control. The band had been walking for several hours. Jolene walked with Mirah toward the rear of the group, she saw how Mirah’s eyes remained locked on Alinn,

                “You loved him didn’t you?” Jolene asked sympathetically.

                “You going to vilify me as well?” Mirah asked, pointedly ignoring Jolene’s question.

                “I wasn’t on the battlefield, I didn’t see what you saw. Also if I were to judge you for killing Lyonel you would no doubt judge me for killing Trian.” She paused, “What’s done is done, but you are ignoring my question.”

                “You cannot love a mage, mages lie, they twist your words.” Mirah began.

                “Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh?” Jolene asked.

                “Mages cannot be trusted!” Mirah hissed, “I wouldn’t expect someone who’s species is lucky enough to not have mages to understand their trickery, they manipulate you, tell you of their frightful _plight_ but the second they have access to power? They seize and don’t care who they step on, hurt, or even _kill_ in the meantime.”

                “We’re not talking about all mages anymore are we?” Jolene asked, knowing the answer fully well.

                “He cannot be trusted.” Mirah said harshly, more to herself than anything else. How could she have let that mage worm his way into her heart? Was it blood magic? She wouldn’t be surprised if it was blood magic. That blanket of electricity he made in the tower, she’d never seen anything like that before.

                However, as she looked back on it she hoped it hadn’t been blood magic, his soft voice and even softer body, the way his innocent eyes had looked at her after his breakdown, he hadn’t seemed like a manic maleficar then, but he certainly was different after the fade.

                “I feel that I must ask, do you regret killing Lyonel?” Jolene asked knowing how much her own sin weighed on her.

                “Not anymore, I did when I thought I may have been wrong about mages…But it turns out I was right all along.” Mirah said, any residual remorse she may have once felt she would now swallow as she thought of the out of control mages in the tower. This proved to her that the circle was the only way a mage could ever be safe enough to be allowed to live. She remembered Alistair mentioning he used to be a Templar, perhaps he’d be willing to teach her. As Mirah pondered this a rather beat up looking woman came running at the wardens panic clear in her voice,

                “Help! Bandits have attacked our wagon!” A woman yelled as she ran toward the wardens.

                The wardens said nothing as they followed the woman back to the ambush. As they entered the clearing a tree fell behind them, just then a dark skinned elf with blonde hair pulled out two daggers,

                “The Grey Wardens die here!” He shouted.

As the wardens assessed the situation they realized they were surrounded by archers and rogues of nearly every type. They even had a mage among them.  Mirah went toward the mage immediately, channeling all her hatred for the monsters she had learned, unlearned and then relearned them to be.

“I’d like to see you try!” Alinn said as he pulled his staff out, feeling electricity course through him as he shot a bolt of lightning at the rogue. The rogue managed to avoid the worst of the blast as he rolled to the side. Alinn felt a piercing pain in his forearm when he saw an arrow was now firmly lodged in his arm. He grimaced as he generated a fireball between his hands, larger than one he’d ever dared to make before. With eyes a ferocious orange he threw the colossal firebomb at the cliff where the archers were standing. The sound of their screams paired with the furious burning of flesh and Cliffside was a rather apt soundtrack to the fight for their lives the wardens found themselves in. Alinn was drained of mana, not that anyone else needed to know that, intimidation worked just as well for him as the actual spells.

                Kallian threw a dagger at the woman who’d been the bait. Natalia had her back to Kallian, making sure no one tried to hurt her Kallian. She saw the archers on the cliff that wasn’t ablaze, they looked all too similar to the elves in Linara’s dream. Natalia’s grip on her blades tightened. Natalia felt herself get shoved to the ground as an arrow ripped past her, narrowly avoiding her temple. She looked up and saw Kallian had taken an arrow to the knee. Natalia threw a small dagger at the archer who had shot Kallian.

                Linara ran up the hillside to get a better shot at the archers, she got one right in the eye. One of the others ran at her with a knife in her hand. Linara tried to slide out of the way only for another assassin to grab her, Linara knocked her head back feeling the other assassin’s blood drip down her hair.

                “Kill the archer already!” The assassin holding her captive yelled.

                The assassin went for Linara’s throat, she cut her throat, but before she got too far she found that she had an arrow lodged right in her throat. Linara fought her way out of the other assassin’s grasp in time for Leliana to pin the would be killer in place so Linara could escape. Linara grabbed her bow and ran, blood flowing down her neck faster than a reasonable elf would deem acceptable.

                Jolene stuck near Mirah, they fought in a similar way and had the heavier armors. Morrigan was hexing the archers who’d escaped Alinn’s firebomb making Mirah and Jolene’s job that much easier. Jolene went to stab an archer when he kicked her right in the face. She staggered back, nose bloody and broken. Oh how that brought her back to sparring with Gorim or when Trian decided to show his “little brother” what happens to boys who want to be girls. The broken nose awoke a long dead fire in Jolene she had never fought with more fire in her heart than she fought this archer, suddenly she wasn’t fighting an assassin, she was once again versing Trian. Only this time there was no false pretense, no manipulation,

                “I am Jolene and I am stronger than you!” She yelled as she buried her sword in the archer’s gut.

                “Hell yeah you are, Jolene!” Mirah exclaimed, that split second of distraction was all it took for the remaining assassin to bury his dagger in Mirah’s eye. Mirah threw the assassin to the ground and stomped his face into oblivion before yanking the dagger out of her eye with a squelching sound, reminiscent of the sound of walking through fresh mud in heavy boots. Blood and broken bits of eye jelly drooled down her face and trickled onto the corpse at her feet.  She grimaced in discomfort, furthering the irritation felt from her open wound.

                Alinn meanwhile had decided to go right for the most formidable assassin of the bunch, the tattooed elf. Alinn smacked the rogue on the side of the head. The elf smirked, blood dripping down the side of his face. He pulled Alinn right into his space by his belt. Alinn felt a sharp pain in his stomach.

                “Good try griffin.” The assassin said, accent flowing over his words like a river over stones.

                “You think you’re the first one to stab me?” Alinn grinned before he banged his head right into the assassin’s, no doubt he would regret that later. Alinn yanked the dagger out of his stomach, the stinging he realized was from a poison coated blade. The blood was gushing down his robes. He was nearly doubled over in pain. He cast a freezing spell on the assassin he’d knocked to the ground. Alinn was leaning heavily on his staff, chuckling as he felt his mana returning, pulsing through his veins once more. All the other assassins were dead, the blonde elf however was still alive,

                “Should I finish him off?” Natalia asked, knuckles white as she held her bloodied blades.

                “I think we should interrogate him, find out if he knows anything useful.” Alinn said.

                “You need healing lethallan.” Linara said as she made her way over to Alinn.

                “He had a poison blade.” Alinn said.

                Wynne made her way over to Alinn, holding her hands just above his wound,

                “I won’t be able to fully heal him with magic, but I can make this survivable.” She explained.

                “I have poultices in my pack.” Alinn said.

                “Now can I slit his throat?” Mirah asked, motioning to the unconscious elf.

                “I know homicide is a hobby of yours but no, I’m interrogating him first, we can find out more about our enemies from him. And if he has nothing of value to tell us then I’ll kill him.” Alinn squinted at Mirah.

                Alinn stood above the assassin,

                “Someone tie him up so he doesn’t try anything.” He said.

                Jolene bound the assassin’s wrists and ankles, if he tried to run he certainly wouldn’t get very far.  Jolene stepped away from the elf when she was done, she didn’t want to look at the elf who had just tried to kill everyone she had left, and if Alinn’s complexion was anything to go by, had nearly succeeded. This battle had been one of the worse ones they’d been in, Kallian had to rip an arrow out of her knee and didn’t seem as stable on her feet as she had been. Natalia was pale as a sheet, Mirah had lost an eye and Linara was rushing to bandage her throat. This battle would not be one they quickly forgot.

                Alinn knelt in front of the assassin, holding his staff like a walking stick.

                “Let’s see what our friend has to say.” He said to himself.

                After a few minutes the assassin began to stir,

                “I, what I oh. I was expecting to wake up dead, or not wake up at all as the case may be.” He said.

                “We’ve decided to torture you first.” Mirah said, grimacing at the elf with her bloodied empty eye socket.

                “No we haven’t.” Alinn shot Mirah an icy glare. “We decided to find out what you know.” Alinn said as he looked at the captive elf once again.

                “I shall save you some trouble then, I am Zevran Aranai of the Antivan crows.” Zevran said, attempting to sit up wincing as he managed to get himself into a sitting position.

                “Who hired you?” Alinn asked, legs shaking from the amount of time they’d been in that position.

                “Some grim looking man, Loghain his name was. He paid quite a bit of coin, he must really want you dead.” Zevran said matter-of-factly.

                “What a surprise.” Linara said, “A shem noble wants us dead.”

                “When were you supposed to meet him again?” Alinn asked, wondering if he’d be able to get the assassin to kill Loghain in exchange for his own life.

                “I wasn’t, if I had succeeded I would’ve returned to Antiva and Loghain would’ve been informed by the crows or news. And if I had failed I would be dead, or I should be.” He continued.

                Alinn looked over his shoulder, “The rest of you have any questions for him?”

                None of the other wardens spoke up. Except Mirah,

                “I want to slit his worthless throat.” She deadpanned.

                Alinn ignored that and turned his attention back to Zevran,

                “We have no more questions for you, my apologies.” Alinn said resting his chin on the back of his hand.

                “Wait, since you beat me my life is forfeit that’s how this works. The thing is, I like living so what do you say we join forces? You need help to end the blight no? I am skilled at poison making and picking locks and a skilled rogue.”

                “You must think I’m a blithering idiot.” Alinn said, relaxed in his position over Zevran.

                “You’re too powerful to be _completely_ empty headed.” Zevran said, winking as a small stream of blood dripped from his temple.

                “Sitting in a puddle of your own blood and still flirting? Now that is dedication.” Alinn began.

                “I would swear an oath of loyalty to you, I would be at your disposal until you felt you no longer had need of me.” Zevran said hurriedly.

                “How do I know you won’t just try and finish what you started?” Alinn asked.

                “Even if I managed to kill one of you I would still have to deal with the rest of you, plus even if by some miracle I did kill you all the crows would probably still kill me anyway on principle for failing the first time.”

                “Could we expect as much loyalty as you gave your previous employers?” Alinn asked, considering the offer.

                “Just you, my oath is only for you, but yes. I would kill and die as you saw fit.” Zevran said, his nearly golden eyes locked with Alinn’s. Alinn knew what a liar looked like and it wasn’t at all like the elf sitting before him.

                “Very well.” Alinn said as he began to stand up.

                “Are you out of your Maker forsaken mind?” Mirah yelled, storming up to Alinn, “He just tried to kill us and now you’re going to welcome him with open arms? I don’t remember you becoming king of the wardens.” She was furious, aggressively wiping blood off of her face.

                “He swore an oath to me, I take responsibility for anything he does while he travels with us.” Alinn said, pupils cat like slits reminding Mirah once more how different they were.

                “You’ve been very different since the circle. A little _too_ different if you ask me.” Mirah said, narrowing her eyes at the mage.

                “And what do you mean by that, murderess?” Alinn asked with an empty chuckle.

                “ _I’ll make the whole world bow, starting with you_. The eyes changing color, more powerful magic than ever before? You must think we’re all fools if you think we wouldn’t notice.” Mirah began to address the other wardens now,

 “How do we know the mage didn’t bring a little souvenir from the fade?” Mirah demanded, sword at Alinn’s neck.

                Alinn chuckled, breathing frosty air onto Mirah’s blade, his eyes a ghostly blue,

                “You told me not to bottle things up, well _my lady_ my mind has been cracking for years but now that it has finally shattered everyone finally notices. This is no demon this is _all_ me.” He sneered at her, “But you knew that when this started.” All humor left his face, with a flick of his wrist he froze her blade.

                “I trust the assassin and therefore he’s joining us.” His voice nearly as cold as the ice crystals forming on his various extremities.

                He turned to face the assassin and cut his bindings. Alinn held out his hand, Zevran laced his fingers through Alinn’s as Alinn helped him into a standing position,

                “Hope you’re okay with fighting demons.” Alinn smirked.

                “So long as I don’t have to battle _you_ I will be fine.” Zevran said.


	20. Dealing With Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demons, innuendos and awkward conversations oh my!

                Zevran stuck close to Alinn for the rest of the trip to Redcliffe,

                “Soo, you and the angry one eyed woman? Dare I ask what history you two have?”

                Alinn sighed, “She killed my lover and lied about it, then she manipulated me into sleeping with her by acting like she actually cared about my people. Now that I’m not bedding her she thinks I’m possessed by a demon, I’m not a fan of her she’s not a fan of me that’s all there is too it.”

                Zevran raised his eyebrows in surprise at that, “Oh my.”

                “Oh my indeed, any other prodding you want to do let’s just get it all over with in one go.”

                “My dear warden, any prodding I wish to do would be best done in _private_ unless you are a fan of an audience.” Zevran said with a wink.

                Alinn let out an exasperated sigh, this was going to be a long apocalypse.

                Further back Leliana and Linara were talking,

                “You saved my life, I really owe you.” Linara said still rubbing the bandage on her neck,

                “You would’ve done the same for me.” Leliana pointed out.

                Linara didn’t say it out loud but she isn’t sure that was actually true, for Kallian or Alinn? Yes, for any of the non-elves they traveled with? Far less sure.

                “I don’t know many chantry sisters, but I do know they don’t teach archery in cloisters.” Linara said.

                “I went to the chantry seeking succor, I did live a life before I was a sister however.” Leliana said.

                “Of course you did, you’re far too smart to have been raised in a chantry.” Linara said.

                “Oh? What makes you say that?” Leliana asked.

                “Well for one Alinn was just accused of being an abomination and you didn’t immediately tell Mirah to run him through, you also haven’t called me a savage, heathen or knife ear! All of which leads me to believe you didn’t spend _all_ your time being brainwashed by the chantry.” Linara said.

                “You don’t talk to many humans do you?” Leliana asked.

                “I don’t have the best track record with them, or rather they don’t have the best track record with _me.”_ Linara thought back to that one shem she and Tamlen killed, how much simpler her life had been back then.

                “Maybe you haven’t been talking to the right ones.”

                “Oh yeah they were too busy killing my father for me to get to know them.” Linara deadpanned.

                “I, I’m sorry. I had no idea.” Leliana scrambled to revive the quickly decaying conversation.

                “You meant no harm, but not everyone has been as fortunate as you with your kind.” Linara said.

                Kallian was leaning on Alistair as they went to Redcliffe,

                “Kallian, do you have a moment?” Alistair asked.

                “As long as you don’t bust my other knee yeah I do.” She replied.

                “We’re probably going to Denerim soon, do you think we could visit a friend of mine?” Alistair asked.

                “You have friends outside the wardens?” Kallian asked.

                “Well she’s not a friend exactly, and no it’s not what you’re thinking. I have a half-sister, I don’t think she ever knew about me. I know things are crazy with the blight and everything but.”

                “If you get to visit your sister then I get to visit my family and Alinn gets to visit his.” Kallian said.

                “I heard my name?” Alinn turned around.

                “When we go to Denerim, there’s going to be a slight detour for us to visit our families. Alinn they, they’re going to be so happy to see you.” Kallian beamed.

                “That, that would be really nice.” Alinn said scarcely able to believe that after ten long years he could finally see his family again.

                “So it’s definitely happening then? Fantastic.” Alistair said.

                The slightly larger group of wardens and others made it to Redcliffe while the sun still hung heavy in the air. They crossed the drawbridge to Redcliffe castle and entered the main hall where First Enchanter Irving and several other enchanters were waiting with him.

                “Are you ready to face the demon?” Irving asked, looking at Alinn, “You or another mage among you will have to face it in the fade.”

                Mirah grimaced, “I don’t think he should be anywhere near demons, too tempting.”

                “I’m going into the fade not _you_.” Alinn remarked.

                Natalia said nothing but worried as well, not that Alinn would fall into temptation per se, but she had seen how happy he was in the sloth’s nightmare and that was enough to put her on edge.

                “How do we know this isn’t a demon talking?” Mirah goaded.

                Irving shot a bolt of energy at Alinn, “Ow, Irving what the hell?” Alinn asked.

                “A demon would’ve fought back.” Irving commented.

                “I could’ve told you I wasn’t possessed but sure just shoot me instead.” Alinn said dryly.

                “Are you going into the fade or not?” Morrigan asked.

                “Yes, I’m going into the fade.”

                “If you fall into temptation, I promise I will kill you.” Mirah hissed.

                “I’d like to see you try.” Alinn hissed back.

                This trip to the fade was less, well _Harrowing_ than his harrowing but with more anxiety than the sloth dragging them into the fade. It was a twisted place full of demons who had taken Connor’s form in an attempt at tricking Alinn, of course it didn’t work. He left a path of demon corpses in his wake as he made his way to the demon’s sanctum. A desire demon floated in front of him,

                “Oh, such a powerful mage! Much more experienced than this boy, tell me what you want. I can give you _anything_.” She said with a sultry smile as she traced a finger along Alinn’s lower lip.

                “Don’t touch me!” He backed away.

                “A fighter, surprising given the company you kept.” The demon winked, suddenly there were dozens of her.

                “Jowan gave into a demon of pride, he could never live up to your skill. Lyonel gave into a demon like me, she promised to keep him safe, why not join them in the revelry? You want to make the whole world bow? I can make it happen.” The Demon’s voice echoed all around him, filling his entire being with her words. He cast out a wave of fire around him,

                “Never!” He cried. There was only the one demon now, and she was pissed.

                “Fine! Throw everything we could be back in my face! No one is immune to our influence.”

                Alinn cast a freezing spell on her just to shut her mouth.

                “Stop talking!”

                She reached out to touch him. Alinn sent a wave of electricity through her. She countered by casting a horror hex on him. He was momentarily paralyzed by images of Templars with forceful hands and the ability to destroy him on a whim, of darkspawn and their song, of a bloody warrior who broke his walls down only to show him why he’d put them up in the first place. His entire body shook, he dropped his staff. The demon cast a confusion hex on him while he was immobilized. Now in addition to these images he couldn’t remember where he was or why he was here, only that he needed to save a child.

                “Get out of my head!” Alinn’s fear channeled into an explosion of ice. Hundreds of ice shards impaled the desire demon. She died with a horrific cry and a puff of dark purple smoke. Alinn felt like he was going to collapse. He felt himself falling, in the blink of an eye he was out of the fade and being held up by, Linara.

                “Are you okay?” She asked, fear evident in her voice.

                “I, I’m fine.” He stood up, still slightly wobbly, “The demon is dead. Connor is going to be okay.” Alinn assured the others.

                “Oh thank the maker.” Lady Isolde said.

                “Or thank Alinn, he did just risk his life for your son.” Linara said, crossing her arms.

                “I’m used to it.” Alinn said.

                “Now there’s the matter of Arl Eamon.” Bann Teagan said. “He’s still ill.”

                “What are we supposed to do about that? Surely you have access to healers?” Jolene asked.

                “Nothing we’ve tried has worked, our only hope is the Urn of Andraste.” Teagan explained.

                “You think it still exists?” Mirah asked.

                “Right now it’s our only hope.” Teagan said.

                “Okay where do we find this urn?” Natalia asked.

                “No one knows where it is.” Mirah said as if that was something everyone would know.

                “Forgive me for not knowing everything about the culture of a place I’ve lived in for barely a month now, I’m sure when we get to Orzammar you’ll know everything about our world too.” Natalia said back.

                “Brother Genitivi lives in Denerim, and he was the one who told the last group of knights we sent where to go.”

                Alinn looked at Kallian,

                “Looks like we’re heading to Denerim.” He said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, college is very writing intensive so I don't have as much time as I'd like. feedback always welcome! my tumblr is alinnsurana!!


	21. Denerim and The Search for the Chantry Scholar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> City reunions closure and fistfights oh my!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are mentions of abuse and alcoholism when Natalia runs into Ellis so you might want to skip that if those things distress you

When the group made camp for the night Kallian pulled Mirah to the side,

                “Hey, listen I know you and Alinn had that whole falling out and you hate each other and all that crap but you have to stop with this possession obsession of yours. You say that shit around the wrong person and it could get him killed. I know you hate mages and elves but until this damn blight is over we need to work together.” Kallian said.

                Mirah looked at Kallian as if the elf was a bug that landed on her plate,

                “You’re only alive because you killed a noble, why should I listen to you?” Mirah asked.

                Kallian punched Mirah in the face, right below where her eye used to be, “Because I’ll do it again.” She said.

                Mirah was blindsided by the blow but countered with an armored fist to Kallian’s unprotected gut. Kallian doubled over before leaping at Mirah, street fighting just as she used to back in the day. She pulled Mirah’s hair and hooked her legs around the warrior’s. They ended up on the ground, a flurry of punches and blood. Someone eventually pulled them apart,

                “By the creators stop it!” Linara yelled as she pulled Kallian off Mirah while Sten held Mirah back from reaching for her discarded blade.

                “She’s trying to get Alinn killed for fucks sake!” Kallian protested as her tall friend held her off the ground,

                “Let me at that street rat, I’ll show her how a real warrior fights!”

                “In fighting will not help us end the blight.” Sten said.

                “Sten put me down.” Mirah said.

                “Not until you agree to stop fighting amongt your own ranks, it will weaken our effort against the blight.” Sten insisted.

                Mirah glared at Kallian, a blueish purple bruise forming on top of the still healing wound that had cost her her eye. “Fine.”

                Sten let her go. Kallian snorted when Linara let her go.

                “Drop the possession shit.” Kallian said.

                Mirah rolled her eye, “If it’s that important to you I won’t bring it up.”

                “Good.”

Kallian and Alinn were on watch that night, the party was about halfway between Redcliffe and Denerim by now,

                “So Alinn, what do you think it’ll be like to be back in the Alienage?” Kallian asked.

                “I have no idea, I haven’t been there in so long, would anyone even recognize me?”

                “Your family would! I recognized you, I just I just hope it goes well for you.” Kallian beamed at him. “It’s about time some good came our way.” She added.

                “I’d consider Natalia some good that came your way.” Alinn pointed out.

                “Yeah, but I haven’t seen my family since, since my wedding.” Kallian looked away.

                “You were married?” Alinn never expected Kallian free-as-a-bird Tabris to ever be married off.

                “I never told you how I got recruited did I?”

                “You were conscripted after you killed a shit ton of nobles.” Alinn remembered.  
                “Yeah, they kidnapped me, Shianni and all of the other women at my wedding. I killed my way out of there, they killed my fiancé, I knew him for a day and the poor bastard said he would spend the rest of his life trying to make me happy” She fiddled with a ring around her neck, “he died trying to free me from Vaughan and his men.”

                “I’m sorry Kallian.” Alinn didn’t know what else to say.

                “Then that fucker tried to bribe me, as if forty sovreigns would bring Nelaros or Dianna back. As if he could give me some money to forget what he, what his men did to me, to _her_. I beheaded that bastard.”

                Alinn understood completely, he scooted closer to her holding her close with one arm.

                “Did I ever tell you that the first shem I ever killed was the Templar that took you away?” Kallian asked.

                “What?” Alinn wasn’t quite sure he believed her.

                “I couldn’t let him just get away with mutilating Danya and stealing you, he had to _pay._ They all did, so I made them pay.” Kallian said.

                “You, you killed all those Templars?” Alinn could scarcely believe it, Kallian had only been a child when Alinn was taken.

                “And the brats who reported you in the first place, sure made me popular with Clan Denerim.” Kallian continued. She remembered it as if it had happened that morning, she found out the Templars were stationed at the Denerim chantry. She remembered she was still grieving her mother when it happened. She waited until nightfall, she posed as a poor street urchin turning to Andraste for guidance the bruised knees and dirty face helped. But all she needed Andraste to do was distract the Templars long enough for her to kill them. Their blood splattered on their prophetess. One of them tried to fight back but Kallian was too small and wriggly for him to land a good blow on her. Kallian committed her first homicide at the feet of the bride of the maker. She spat a mouthful of blood at Andraste,

                _“If Andraste wanted to end slavery why the fuck did she make the circle?”_ She glared at the blood soaked bride of the maker as if she would answer. She slipped out of the chantry before her crime would be discovered. Next was the teenage shems who cornered them in the first place, they were harder to track down but easier to kill. Shems took from the elves whenever they wanted Adaia, Alinn, Victorhea, Nelaros all killed or taken by shemlen. When the shems took from Kallian Tabris they paid in blood.

                “You joined Clan Denerim when you were _twelve?”_ Alinn wasn’t entirely surprised, Kallian was a skilled fighter and thief even when they were small but still, Clan Denerim was no place for a child.

                “Yeah, small body made it easier to sneak into noble’s houses without them noticing. Plus one more filthy elven servant didn’t gain any attention from the guards.” Kallian said.

                “I guess that makes sense.” Alinn said.

                “Uh, did you know your assassin is watching us?” Kallian pointed to where the Antivan was sharpening his blades,

                “I did not know that, also he’s not _my_ assassin.” Alinn said.

                “He swore an oath of loyalty to you sport, he’s yours.” Kallian pointed out.

                “Alright fine he’s my assassin.” Alinn conceded.

                “You called?” Zevran asked as he sauntered over to the other elves.

                “No actually, I was just wondering why you were watching us over there.” Alinn said.

                “In case anything needed killing of course!” Zevran said.

                Alinn sighed, “You’re something you know that?”

                “Why don’t you sit with us Zevran?” Kallian offered.

                Zevran sat next to Alinn thigh almost touching Alinn’s,

                “So, what were you two gossiping about before I came along?” Zevran asked.

                “We were talking about what brought us here.” Alinn said.

                “My homicidal streak and penchant for killing shems landed me here.” Kallian said.

                “We all know why I am here, our merciful and handsome mage friend.” Zevran motioned to Alinn.

                “And I’m here because my friend was a walking disaster.” Alinn said not wishing to let his mind linger on Jowan for too long for it would inevitably wander to another blood mage he had come to love.

                “Sounds like quite a tale.” Zevran said.

                “And maybe one day you’ll hear it but this is not that day.” Alinn said, crossing his arms.

                The next day was rather uneventful, Linara was walking with Alinn,

                “You hail from Denerim do you not?” Linara asked.

                “I do, that’s how Kallian and I knew each other.” Alinn said.

                “Do you think, provided we all survive, that you would return to Denerim when all is said and done?” Linara asked.

                “I can’t, I’m a mage, if I survive all this if I want to stay free I’m going to have to run.” Alinn said.

                “The Dalish would take you.” Linara blurted out.

                “They’d take a half Dalish mage warden?” Alinn sounded skeptical.

                “I assure you our people would welcome you with open arms, especially if a Dalish elf were there to vouch for you.” Linara said interlocking her arm with his.

                “If we survive, I just might take you up on that offer Linara.” Alinn said looking up at his Dalish companion.

                Linara smiled at that, Alinn was a powerful mage and would be a strong addition to any clan. Their lengthy discussions of elven history and her re-teaching him elvish just strengthened Linara’s resolve to see Alinn reunited with his people. The fact that she had come to care a great deal for her fellow elf was unrelated _certainly_.

                Soon enough the group was at the city gates of Denerim, the barking of dogs and the smell of horses marked it as the capital city.

                “Home sweet home.” Kallian smirked at the metropolis like a war lord who’d come to conquer. With the help of her improvised cane she led the band into the city and straight to the market district. She took Alinn’s hand,

                “Let’s go home.” She said vibrant jade eyes glistening. Alinn walked with her to the other side of the market place, the wardens slightly scattered. Linara, Zevran and Alistair stuck close to Kallian and Alinn however. Kallian lead her group to the gate separating the Alienage from the rest of the city. She spotted a city guard standing in front of the gate,

                “The alienage is closed.” He said, not bothering to make eye contact with any of them.

                “I _live_ there you have to let us in!” Kallian protested.

                “I wouldn’t say that too loudly, the rest of the city isn’t too happy with your brothers after they killed the Arl’s son. Alienage had to be purged after that, and now its sealed until the plague has passed.

                “ _Purged_?” Kallian’s legs began to shake, which was awful for her busted knee. She looked up at the guard and recognized him,

                “You, you _knew_ I paid for my crime! You saw me get conscripted and you let your fellow guardsman kill my kind anyway! You bastard let me in!” Kallian shouted, Alinn physically restrained her from attacking the guard.

                “Move along and I will forget you were ever here.” The guard said.

                “You can’t kill them for my crime! I’m going to die for what I did don’t make them pay!” Kallian was desperate, she collapsed in Alinn’s grip bending forward in defeat.

                “We’ll find a way in.” Alinn assured her.

                “Elves died for my crime.” Kallian said under her breath, “Elves paid for something I was willing to _die_ for. I confessed, I confessed I was _ready to die_ ” She shouted, grabbing her cane to stand on her own again, “I was ready to die I didn’t fucking _ask_ to be conscripted! Just hang me and let my people go!” Kallian screamed.

                “Kallian! This isn’t getting anything done, let’s… Let’s just go.” Alinn said.

                Kallian wanted to bash someone skull in with her cane but resigned to walking away from the bastard guard who knew innocent elves were dying for a crime that was already being paid for.

                Meanwhile Jolene, Mirah, Morrigan, and Leliana were wandering about the market for any supplies the group needed. While they walked around Jolene heard a familiar voice call out,

                “Fine Dwarven Crafts, Direct from Orzammar!”

                Jolene froze in her tracks and turned to the source of the voice, by the stone it was him. It was Gorim, her Gorim.

                “Gorim! Gorim by the stone it is so wonderful to see you!” She ran over to him, smiling wildly.

                “Jolene? I knew you’d make it. When I heard about Ostagar I knew you were too strong to die like those common thugs.” Gorim placed a hand on her forearm.

                “I never thought I’d see the day that you became a merchant.” Jolene said.

                “My father in law has some good connections, it’s a way to make a living.” Gorim said.

                “Father in law? What about, what about us?” Jolene asked, it had only been around a month and a half since the expedition, surely even for the surface that was fast.

                “What we had was fun, but we both knew it wouldn’t last. My wife is a good woman, we’re actually expecting our firstborn in the spring.” Gorim said.

                “Did you even wait to find out if I lived?” Jolene asked, feeling as if Gorim had just stabbed her in the gut.

                “Jolene, your father he gave me this.” Changing the subject at breakneck speed he shoved a sealed letter into her hands, “He said it was for your eyes only, as your second I must give you it.”

                “My father is dead?” Jolene’s hands trembled as she saw the house Aeducan seal staring back up at her. She carefully opened the letter,

_Dear Jolene,_

_Perhaps you will burn this letter unread. For that, I would not blame you. But I would not return to the Stone without saying this to you: I have seen what Bhelen is. And when I saw it, I knew I had been a fool. For only a fool would cut out his own heart and burn it for the sake of appearances. I never believed in your guilt. I allowed you to be exiled because I feared an inquiry into Trian's murder would taint our house with scandal in the eyes of the deshyrs and cost our family the throne._

_But I have saved nothing by this sacrifice: I sent my only child into an uncertain exile. Know that whatever you do now, you bear all the honor and pride of House Aeducan._

                Jolene held the letter in her hands, reading her father’s script over and over again.

                “Gorim I, who is on the throne?” Jolene asked, she refused to believe Bhelen could possibly be on the throne.

                “When I was exiled right before the late king died my lady, I am so sorry.”

                “We have to go to Orzammar, I cannot let my father be succeeded by a manipulative murderer like my brother.” Jolene said as she looked from her companions to the letter once more.

                “Orzammar does have treaties with the wardens.” Morrigan pointed out.

                Jolene blinked back tears, “May we meet again my- may we meet again Gorim.” Jolene said. She led the group away from Gorim and the bustle of the marketplace. She leaned on the stone wall outside the chantry garden and cried. Morrigan and Leliana walked away, Mirah however stayed with the dwarf.

                “I know what it is like to lose your family, and someone you love.” She put a hand on Jolene’s shoulder, crouching to be at her level. Jolene threw her arms around Mirah and buried her face in her shoulder,

                “This is all my fault, my city, my brothers, my entire house is going to fall because of me.”

                Mirah cupped Jolene’s face, staring at her with her one eye,

                “This is not your fault, Jolene you are just as much a victim as Trian or your father was. Don’t you dare blame yourself for your brother’s actions.”

                “But I told him, I told him I didn’t trust Trian I _told_ him about my paranoia, I trusted him and he played me like a fucking lute. My country is going to fall into chaos at his hands and this is all my fault!”

                Mirah held Jolene’s face in both her hands, their noses were touching any closer and they would become the same person. Mirah could see every intricate detail of Jolene’s cinnamon colored geometric tattoos,

                “This. Is. Not. Your. Fault.” Mirah said.

                Jolene grabbed Mirah’s hands but did not remove them from her face. She stared into Mirah’s emerald gem of an eye,

                “You don’t know who I used to be.” She said as tears stained her light brown face.

                “If you were anything like I am now, I know you better than you think.” Mirah said.

                Maybe it was desire, maybe it was a palpable connection, maybe Jolene just needed to feel wanted but she kissed Mirah. Mirah kissed her back, tasting Jolene’s tears and feeling her fear. Jolene tangled her hands in Mirah’s hair. Mirah held Jolene close wrapping her arms around the smaller woman’s waist. Teeth and tongues clacked in the stolen moment. Jolene pushed Mirah off her,

                “I’m so sorry I, I shouldn’t have done that.” She said backing away from the one eyed warden.

                “Don’t apologize. We need what we need.” Mirah said, the honey sweet smell of Jolene’s hair still assaulting her senses.

                “If you two are quite done we did come here for a reason.” Morrigan interrupted.

                “We know.” Mirah stood up straight to make eye contact with Morrigan.

                “Then let’s get to it, this place disgusts me.” Morrigan said.

                Alinn and the others had dispersed to resupply and see if anyone had heard about brother Genitivi. Alinn was looking at a stand that was selling books, he overheard a woman ask,

                “Do you have any nonfiction works on the circles? Preferably more recent texts?” She sounded desperate. Alinn looked at the source of the voice, the woman wore a fine red patterned dress that she clearly had been wearing for a while. Her long black hair was naturally wavy and stopped just past her shoulders, she had dark skin as well. She spoke with an unmistakable freemarcher accent, like the one Lyonel had never completely lost.

                “Excuse me ma’am,” Alinn tapped the woman’s shoulder. “You’re from Kirkwall are you not?”

                “I am.” The woman wiped her face, “Why do you ask?” her soft eyes were the same color as Lyonel’s and had that same sadness to them.

                “Forgive me for assuming but you wouldn’t happen to be related to a Lyonel Amell would you?”

                The woman let out a small gasp, “Lyonel is my son, how do you know him?” She asked.

                “We,” Alinn paused, he didn’t know this woman at all or how she’d react to knowing the full extent of how well he knew her late son, “we were in the circle together, and we were wardens together.”

                “Were?” She asked.

                “Your son,” Alinn bit his lip, he hoped he could tell her without starting to cry, “your son died at Ostagar, he was brave and valiant and I- and he was loved and will be sorely missed.” He swallowed as he failed to hold back his tears, “You have my deepest sympathies.”

                The woman covered her mouth shaking her head slightly,

                “The last time I saw him he was, he was just a little boy…” She trailed off.

                Alinn put a hand on the woman’s shoulder,

                “I know my words will not ease your suffering, but your son was a good man, the best I ever knew in fact.” Alinn looked at the ground, the woman looked at him.

                “If he left such an impact on you the two of you must’ve been close.” She said.

                “Let’s just say I wish I could’ve met you in another world.” Alinn said.

                Lyonel’s mother wiped her eyes, “If you were good enough for my son you’re good enough for me. Make my son proud.” She asked.

                “I will, I promise.” Alinn put his hand on his heart as he spoke.

                “That’s all I need to know.” She said before walking away, Alinn wondered what it would’ve been like if he had met her in another world, in a world where a noble’s firstborn son could fall in love with a poor as dirt elf boy and meet his parents. He wondered if either of them would’ve ended up wardens in that life or if they would simply live their lives. There was of course, no point in pondering things that could never be.

                Kallian meanwhile sat in the gnawed noble tavern eavesdropping on some of the waitresses talking,

                “Wasn’t your pap a warden?”

                “If you define pap as adopting me and then running off to ‘serve the greater good’ then yeah, my pap was a warden. Old asshole never bothered writing to me or Da after that.”

                Kallian looked around the corner, the girl who spoke had short black hair and was clearly an elf even when she covered her ears so carefully with a headband. She also looked strikingly like warden Deadrick,

                “Sorry for eavesdropping, bit of a bad habit of mine but. Your dad was a warden?”

                “Yeah, old bastard probably died at Ostagar though, the lot of them did.”

                “What was your dad’s name?” Kallian asked.

                “Deadrick, why?”

                “I, I knew your dad.” Kallian said.

                “Oh did you? Did he ever once mention me? What’s my name?” The girl asked.

                “Your name is Anna, your hair smells like autumn and apples and you would always ask for caramel candies when your dad was going out to the market. And that’s only the stuff I remember him saying, your dad adored you with all his heart. He didn’t want to be a warden he was conscripted just like I was.” Kallian said.

                “He talked about me? After all this time?” Anna asked.

                “Yeah, only time I ever saw the man really smile was when he talked about his little girl.”

                “He died didn’t he? At Ostagar?” Anna asked.

                “It was quick.” Kallian said, a shiver ran down her spine as she remembered seeing Deadrick get beheaded.

                “That’s a damn shame, but I need to get back to work.” Anna said, but it was clear this knowledge meant more to her than she was letting on. Kallian nodded and left the tavern suddenly wanting to be with her family now more than ever.

                Natalia wandered around the center of the city. She heard some curses that sounded dwarven,

                “There you are you asshole duster!” A surface born dwarf said as he clapped a companion on the back.

                “We were beginning to fear you’d run back to Orzammar Ellis.” Another dwarf chided.

                Ellis? Natalia knew that name, her dead beat dad who ran out on her when her mom got pregnant.

                “Ellis Brosca?” Natalia asked, cocking her head to the side.

                “Yeah-” The dwarf turned around, he looked like Natalia in virtually every respect, choppy black hair, brown skin and almond shaped golden brown eyes, there was no mistaking them for anything but family.

                “Oh shit.” He said.

                “Oh shit? That’s all you got to say to me?” Natalia fumed.

                “Listen, Kalah isn’t my problem anymore and you were never part of my plan, that sister of yours uh… Riza? She was enough trouble so when you came along I split. But you’ve met the woman I’m sure you understand.” He touched her shoulder. She violently shrugged his hand off her,

                “Don’t you dare! You don’t get to skip out on the last twenty years of my life and then talk shit about my mom to try and get chummy with me! My mother was devastated when you left, and you know who she took it out on? Me and Rica, she would get drunk and beat the shit out of me for making the man she _loved_ walk out on her. You have no idea what me and my sister had to do just to survive down there. While you were up here pretending you didn’t absolutely _ruin my life_ before I even knew how to walk I sold myself to the carta just so I wouldn’t starve to death. Rica had to become a noble hunter, not that any of this shit even matters to you. All you care about is yourself, do you even know my name?” Natalia ranted at him. Twenty years of boiling rage finally had a release.

                “Of course I know your name, Natalie.” He said.

                Natalia punched him in the face, “That’s for my mom.” She kicked him in the gut, “That’s for Rica.” While he was doubled over she bashed her knee into his face, “And that’s for me. And it’s Natalia.” She grimaced at him. He looked up at her with a furious smile,

                “That’s my girl.”

                Natalia stormed off, she overheard one of her father’s companions say, “You didn’t mention your daughter was such a looker.”

                “I’m fucking an elf!” Natalia yelled as she continued to walked away.

Alinn was Alistair’s moral support when he went to meet his sister, it went about as well as Natalia’s oh so heartwarming reunion with her father,

                “And who’s this? Some elf to carry around your riches for you?”

                Alistair frowned, “Hey! Don’t speak to him that way” he put his arm in front of Alinn, as if to protect him, “he’s my friend and a grey warden just like me!” Alinn felt his heart beat a little faster than normal at hearing Alistair jump to his defense.

                “Ohh I see, a prince _and_ a grey warden, too! Who am I to think poorly of someone so high and mighty compared to me?” Goldanna sneered.

                “You know Alistair came here to find his family.” Alinn said, touching Alistair’s upper arm.

                “Well he’s found it, tell you what you tell your high and mighty friends you’ve got nieces and nephews that aint living like they should and then we’ll talk.” Goldanna said.

                “This is the family you were looking for Alistair.” Alinn said, looking at his tall friend.

                “It seems it is, let’s go. I want to go.” Alistair said. Alinn and Alistair left the small house.

                “Well that didn’t go how I was expecting it too.” Alistair said once they were outside.

                “I’m sorry it didn’t end better.” Alinn said.

                “I guess I was just I don’t know, expecting her to welcome me with open arms, isn’t that what family is supposed to do?” Alistair asked.

                Alinn held Alistair’s wrists, “I don’t know what to say, I’m so sorry it turned out like this.”

                “Duncan was the closest thing I had to family after the wardens, I guess I was just hoping she would care about me.”

                “Hey,” Alinn turned Alistair’s face so he was looking at him, “I care about you, Alistair, quite a bit actually. I guarantee that if you asked any of the others they’d all say the same. You’re one of us Alistair and we care about you.”

                Alistair smiled a little bit, “Thank you Alinn. I appreciate you being there for me even if it didn’t work out.”

                “Let’s go see what the others got up to.” Alinn said as he led Alistair away from Goldanna’s house.

                All the wardens had stories that they could’ve told when they were all reunited in the market district, none of them were particularly eager to share however.

                “Let’s find this scholar and get out of here.” Natalia said.

                “I have to agree we shouldn’t stay here any longer than we have to, we need to go to Orzammar.” Jolene said.

                “Why do we need to go to Orzammar?” Linara asked.

                “We need to prevent an irrveversible disaster.” Jolene said, “I’ll explain back at camp.”

                “Where does Genitivi live anyway?” Alinn asked.

                “Right across from the tavern.” Kallian said with a sly smile, “I also know we need to make one more stop here before we go, just you and me.” She pointed to Alinn.

                “Sounds ominous, let’s just see this Genitivi first.” Alinn said.

                Mirah opened the door to the scholar’s house. Surprisingly it was unlocked, probably not the best idea given the crime rate in Denerim but oh well. Mirah entered the main room of the house where a thin young man with a black wisp of hair seemed to be arranging books,

                “There’s no way you’re brother Genitivi.” Mirah said as she pointed at the young man.

                When the young man saw Mirah’s scarred face he dropped his books, “I oh! I’m terribly sorry, you startled me ma’am.”

                “Yeah, it happens when you lose an eye, where’s Genitivi?” She asked.

                “He’s on a quest for the urn of sacred ashes, I don’t know where he is at present.” The young man said.

                “Where is he?” Mirah asked.

                “I can’t tell you, the last group that went after him died and I will not send more to the same fate!” the man protested.

                “What makes you so sure we’ll fail?” Natalia asked, suspicious of the strange man.

                “The last group that went after Genitivi died.” The assistant repeated.

                “We can handle it, tell us where he is.” Mirah snarled.

                “Last I heard he was staying at an Inn near Lake Calenhad.” The man said, fearful under Mirah’s gaze. He bent down to pick up his books. Mirah bent down to help him, she noticed they were all on dragons and dragon cults,

                “Awfully sacrilegious for a chantry brother’s assistant.” Mirah said.

                The man stood up straight a gleeful shine to his eyes,

                “The blessed andraste has risen again!”

                Mirah stabbed him in the neck,

                “That’s nice, say hi to her for me.” She said as she ripped her blade out of his neck, showering the immediate area in blood.

                “Well, that happened.” Kallian said as she rubbed the blood splatter off her face.

                “And we’re on yet another journey to another far corner of Ferelden…Fantastic.” Natalia said.

                “At least we know what happened to the knights, a dragon cult got to them.” Mirah said.

                “You’d think the blight would be enough trouble but no, we need cultists demons and the undead too.” Kallian said.

                “Let’s just go to that inn before Genitivi gets himself killed.” Linara said.

                “Alinn and I need to make one more stop before we go.” Kallian said.

                “Make it quick.” Mirah glared.

                “It’s on our way anyway.” Kallian insisted.

                Kallian and Alinn stood outside of the pearl Alinn couldn’t believe this was the important detour Kallian mentioned,

                “A brothel? Really Kallian?”

                “Just come with me.” Kallian said as she opened the door.

                “Excuse me?” Alinn was taken aback.

                “For fucks sake just get in here.” She said.

                Alinn knew he was going to regret it but he entered the brothel anyway. Kallian went up to the desk,

                “Is the berry girl working today?” She asked.

                “Oh, it’s been awhile since you’ve been here. Let me check.” The clerk went to her books,

                “Yes she is.”

                “Great.” Kallian placed a handful of sovereigns on the desk,

                “My companion and I will have her for the rest of her shift then.”

                Alinn’s eyes widened, _Kallian you’re sleeping with Natalia not me._

                The clerk handed Kallian a slip of paper,

                “She’ll be in that room.” The clerk said.

                “Thank you Marielle.” Kallian said as she headed into the main room of the brothel.

                “Kallian please tell me this isn’t your way of saying you want to fuck me because,”

                “Alinn, just trust me. No sex is going to happen on this trip.” Kallian assured him.

                “Better not be.” He muttered under his breath.

                Kallian and Alinn found room twenty three, which was the room they would find whoever it was Kallian was paying to see. She slipped the paper through a sort of mail slot and the door opened. A young elven woman only a year older than Kallian stood in the door. She looked at the two of them,

                “Kallian? What’re you doing he-” She saw Alinn.

                “Juniper? Juniper is that really you?” Alinn asked.

                Juniper’s eyes widened as she stepped further back into the room,

                “Maker’s breath, it really is you…”

                Alinn and Kallian stepped into the room and closed the door behind them.

                “But, but how is this possible? How’d you get out of the circle?” Juniper asked, holding her little brother’s hands.

                “I’m a warden now sis, just like I always wanted to be.” He said with a smile.

                “And you survived Ostagar! I always knew you were a tough one.” She said her voice brimming with pride.

                “I’m surprised you’re all still living in Denerim, last thing I remember was us all getting ready to leave.” Alinn admitted.

                “We were gonna leave to stay together, when they took you we knew if you ever escaped we had to still be here.” Juniper explained.

                “I heard Amadin went missing. I also know about victorhea being a mage too, what else happened while I was gone?” Alinn asked.

                “Well, you have a little brother Nalen was born pretty soon after you were taken. He’s a little scrap of a kid. He really looks up to Chartan, you should meet him! He’s only heard stories about you.” Juniper said.

                “We’re actually leaving the city in a few hours, but I’m sure we’ll be back.” Alinn said.

                Juniper touched Alinn’s face, “I can hardly believe you’re really here.” She said.

                Alinn hugged his sister, “I can hardly believe I’m here.” He admitted.

                “ _Melava inan enansal_  
ir su araval tu elvaral  
u na emma abelas  
in elgar sa vir mana  
in tu setheneran din emma na” Juniper began to sing, Alinn remembered this song. Their fathers would sing it before sending them to bed, even though it was in no way a lullaby.

“ _lath sulevin_  
lath araval ena  
arla ven tu vir mahvir  
melana ‘nehn  
enasal ir sa lethallin” Alinn completed the song with her. She held her brother’s face in her hands,

                “I won’t keep you from your duty any longer, suledin ma’lin and may the gods bring you back to us one day.” She said.

                “I promise I will return to you ma’lin. I will see you and the rest of our family when all this is over.” Alinn vowed.

                “I paid for the rest of your day, enjoy your day off Juni.” Kallian said as the two of them got ready to leave.

                “Ma serannas.” Juniper said, wiping a joyful tear from her face.

                The wardens left the brothel, Alinn knew he would survive the blight to see his sister again, the Maker himself wouldn’t keep Alinn apart from his family anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's what the elven song translates to (took it right from the wiki)  
> Time was once a blessing  
> but long journeys are made longer  
> when alone within.  
> Take spirit from the long ago  
> but do not dwell in lands no longer yours.
> 
> Be certain in need,  
> and the path will emerge  
> to a home tomorrow  
> and time will again  
> be the joy it once was  
> Feedback welcome as always! And it'll take a while for me to update with confrence work for college and all that but I promise I'm not abandoning this project anytime soon


	22. Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cultists, stabbing, near death experiences and oh hello Andrastianism nice to see you again.

                Jolene and Mirah shared a tent after the capital, they had much to discuss. They didn’t talk about what happened in the capital. They talked about other things, both trivial and significant,

                “I just, I can’t be seen as weak. If anyone sees my weakness they’ll use it to keep me from the battle, from what gives me life. Being a warrior is all I am now that my family is gone, this is all I have left.” Mirah said.

                “I had to devote so much of my time to my appearance otherwise no one would accept me as a woman. And oh stone forbid I be anything other than Endrin’s perfect daughter or I was just doing it all to stand out to the assembly. As if being a woman would make the assembly more likely to choose me. I struggled with such severe paranoia, I only ever told Bhelen about it. I thought in an ocean of mistrust and deception he could be trusted. If I couldn’t trust my own brother who never showed any ambition for the throne then who could I trust? Apparently nobody.” Jolene said.

                “I know what you mean. I thought we could trust the Howes, there was talk of marrying me off to their eldest son for Andraste’s sake! And then he, he” Mirah could say no more. She wiped the tears from her eye.

                “I had a nephew, I loved that little boy like he was my own. He was only eight.” Mirah punched the ground, “He was eight years old and he was slaughtered like a pig!”

                “You will avenge him, if I know you at all I know you won’t rest until that traitor is dead.” Jolene said.

                “And you will do the same with your brother I assume?” Mirah asked.

                “He may already be dead, I just know he cannot take the throne, I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening.” Jolene said.

                “I will help you in any way I can.” Mirah said.

                “As will I with you.” Jolene said, taking Mirah’s hand in her own.

                “I swear in the name of the Maker and his bride.” Mirah said.

                “I swear on the ancestors.” Jolene said.

                After several days of traveling the wardens were on the edge of Lake Calenhad once more. Alinn stiffened when he saw the circle tower.

                “Are you alright?” Zevran asked.

                “That place and I have a history.” Alinn said, biting his lip.

                “Let’s just find this brother Genitivi and get out of here.” Linara said, the idea of imprisoning mages, the most gifted of all beings made her extremely uncomfortable. Nothing was more Andrastian than the circle and all it stood for. The wardens descended the hill. Mirah decided and Jolene went into the inn to ask about Genitivi. Linara leaned on a nearby wooden structure,

                “What are the ashes of a long dead shem going to do about a dying shem?” Linara asked.

                “Andraste’s ashes are supposed to be able to heal any ailment.” Alinn said ashamed of how much he knew about andraste and the religion surrounding her.

                “And how’s Genitivi going to help us find them? For all we know the dragon cult killed him.” Linara pointed out.

                Almost immediately after Linara finished her statement the group was ambushed by a huge group of heavily armed warriors. Kallian kicked some dirt at them before throwing a dagger at one’s throat. Alinn cast a chain lightning spell. Linara took a shield bash to the side of the face. She staggered away from the warrior only to find him continuing to push her further and further back. She nocked an arrow and shot her attacker in the arm. Kallian ripped her dagger out of one of the warrior’s throats only to get kneed in the back of her bad leg, she collapsed in pain. Sten decapitated the man who attacked Kallian. Natalia and Alinn were at each other’s backs defending one another. Linara stood on an edge alone, one archer versus a reaver twice her size. He swung his mighty battle axe at her. Linara Leapt back to avoid being gutted.

 She was standing on the very edge of the earth and it gave way underneath her. She fell into the freezing water of Lake Calenhad with a splash. Her armor was light but heavy enough to cause her to start sinking rapidly. She looked up at the ripples of moonlight, she wondered what it would be like to die. She saw her blood flowing up toward the surface the water was constricting and at the same time liberating. Her vision began to grow blurry and her skin grew cold _I will see you again soon Tamlen, I promise._ She thought with a smile. She closed her eyes and let the water rush into her when she felt someone wrap their arms around her.

Alinn dragged Linara’s waterlogged body onto shore, she was so cold to the touch.  He laid her on the ground, her lips had a blueish tinge.

“Lethallan please, you can’t die yet.” He pushed on her chest, praying she would expel some of the water from her lungs.

“Linara, Linara please!” Kallian said.

Alinn let healing magic and heat course through his hands as he kept pushing on her chest,

“Breathe! Mythalenaste just _breathe!”_ Alinn was yelling at Linara, he didn’t want to lose another friend.

Linara coughed several times, water finally getting out of her. She shivered and looked up at Alinn in confusion,

“Ma maleva halani.” _You helped me._

Alinn wrapped his arms around her, feeling her heartbeat in time with his own,

“Thank the gods you still live.” He said.

“You saved me, no one else.” Linara said.

Jolene and Mirah had joined the battle fairly late, both had seen Linara’s tumble from the cliff and Alinn’s near suicidal impulse to leap into the freezing waters after her.

“We need to get you two warmed up before you lose something.” Kallian said.

“Yes, and after that we know where we have to go now. A small village in the Frostbacks called Haven. It’s quite a ways journey from here, but the good news is it’s close to Orzammar.” Jolene said.

“That doesn’t sound like good news if you ask me.” Natalia said.

“Regardless I think we’re spending the night nearby so we don’t get a couple of frozen elves.” Kallian said.

“I’m sure I could find _some_ way to warm you up.” Zevran said in Alinn’s ear.

Alinn looked away from Zevran to try and hide his blush, which he could thankfully blame on the cold. He sent a heating spell through his body, warming him up quite quickly, he did the same for Linara of course. Kallian put her cloak on Linara’s shoulders,

“Ma serannas ma falon.” Linara said with a smile.

“No trouble.” Kallian said.

“Let us leave this place, we have a long journey ahead of us.” Linara said.

The wardens did have a long journey, it was weeks before they finally reached the village in fact. As they climbed their way up the mountain to the village Kallian began to fall behind. She stopped,

“I’ll catch up later!” She called. Grimacing, the extreme weather was only exasperating her limp. Natalia stayed behind with her.

“You need to lean on me?” Natalia offered.

“I need a knee that doesn’t have a hole in it.” Kallian said.

“Alinn’s the one that can do that type of magic.” Natalia waved her fingers about, “I can do _other_ magic though.” She said with a wink.

Kallian laughed, “I knew there was a reason I like you so much.”

Meanwhile up ahead the pack of wardens were stopped by a guard.

“There is nothing for you here travelers.” He insisted.

Mirah stepped into the guard’s space,

“That’ll be for us to decide, unless you want to fight us all to keep us out?”

The man glared at her but knew he was clearly outmatched,

“Haven doesn’t take kindly to strangers.” He warned as they passed by.

“The other elf and dwarf are with us.” Alinn added when he saw Kallian and Natalia approaching at a slower pace. Mirah had led the rest of the group up toward the local chantry, Alinn told the other two where they were heading before rushing to catch up with the others.

                Kallian and Natalia decided to ask the locals about anyone who could give Kallian’s leg a better splint. Natalia knocked on a door and it opened,

                “Weird.” She said as she pushed open the door.

                “Anyone home?” Kallian asked as she hobbled in.

                Natalia stared at a blood soaked altar that was still dripping onto the floor.

                “That’s human blood.” Kallian said, she knew the difference between human and animal blood plenty well.

                “I was worried you’d say that.” Natalia said.

                “Let’s get the fuck out of here and warn the others.” Kallian said.

                “I’m with you.” Natalia said.

                Natalia and Kallian traversed the hill up to Haven’s chantry. They arrived just in time to join the battle against a town full of raging cultists.

                “Why isn’t the creepy town ever just full of normal heretics?” Kallian asked as she stabbed a woman in the eye when she came at her armed with a dragon statue.

                “Because we wardens have shitty ass luck!” Jolene said.

                “Well you’re not wrong.” Kallian said, not expecting that sort of reaction from Jolene.

                When they killed the last of the cultists in the chantry Mirah looked beyond enraged,

                “How dare they twist Andraste to suit their own disgusting agenda?” She seemed completely unaware of the irony in her statement.

                “Oh yes, how dare anyone twist the words of a woman who died thousands of years ago to cause harm to anyone now, can you imagine how horrible that would be?” Alinn asked his feathery robes sticky with blood.

                “Now you listen here mage-” Mirah was cut off by Linara discovering a secret doorway.

                “There’s someone in here.” She said. Alinn and the others followed her into the room where an old man laid in a pool of his own blood.

                “Brother Genitivi?” Linara asked.

                The man looked up at them, visibly relieved.

                “I thought you were some of them, coming to finally finish me off.” Genitivi explained.

                “We’re here for the urn.” Mirah said.

                “I know where it is, the lead cultist, the apostate mage who led them had a medallion around his neck. It’s a key to the Temple of Sacred Ashes.” Genitivi explained.

                “This medallion?” Natalia asked as she held the bloodied pendant in front of her.

                “The very same.” Genitivi said. “I can take you to the temple so long as we don’t go too quickly.”

                Kallian shook her cane slightly, “We’re not very fast moving ourselves recently.” She glared at Zevran slightly, who pretended not to notice.

                “Won’t the villagers be after us?” Jolene asked.

                “If we sneak out the back they might not notice us.” Alinn said as he cast a minor healing spell on Genitivi.

                “Just who are you all, if I may?” Genitivi asked.

                “The last Grey Wardens of Ferelden.” Mirah said.

                “Thank the Maker you came when you did.”

                Alinn and Linara looked at each other, as did Jolene and Natalia in a rare moment of solidarity. Mirah allowed the chantry brother to lean on her as the group snuck out of the chantry. Genitivi lead them even further up the freezing mountain.  Alinn lit a small fire in his hand to keep warm and suddenly found all his companions sticking even closer to him than usual,

                “I do not have the mana to keep everyone warm.” He said.

                Linara wrapped her scarf even tighter around her face to combat the chill. After hours of travelling they were finally at the ancient doors,

                “Now give me the medallion and I will be able to open the doors.” Genitivi said.

                “Take it.” Natalia said as she handed it to the man. Genitivi thanked her and pressed the medallion into the doors, tumblers turned within them. Alinn suddenly felt like he was back in the basement of the circle, casting a spell on the door to break into the phylactery chamber. If anyone asked his shaking was from the cold. Zevran looked at the mage quizzically.

                “They’re open.” Genitivi said. Mirah pushed the doors open. She was awestruck by the cathedral’s vaulted ceilings and the remains of faded frescoes.

                “Oh if I could’ve only seen this place at its height!” Genitivi exclaimed, voicing Mirah’s thoughts precisely.

                “Let’s just find the urn and get out of here I think my toe is about to fall off.” Natalia said.

                Mirah glared at the callous dwarf, how could anyone be in the presence of such majesty and not be moved in the slightest? She could feel the Maker and Andraste in this place more than she felt them in any chantry. Linara also felt a presence, she felt humans staring down at her as they destroyed all her people had managed to reclaim, as they enslaved her people who had fought beside Andraste. She felt the gaze of humans who wished for her culture and indeed her very species to be destroyed. She gripped her bow, ready to aim it at the invisible threat that would never leave her alone.

                “I will remain here, if only I could take notes…” Genitivi trailed off as he was once again mesmerized by the temple.

                The wardens split up to cover more ground, Linara led the elves and Natalia while Mirah led the others. Both groups discovered rooms full of cultists who they quickly executed. They also discovered locked doors. Thanks to several lock picks they were able to get keys to further explore the temple. The two groups reunited after they had both explored their respective wings of the temple.

                “We found this key, let’s hope it opens to the inner sanctum of the temple.” Kallian said as she pressed the key into the hole, the door unlocked.

                “Ma serannas Andruil.” Kallian said, knowing full well honoring an elven goddess in Andraste’s temple would rile up Mirah like nothing else. She sauntered into the newly opened chamber as much as she could with her limp. Behind her Mirah was indeed riled up like something else, briefly considering what Kallian’s brain would look like splattered against the stairs. Before Mirah could delve too far into her murderous fantasy the posse was attacked by another batch of cultists.

                “Do they never give up?” Linara asked as she shot s fiery arrow at one’s eye.

                “Apparently not.” Alinn said as he cast a chain lightning, shocking all of the warriors.

                “For the risen Andraste!” One of the warriors cried as he went for Mirah. Mirah began quoting the chant of light as she attacked,

“Blessed are they who stand before The corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just.” She spat at the heretical warriors.

                Jolene fought any warriors who attempted to flank Mirah, they didn’t expect Jolene to be as formidable a foe as she had proven herself to be. When all the warriors lay dead Mirah began to pray the woman was dripping in blood as she called upon the blessed martyr Andraste. It was only after some time that Alinn realized she wasn’t praying, but reciting verses of the chant of light,

                “I am not alone. Even as I stumble on the path with my eyes closed, yet I see the light is here… Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the Shadow. In their blood the Maker’s will is written.” She stood up straight once more, saying nothing about her sudden faithful compulsion. She ascended the steps before them and led the group through the temple silently. Eventually they stood in front of tunnels that were clearly not part of the original temple.

                “There’s somebody in there, I can sense it.” Zevran said.

                “If you’re so sure why don’t you lead the way?” Mirah asked, clearly mistrustful of the Antivan.

                “If you insist.” Zevran said. Alinn was right behind him, not trusting Mirah to not stab another ally in the back for arbitrary reasons. Zevran led the group down the twisting tunnel,

                “Zevran, do you hear drakes by any chance?” Alinn asked.

                “I was rather hoping I was just hearing things.” He admitted.

                “Fantastic.” Alinn said. They continued walking forward however. When they reached the main chamber they found themselves confronted by a room full of cultists and several Drakes.

                “Who are you strangers who blunder through our home and slaughter our children? I demand to know in the name of Andraste.”

                Mirah shoved Zevran and Alinn out of her way,

                “We are the Grey Wardens of Ferelden. We have come here to reclaim the blessed Andraste’s temple and her sacred ashes from you heretical heathens!” She fumed.

                “One eyed war-maiden, you are mistaken. Why do we need ashes when we serve the risen Andraste in all Her glory?” The lead cultist began.

                “You lie, Andraste ascended to the Maker’s side she has not returned to thedas!”

                The man sighed, “I was hoping a devotee could’ve been made of you. But alas Andraste demands your blood.” The cultist came at her with a mighty battle axe. Mirah stabbed the cult leader in the face,

“They shall be named Maleficar, accursed ones. They shall find no rest in this world or beyond.” Her eyes shone with the same righteous defiance they did when she slaughtered Lyonel what felt like a lifetime ago. Mirah spat as she ripped her blade out of the cultist’s face. The rest of the cultists were enraged and dedicated to avenging their leader. Alinn was stabbed in the gut. Zevran stabbed the warrior who came at Alinn in the eyes. The two elves stuck close together, Alinn defending Zevran and Zevran defending Alinn.

                “Andruil aim me true.” Linara said as she elbowed a warrior in the face while she aimed her bow at one of the dragons attacking Jolene. Kallian caned one of the men to death and Natalia gutted one of the warriors like a fish when he went for her at the time occupied girlfriend. Jolene stabbed a drake in the neck, never expecting to fight a small pack of dragonlings practically singlehandedly.

                After killing the last of the cultists the wardens headed down the tunnels, and after only a few wrong turns and doubling back they were outside the temple, on the way to the true location of Andraste’s sacred urn and the miracle ashes within.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having fun and I should be working on schoolwork. But honestly after this chapter I'm not sure when I'll get a chance to update again. Feedback as usual always welcome and my tumblr is alinnsurana


	23. Urn of Sacred Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are several mentions of suicide and references to past suicide attempts so be wary.

                Mirah led the wardens out of the tunnels and out of the back door of the temple which had over the years been partially consumed by the earth. She led them down the slope to the entrance to another part of the temple which was probably once connected.

                “Andraste guide me.” She said as she opened the doors and entered the temple.

                The wardens filled the foyer of the ancient temple. There was an armored guard standing in front of the next set of door,

                “If you are another cultist worshipping a false god as Andraste I swear I will-” Mirah began.

                “I am not one of them, I have been guarding Andraste’s urn since her time from those who would desecrate it.”

                “We are here to save a man’s life, we need Andraste’s power.” Mirah explained.

                The guardian looked at the ragtag group before him,

                “The faithful will need to be put to the test first I need you all to answer a question for me.”

                The guardian looked at Mirah first,

                “Your mother Eleanor still lived when you fled, do you regret leaving her to die alone?”

                “Shut your fucking mouth! I begged that woman to come with me but she refused! Andraste as my witness I didn’t want to leave her!” Mirah declared emphatically.

                “Very good.” The guardian said. He turned his attention to Kallian.

                “Tabris, do you feel that you failed Shianni when you failed to get to her before Vaughn took advantage of her?”

                Kallian grimaced, “How dare you ask that so flippantly. Do I wish I’d gotten to Shianni before she was raped? Of course, do I wish I hadn’t been raped or that my fiancé hadn’t been killed trying to get me out? Of course, do I blame myself for anything that happened that day? Fuck no. That shem came to our town and kidnapped us abused us and killed us. Vaughn had it coming, I wish I could’ve gotten to Shianni sooner but don’t you dare imply with that holier-than-thou tone that what happened was in anyway my fault.”

                The guardian nodded and then looked at Jolene, she knew what was coming.

                “Do I regret slaying my brother in cold blood?” She asked the guardian as he asked her the same. There was a palpable silence in the air.

                “Of course I do, everyone knows that. I am a filthy kinslayer and I should’ve died in the deep roads. But what does that matter anymore? I was manipulated into killing my brother, Bhelen knew my weaknesses and used them to his own end. I killed Trian and I will not deny that. I will bear that weight to my dying day, but I am not the only one who ended his life.” Jolene said standing still as a stone as she spoke.

                The guardian nodded at Jolene. He turned to Natalia,

                “And the other Orzammar native, do you regret abandoning Rica and your mother in Dust Town?”

                “You say that like I had a choice in the matter. It was either leave them for the surface as a warden or leave them by being flayed alive for kicking the warrior caste’s ass. Don’t fucking act like I had any power over that whole shit show.” Natalia said.

                The guardian acknowledged Natalia’s response and turned his attention to Linara,

                “You left Tamlen to die in the woods, do you regret that?”

                “I had no power over that, I was dying too and I was dragged out of those ruins. Had it been up to me I would’ve wasted away in that cave searching for him till my fingers bled and the blight consumed me.” Linara said, wringing her hands.

                The guardian finally turned his attention to Alinn,

                “You are an endless stream of regrettable actions aren’t you?”

                “Oh just get it over with, are you going to ask me about Lyonel? Jowan? Mirah? The fucking mages in the tower? Come on old man, try your luck.” Alinn goaded.

                “Do you regret that you did not succeed in taking your own life last Satinalia?” The guardian asked.

Alinn blinked in shock, a hand instinctively went to his chest, how had he known about Alinn’s suicide attempt?

                “How did you? I uh, yes. Yes I still wish I had succeeded if that’s what you’re asking.”

                “I thought as much.” The guardian said. Alinn felt the eyes of all his companions on him, of course the guardian couldn’t have asked him about something horrible the others _already_ knew about no, Alinn’s history had to be dragged to the light regardless of if he was actually ready to talk about it. He felt Zevran’s eyes on him in particular, he wanted to snap at him, all of them. But the guardian wasn’t done apparently.

                “Antivan, you have assassinated many in your years but one in particular an elven girl…” Zevran did not let the guardian complete his sentence.

                “Yes, yes I regret it that is all I have to say about it.” Zevran said, avoiding making eye contact with any of the others. It seemed only natural that a lifelong assassin would regret at least one mission.

                “Alistair.” The guardian began, “Do you wish that you had been on the battlefield to shield Duncan from the final blow? Do you still believe that Ferelden would be better off if you had died instead of him or your brother?”

                “Yes, yes I still think that.” Alistair said.

                “If you’re quite done may we continue on our quest?” Linara asked, tired of this shem dragging her and her companions personal struggles into the light.

                “It is not my place to decide your worthiness, the Gauntlet does that.” The guardian said.

                “Andraste guide us.” Mirah said.

                The guardian stepped aside and allowed the wardens to pass him by entering the first trial of the gauntlet. There were eight spirits in the room, Mirah recognized some of them from the chant,

                “Each of us will go to one.” She said.

                Natalia approached the spirit of a human woman,

                “"Echoes from a shadow realm, whispers of things yet to come. Thought's strange sister dwells in night, is swept away by dawning light. Of what do I speak?" the spirit asked.

                “Dreams.” Natalia said remembering her experience with others dreams all too well.

                “"A dream came upon me as my daughter slumbered beneath my heart. It told of her life and of her betrayal and death. I am sorrow and regret. I am a mother weeping bitter tears for a daughter she could not save." The spirit responded before she dissipated and the clear smoke that had once been her body rushed to the sealed doors on the far side of the room.

                Alinn spotted an elven spirit and approached him immediately, recognizing the spirit as that of Shartan the Liberator,

                “I'd neither a guest nor a trespasser be. In this place I belong, that belongs also to me.” Shartan said.

                “A home.” Alinn said mournfully.

                “It was my dream for The People to have a home of their own, where we would have no masters but ourselves. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, and thus we followed Andraste, against the Imperium. But she was betrayed, and so were we.” Shartan said before he to dissipated and flowed toward the sealed door. Alinn knew he would tell Linara of the Liberator when all was said and done.

                Linara approached a spirit, the human spirit smiled at her,

                “The smallest lark could carry it, while a strong man might not. Of what do I speak?” The spirit asked.

                “A tune.” Linara said.

                “Yes. I was Andraste's dearest friend in childhood, and always we would sing. She celebrated the beauty of life, and all who heard her would be filled with joy. They say The Maker himself was moved by Andraste's song, and then she sang no more of simple things.” The spirit said before she dissipated as well.

                Kallian approached the human spirit with ancient feathered robes,

                “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. The debt of blood must be paid in full. Of what do I speak?” the spirit asked.

                “Vengeance.” Kallian said the image of Nelaros with a slit neck and Shianni’s bruised face flooded her mind, followed quickly by the shemlen blood Kallian nearly drowned herself in that day.

                The spirit grinned at her, “Yes. My husband Hessarian would have chosen a quick death for Andraste. I made him swear that She would die publicly with Her warleaders, that all would know the Imperium's strength.” The lady magister dissipated as the other spirits had.

                Mirah approached the spirit of Maferath the Betrayer,

                “A poison of the soul, passion's cruel counterpart; from love she grows, till love lies slain. Of what do I speak?” He asked the one eyed warden.

                “Jealousy.” She said, knowing the story of Maferath all too well.

                “Yes, jealousy drove me to betrayal. I was the greatest general of the Alamarri, but beside Her I was nothing. Hundreds fell before Her on bended knee. They loved Her, as did the Maker. I loved her too, but what man can compare with a god?” Maferath said before dissipating.

                Jolene approached a spirit with robes she noticed were very similar to the ones Alinn wore.

                “She wields the broken sword, and separates true kings from tyrants. Of what do I speak?” He asked her.

                “Mercy.” She replied.

                “Yes. I could not bear the sight of Andraste's suffering, and mercy bade me end her life. I am the penitent sinner, who shows compassion as he hopes compassion will be shown to him.” Jolene felt a connection to this spirit, something in the way he spoke said that they may have been more alike than appearances would imply. The spirit dissipated.

                Zevran approached a spirit,

                “The bones of the world stretch towards the sky's embrace. Veiled in white, like a bride greeting her groom. Of what do I speak?” The spirit asked the crow.

                “Mountains?” Zevran said.

                “Yes. I carried Andraste's Ashes out of Tevinter into the mountains to the east where She could gaze ever into Her Maker's sky... No more fitting a tomb than this could we find.” The spirit said before vanishing.

                Alistair approached the final spirit,

                “No man has seen it but all man know it. Lighter than air, sharper than any sword. Comes from nothing but would fell the strongest armies. Of what do I speak?”

                “Oh, hunger of course.” Alistair said.

                “Yes, hunger was the weapon used against the wicked men of the Tevinter Imperium. The Maker kindled the sun's flame, scorching the land. Their crops failed, and their armies could not march. Then He opened the heavens and bade the waters flow, and washed away their filth. I am Cathaire, disciple of Andraste and commander of Her armies. I saw these things done, and knew the maker smiled on us.” Cathaire said before he like all his spiritual brethren disappeared. The doors to the next room of the gauntlet swung open.

                There was a line of beings of various species in the room. The wardens approached them slowly, when the wardens recognized who was in the hall they all ran at the spirits.

                Trian Aeducan stood in front of Jolene,

                “Hello sister of mine, been some time hasn’t it?” He asked bitterness in his voice.

                Jolene didn’t bother holding back her tears, “I’m _sorry_ Trian, I’m so sorry I did this to you. I can never forgive myself for what I’ve done so I do not expect you to either.”

                “Oh quit with the pity party Jolene, you can’t unstab me and I can’t go back and not make it so easy for Bhelen to get you to think I was going to kill you.” He paused “Live well and uh, bring honor to our house once more.”

                Jolene looked at her brother in quiet shock as his spirit disappeared. She said nothing for quite some time.

                Kallian could hardly believe her eyes when she saw Shianni standing in front of her. She reached to touch her cousin’s face but didn’t dare.

                “Hello cousin.” Shianni said.

                “Shianni I, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you in time. I’m sorry the alienage was purged I’m sorry that I failed you… I, I failed us all.” Kallian said fingertips touching Shianni’s face, she was cold.

                “You have always fought for our people, you killed every single one of them. You did everything you could.” Shianni put an amulet around Kallian’s neck, “Take this and remember you’ve made it this far.”

                “Thank you Shianni. I won’t fail you again.” Kallian swore.

                “You never failed me.” Shianni said before vanishing.

                Kallian fell to her knees holding onto the locket for dear life.

                Linara couldn’t form a single coherent sentence when she saw Tamlen before her.

                “Aneth era Linara.” He said with an amicable smile.

                “Tamlen, ir abelas, I should never have let the others take me from that cave, I knew you were still there.” She began to sob, “Can you ever forgive me?”

                “Ar lasa ma revas.” _I give you your freedom._ He placed a locket into her hands, holding them in his own for a few moments, “Mala suledin nadas.” _Now you must endure._ He kissed her forehead and vanished. Linara fell to her hands and knees, holding the locket to her chest, “Ar lath ma.” _I love you._

                Mirah’s eye widened when she saw her father,

                “Father, I- I don’t understand.”

                “Pup, you carry a heavy burden. Please let me lighten it, it wasn’t your fault.” Bryce began.

                “Why didn’t she come with me? I would’ve carried you through the black city itself why didn’t you let me save you?”

                “We would’ve only slowed you down my daughter. Please do not blame yourself for our deaths pup.”

                Mirah wiped the tears from her eye,

                “I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter. I love you pup.” Bryce said putting one hand on Mirah’s scarred cheek and the other handing her a necklace.

                “I love you too dad.” Mirah said, she knew this was probably a spirit sent to test her by Andraste, but it didn’t make the sting in her heart hurt any less. Her father once again vanished, she reached out to him but once again, she failed to save her father. She looked at the statue of Andraste, tears in her eye,

                “Do you want me to burn as you did?” She asked biting her lip as she remembered that treacherous day what felt like an eternity ago. The copper smell of blood assaulting her senses, her father dying right in front of her. Begging her mother to come with her, only for her mother to remain behind to die. Everyone she tried to save that day died, Sir Gilmore, Oren and Oriana, and then finally both her parents. She would never be able to forget the horror as she realized she was the only one of her family to survive. Her body quivered as the memories overtook her, blood everywhere dying screams cutting through the silence of night. She put her hand on the wall in front of her to keep herself standing. She began to pray,

                “Let the blade pass through the flesh, Let my blood touch the ground, Let my cries touch their hearts. Let mine be the last sacrifice. There is but one Truth. _All things are known to our Maker_ And He shall judge their lies. Andraste please, have mercy on my wicked soul.” She begged through whispered breath.

                Natalia stood in front of Leske unsure quite what to make of him.

                “Hey Leske… Long time no see?”

                “Oh don’t give me that crap fancy surfacer.” Leske said.

                “What the hell Leske, I’m running for my life trying to end the apocalypse not living in a fucking palace. If I could’ve brought you and my family to the surface you know I would’ve!”

                “Oh don’t try to get on my good side now, you’ve _clearly_ forgotten where you come from. Don’t bother Nat.” Leske said.

                Natalia stared at him mouth agape as he vanished.

                “I could never forget!” She yelled at the empty space, “You think I forgot what it was like to be beaten in the streets? To always be stuck under Behrat’s thumb? I could never forget where I’m from so don’t you dare act like I have.”

                Alinn stood in front of Lyonel breathing heavily, would the fade ever stop sending him this vision?

                “Alinn.” Lyonel began.

                “I’m sorry! I should’ve been there for you on the battlefield, I should’ve I should’ve known Mirah was lying I betrayed you and I can never forgive myself.” Alinn started.

                Lyonel cupped Alinn’s face in his hands, making his lover look at him.

                “Nothing you could’ve done would’ve prevented my death ma halla.” He ran his fingers through Alinn’s hair, “You have not betrayed me my love, you are a hero to mages everywhere and I couldn’t be prouder of you.”

                “I still love you.” Alinn said, tears streaming down his face.

                “And I still love you.” Lyonel said.

                Alinn pulled Lyonel’s face into his own, he knew this illusion wasn’t Lyonel but it didn’t _matter_ for a moment he was with the love of his life again and he could pretend that everything was alright. Alinn held onto Lyonel for dear life, Lyonel clasped a necklace around Alinn’s neck and vanished. Alinn stared at the empty space he had once occupied,

                “Why do I always lose you?” He hardly more than whispered.

                “We have to keep going.” Mirah said, biting her lip. They all knew it was true but none of them were ready to move on just yet. Linara and Kallian got up off the stone floor. Linara said nothing. Alinn was catatonic, unmovable from his spot. Linara pulled Alinn down the hall with the rest of the wardens. When the wardens entered the next chamber they were confronted by their own images. Linara knocked an arrow and aimed it at her counterpart,

                “Ma ghilana mir din’an.” _Guide me into death._ She said.

                Alinn’s spirit charged at him, “Ma banal las halamshir var vhen!” _You do nothing to further our people._ Alinn cast a freezing spell on his visage and smacked him with the end of his staff,

                “You think this is the first time I’ve tried to kill myself?” Alinn mocked the spirit. He saw the fury in his own eyes as the spirit tried to stab him with the blade at the end of his staff. Alinn jumped back, engaging himself. He shot a ball of fire at himself several other spirits were caught in the fray and if the smell of burning hair was anything to go by; so had his allies. His spirit’s eyes were clouded by the smoke when Alinn killed him. He saw his own body fall to the ground and die,

                “About time I finally managed to do it.” Alinn said with a dark smile.

                “Watch out!” Zevran pulled Alinn back as Zevran’s spirit lunged at the mage. The two elves fought the assassin’s image. Zevran put his arm in front of Alinn as he fought himself. Alinn of course was casting plenty a spell on the spirits but Zevran seemed determined to keep Alinn from the very front lines of the battle.

                Kallian smacked her spirit in the head with her cane and bashed her own skull in with it. Emphatically declaring,

                “You. Won’t. Hurt. Them!”

                Natalia was wrestling with her spirit, both of them cursing the other out. Jolene’s spirit stabbed her in the arm,

                “Kinslayer!” She yelled.

                “As are you!” Jolene said as she stabbed her spirit in the stomach, she pinned herself to the ground and stabbed the ghostly image over and over even as the spirit was fading she buried her blades in the ghost again and again. Linara shot Alistair’s ghost in the neck as he was standing in the line of fire between herself and her visage. Alistair charged at Linara’s vision,

                “Alistair get away from her I must finish her off myself!” Linara called out as she knocked another arrow. She aimed it just so that it missed Alistair and landed in her doppelgänger’s eye. Alistair charged at his own image after Linara shot the final killing arrow at her ghost.

                Mirah’s ghost had an advantage over Mirah, two eyes and cutting words.

                “He wasn’t even our father.”

                “I am a Cousland.”

                “You are weak!” The spirit mocked.

                “I am a warden!” Mirah said.

                “You fell under the charms of a mage!”

                “I didn’t fall, I knew exactly what I was doing. He has no power over me.” Mirah retorted.

                “You haven’t a drop of noble blood in your body!” The spirit combated as she sliced Mirah’s arm.

                “I am Mirah Cousland, last of my name Warrior of the Wardens!” Mirah stabbed her double in the stomach.

                “You’re the daughter of an elven servant and an apostate!” The spirit declared doubled over.

                “Who bore me doesn’t matter. I am a Cousland.” Mirah said as she slit the spirit’s throat, “End your speaking spirit.” She didn’t believe this spirit, it was like the demon of the fade. A test of her devotion to Andraste and nothing more. The wardens took a moment to recuperate. Zevran pulled Alinn aside for a moment,

                “Are you alright my friend?” He asked.

                “Zevran I’m fine, you barely let me get within five feet of any spirits.” Alinn said.

                “That’s not, oh no matter, just making sure.”

                Alinn smirked, “I’m fine Zevran, really.”

                Zevran winked, “That you are.”

                Alinn rolled his eyes and the elves rejoined the others. Jolene was rather shaken from the incident,

                “Let’s not do that again.” She said.

                “I’m with you there, that was… Trying.” Kallian said, rubbing her leg.

                “We must endure, we need to get to the ashes.”

                The next test was a puzzle sort of thing, it took the group some time to figure out, nearly causing Kallian to plummet to her death. But once Kallian made it across to the other side the bridge appeared in its entirety for the rest of them. The wardens went down the narrow hallway to the final trial. Before them was a roaring wall of flame and a single altar, depicting pilgrims stripping down and crossing the fire just as the beloved Andraste did to ascend to the Maker’s side.

                “Well, we have reached our final test it would seem.” Mirah said.

                “Are you seriously telling me your prophetess wants us all to strip naked and walk through fire to access her urn?” Linara asked.

                “We need the ashes.” Mirah pointed out.

                “And there is no one in this room I want to see me naked.” Linara said.

                “We must all complete the ritual Linara.” Mirah insisted.

                Linara grunted. None of the wardens seemed particularly pleased about the final test. Although Kallian commented,

                “Not the first time I’ve seen you naked.” She winked at Natalia.

                “Could be sacrilegious later and _not_ in the most sacred location you’ve ever been?” Mirah asked.

                “I’m sure Andraste and her flaming tits doesn’t mind me commenting on my girlfriend’s banging body.” Kallian commented as she removed her final article of clothing.

                Mirah grabbed Kallian by the ponytail, “Show some respect you heathen!” She threw Kallian and she stumbled through the fire but was not burned when she fell out the other side.

                “Andraste’s flaming tits…” Kallian said.

                “She’s worthy?” Mirah seemed genuinely surprised.

                “I can’t believe you just threw my girlfriend into a wall of fire.” Natalia said.

                Mirah ignored Natalia and passed through the fire herself, a fearful reverence on her face as she crossed the barrier. One by one the wardens passed through the fire. Jolene was sheepish about her nudity and stood away from the others. Alinn and Linara were the only ones left on the other side,

                “Come on you two, it’ll be fine!” Kallian assured them.

                Linara made herself as small as she could, which given that she was six foot wasn’t an easy feet. Her arms covered her breasts and her legs were crossed. The last thing she wanted was for all of her companions to see her completely naked. Alinn too was nervous about the others seeing his body and the scars that covered his chest.

                “I’m Dalish, there’s no way that won’t be my funeral pyre.” Linara said.

                “As am I, we should just wait here.” Alinn said.

                “If I could get through you two can!” Natalia encouraged her friends.

                Alinn and Linara looked at each other,

                “Care to join me in my trial by fire?” Alinn asked, holding out a hand.

                “I’d be honored.” Linara said taking his hand. The two wardens crossed the fire. Linara felt the fire touching her skin biting her even, coloring the tattoos that covered her body in an orange light. Out of the corner of her eye she saw that Alinn too had tattoos beyond the ones on his face. When they crossed the threshold the fire went out. They were worthy of Andraste and her Ashes. The wardens donned their armor once more, Linara Jolene and Alinn were careful to dress quickly. Mirah approached the urn, reverent as ever.

                “For she who trusts in the Maker, fire is her water. As the moth sees light and goes toward flame, She should see fire and go towards Light. The Veil holds no uncertainty for her, And she will know no fear of death, for the Maker Shall be her beacon and her shield, her foundation and her sword.” Mirah recited the chant she knew in her very soul. She pulled out a small leather pouch and touched the urn. She felt the Maker’s light within her as she took the top off the urn,

                “Andraste guide me.” She took a small pinch of the ashes and placed them in the pouch. She then closed the urn. She turned back to the wardens,

                “We have completed our duty in this Holy place.” She said.

                “Thank the Creators.” Linara whispered to Alinn, who couldn’t agree more.

                “We must head back to Redcliffe and deliver the Ashes to Arl Eamon.” Mirah said.

The wardens had a long journey ahead of them but as always, any storm they faced they would endure together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I!!! am p proud of this chapter!!! feedback always welcome!!! yea!!!


	24. Lone Warden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actions have consequences my dear wardens, actions have consequences they just aren't always the ones we expect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of past templar abuse

            It had taken the wardens some time to get all the way to the urn in the first place, they were now a few weeks into the return journey. The band of misfits was just beginning to settle down for the night, Alinn lit the fire with the flick of a wrist, earning a rather nasty glare from Natalia who’d been attempting to start one with two stones for the past five minutes. Kallian and Linara sat near the fire as they prepared the meal for that evening, a fish and whatever-it-was-they-caught-earlier stew. Alinn got up to go to the outskirts of the camp to let Morrigan know dinner was ready when he felt a sharp and all too familiar pain.

            It was a mana drain.

            He heard Alistair say something to Mirah but Alinn couldn’t make it out. Just as soon as it had come over him the mana drain was gone. Alinn was leaning on his staff, Alistair and Mirah approached him,

            “I didn’t know you were passing by our training session I’m so sorry.”

            “What the hell kind of training” Alinn realized in an instant, “You’re training her to be a Templar, you’re training her to control mages.”

            “It’s only for emissary darkspawn.” Alistair assured him.

            Alinn looked at Mirah,

            “Don’t, _ever_ use that on me again.” He gripped his staff like a walking stick.

            Mirah glanced at Alistair briefly,

            “Never again.” She said.

            Alinn walked away feeling disgusted that Mirah was actually training to become a Templar, not that it really surprised him at all. He went over to Morrigan’s side of camp and told her the stew would be ready soon. He headed back over to the main camp. Mirah stepped in front of her the armor clad woman was hardened by her battles, her hair was messy and her face stern. The leather eyepatch she’d made added to her intimidating factor,

            “Mage.” She said.

            “Out of my way Mirah, you have no power over me.” Alinn was unsure if he was trying to convince Mirah or remind himself.

            “You’re a mage, you can’t be unsupervised, did you learn nothing from the circle?” Mirah asked.

            “I learned the chantry is too busy sucking its own dick to realize that systematic abuse isn’t okay.” Alinn said as he walked past Mirah, “And I know you can’t do a damn thing to stop me from being free.” Mirah caught him by the arm,

            “I’m a Templar” She held his face close to hers, “ _I can do whatever I want to you_.”

            Alinn’s eyes went black as he shoved Mirah away from him, sending a cascading wave of magic through her, she collapsed convulsing once after she fell. Alinn stepped back, scrambling to pick up his staff as he looked around at the others. Everyone was looking at him in shock, he’d just killed another warden, they were going to kill him for this he just knew it; he was an expendable mage and everyone knew. He ran for his life, if they couldn’t catch him they couldn’t kill him.

            Alinn fled into the woods and attempted to process what had just happened. He dug his nails into his scalp swearing as his mind raced to catch up with the rest of him,

            “Shit, Shit I’m a _fucking_ idiot.” He swore.

His hands shook as if trying to escape at the wrist. He paced the woods his mind racing, he just killed another warden, he killed her and he was going to be killed for it or worse. He screamed and shot a lightning bolt at a tree,

“Mythal’s breath I was so close!” He said. 

If he hadn’t let go, if he hadn’t let his emotions get the better of him then maybe she would still be alive, maybe he wouldn’t have had to run. But his mind was clouded with images of Templars and the abuse they’d thrown at him. She decided to become a Templar to keep him under her control, she couldn’t stand a free mage and decided to do something about it.

 _I’m a Templar, I can do whatever I want to you._  How many times had he heard that same phrase from Bennet? From all the other Templars in the circle. He screamed, the wardens were his one chance at freedom and now it was all going to come crashing down because he killed her. He killed her and he knew no one would let him survive that action.

Alinn screamed, a stream of electric energy flowing out of him haphazardly. Lightning patterns of charred grass spiraled away from Alinn’s spot in the forest. He walked further and further into the woods knowing full well that if he stayed far away long enough the wardens would eventually have to move on without him and be satisfied with Morrigan and Wynne as their mages, between a shapeshifter and a healer it wasn’t as if Alinn was very useful to his fellow wardens as of late. Alinn found a decent sized rock to sit on. He stared straight ahead at the crowded overgrown woods, he wondered what creatures were hiding within those trees. It certainly wasn’t any darkspawn that he could sense.

Alinn’s ears pricked as he heard the soft approach of footsteps, he looked over his shoulder and to his surprise he saw Zevran.

“They sent you to finish me off I take it?” Alinn asked with a sigh moving his hair out of the way revealing his pale neck “Well best get to it.”

            Zevran looked at him sadly with those golden eyes,

            “No one sent me, in fact I don’t think they noticed I am gone yet.” Zevran said.

            “Then why the hell are you here?” Alinn asked.

            “I swore an oath of loyalty to you, if you are no longer with the wardens then neither am I.” He said.

            Alinn shifted so he was facing Zevran,

            “Not even a little bit of judgement for me killing one of my companions in our camp?” Alinn asked.

            “You forget rather quickly how we met my dear warden.” Zevran said.

            “My _dear_ warden, that’s new.” Alinn commented.

            “I believe we were speaking of what happened to the lady Mirah, she’s been antagonizing you since before we met and clearly something caused you to act. Why would I judge you for that?” Zevran asked.

            “Because wardens are the only ones who can end the blight and thanks to my little stunt I made the fight that much harder.” Alinn said.

            “It is a war, people die.” Zevran said. “Surely by now you know that there are people who deserve to die correct?”

            “Be that as it may who am I to decide who lives and who dies?” Alinn asked.

            “You’re a grey warden.” Zevran said.

            “I’m a poor as dirt alienage elf who killed a noble, I’m a mage who killed a Templar. I’m the son of a Dalish apostate and a poor tailor. I killed a fellow warden, just one of these things would be enough to get me executed much less all of them!”

            Zevran held the warden’s wrists,

            “Give yourself some credit, you’re rather a pain in the ass to kill. Not to mention I’m not about to let anyone get to you.”

            “You’re incredibly loyal Zevran, I’m still not used to it.” Alinn said unable to look the Antivan in the eye.

            “Best get used to it.” Zevran said with a wink.

            Alinn felt a blush rising on his face. He hated how Zevran could say the simplest phrase and suddenly his face was red or his heart was racing, it was eerily similar to the early parts of Alinn and Lyonel’s relationship although at the time it could hardly be called that. Alinn laid an arm on Zevran’s shoulder smiling shyly. He opened his mouth to say something a few times but the words dried up on him before he could say them aloud. Zevran raised his eyebrows at the other elf,

            “Have something to say warden?”

            Alinn looked at Zevran’s lips as they carefully formed each word. Alinn nodded,

            “You’ve been flirting with me for far too long you bastard.”

            “Oh? Do you want me to stop?” Zevran asked.

            “No you asshole I want you to kiss me.”

            “As you desire.” Zevran smiled. His lips were warm, in fact his entire body seemed to radiate heat. Alinn pulled Zevran closer to him feeling the rogue’s hand brush past his ear. Maybe travelling on the road with Zevran wouldn’t be so bad Alinn thought to himself as they deepened the kiss. Alinn felt himself melting into Zevran’s embrace. They parted, Alinn had to look up ever so slightly at Zevran. Alinn traced Zevran’s tattoos, he had a feeling these weren’t the only ones he had. Zevran brushed his thumb across Alinn’s own facial tattoos,

            “We match.” Alinn smiled.

            “Whenever someone says tattooed elf I am never sure which one of us they mean.” Zevran said.

            “Clearly we won’t have that problem anymore.” Alinn said.

            Alinn heard a rustling from a few yards away, he stepped back and grabbed his staff,

            “Somethings coming, it’s not a darkspawn.”

            Zevran was still standing in front of Alinn when Kallian and Linara emerged out of breath from the forest. Zevran pushed Alinn’s hand down.

            “Did they send you to execute me? Or drag me back so one of the others could do it?”

            “No one’s executing you Alinn, you zapped Mirah but its not that big of a deal.” Kallian said.

            Alinn felt like his own brain was the one that’d been fried,

            “Not that big a deal? I electrocuted another warden in the middle of camp! I killed a noblewoman and I’m an elf in what world is this not a big deal?” Alinn asked.

            “It’s not a big deal because she isn’t dead.” Linara said.

            “What the hell do you mean she isn’t dead?” Alinn wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed.

            “Wynne healed her. Mirah is fine.” Linara began.

            “Come back with us please, everything is going to be okay I swear to you.” Kallian said.

            “We can’t shake her that easily it seems, now come on you two the others will worry.” Linara continued.

“What the hell do you mean everything is going to be okay? I tried to kill Mirah and you think the others are _worried_ about me?” Alinn asked in a state of disbelief.

            “Why do you think they sent us? We wardens have to stick together no matter what.” Kallian said.

            Alinn and Zevran exchanged a look before following Kallian and Linara back to the camp. If they couldn’t trust their fellow elves then who could they trust?


	25. Calming the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Enough!” Wynne said, stepping between the dwarves. “There are more important things going on than your childish bickering.”  
> When the dust settles tensions run high.

Jolene was in a state of utter disbelief when she saw Mirah hit the ground. If the look on Alinn’s face was anything to go by she was not the only one who couldn’t believe what just happened. Her feet felt anchored into the ground as she saw Alinn high-tail it out of camp. Frozen in place she stared at her fallen lady. The buzz of voices all around her were a mere fog in Jolene’s mind as she looked at Mirah, who was now surrounded by the others.

“Get a healer.” She said, her voice much calmer than she actually was.

The others were apparently far ahead of Jolene, Wynne was already casting a spell on Mirah. Jolene was vaguely aware that the wardens around her were speaking and moving about but it was all lost in the fog to her. She only had eyes for Mirah and whether or not she’d survive. She took a tentative step towards her,

“Mirah?” Hardly more than a whisper amongst the chattering of her comrades.

She remembered when Trian died, how he’d stopped breathing mere moments after her final attack, the light hadn’t even faded from his eyes when Bhelen and her father showed up and discovered the gory scene. She hoped this tale would end differently. Jolene felt like her feet were made of lead when she finally made her way to Mirah’s side. Jolene held Mirah’s hand as she clawed her way back to life. Clearly whatever Wynne had done was effective. Not even a full minute had passed before Mirah was breathing again, gripping Jolene’s hand in her own as if it was all that anchored her to this life. Mirah’s breathing was erratic and her eye looked haunted.

“Mirah.” Jolene said again, louder but still barely audible.

Mirah turned to look at Jolene so quickly she feared Mirah’s neck would snap. Mirah’s free hand went to Jolene’s face, Jolene braced herself for a slap only to find Mirah holding her face fearfully,

“Tell me what happened.”

“You were electrocuted, Wynne revived you but there was a moment when we thought we lost you.” Jolene couldn’t figure out why her tone felt so distant and yet she couldn’t change it.

“Where’s that damned knife ear?” Mirah asked, beginning to look around the camp.

“Stay still, please. You need some time to recover.” Jolene said.

“I need Surana’s head on a pike is what I need.” Mirah retorted.

Jolene held Mirah’s hand even tighter, “And _I_ need you alive.”

Mirah fell silent, looking at Jolene her expression impossible to read. She pulled Jolene into her and held the other woman in her arms. Jolene hugged Mirah back and buried her face in her shoulder. Mirah breathed in and out slowly, trying to bring herself down from her rage not for herself but for Jolene.

“You’re alive.” Jolene whispered, as if speaking any louder would shatter her.

“I’m alive.” Mirah looked out towards the forest Alinn had fled into. She knew she would have to do something about the dangerous creature but if Jolene needed her to stay still for a little while then that was exactly what she was going to do. Mirah looked at the other wardens, Kallian was right nearby she couldn’t keep eye contact with Mirah. This didn’t surprise Mirah much. She had never gotten along with Kallian, or any of the elves among them for that matter. She had started off on the wrong foot with each of them and now it was far too late to repair any relationship she could’ve had with them, not that she really considered it much of a loss.

“Well that was unsettling.” Natalia said under her breath.

“How eloquently put.” Mirah rolled her eye.

“Hey! I’m not wrong.” Natalia pointed out.

“Wow the casteless is right about something one time, don’t let it go to your head duster.” Jolene said.

“Classism really? I thought we’d moved past that princess.” Natalia was thoroughly unimpressed.

“Sorry old habits come up when my _girlfriend nearly dies._ ” Jolene said.

“Enough!” Wynne said, stepping between the dwarves. “There are more important things going on than your childish bickering.”

“She’s right. We nearly lost one of our own and another of us has run off. That should be our priority right now.” Alistair said.

Mirah stood up, running a hand through her hair, “I think it’s obvious what we need to do. He’s a rabid beast and he should be put down like one.”

“You do realize most blights go on for hundreds of years when there’s armies of wardens fighting the blight right?” Kallian began, “Imagine how long it would go if we went from seven wardens to six. This is about Ferelden, our home. We can’t afford to be executing each other.”

“He literally just tried to kill me.”

“And you killed a warden at Ostagar, I’d say you two are even now.”

“Are you seriously suggesting that I just let it go that he tried to _kill me_?”

“No, I’m saying let it go until the blight is over. Hell you can even put him on trial when everything is over if you want.” Kallian said, hoping Mirah wouldn’t actually want to make good on that when all is said and done.

The thought of being able to sentence the mage to public execution was enticing.

“Alright, retrieve the mage.” Mirah could be patient when the situation called for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long. College got really intense and my computer was really fuckey but uh yeah. I'm finally updating this again!! I'm a broken record but I love comments!!! my tumblr is alinnsurana sometimes I'm funny and post cool memes!!


	26. The Bercilian Outskirts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dalish elves!!!!! Linara feels at home and shit idk man its been awhile

It had been a few rather tense weeks since Mirah nearly died and Alinn had nearly abandoned the order but the blight wasn’t going to wait for those two to call a truce. The group of wardens were approached by a patrol of Dalish hunters, Kallian and Natalia shoved Linara to the front of the group.

“Halt strangers, even with one of the people among you we don’t know who you are or what your intentions are.” A dalish woman with pale hair tied back in a bun and the vallaslin of Mythal on her face said authoritatively.

“I am Linara Mahariel of Clan Sabrae and the Grey Wardens, I humbly request that we may speak with your keeper.” Linara said.

The Dalish stranger began speaking in elvish. Linara responded in kind.

“What are they saying?” Alistair asked quietly.

Natalia shrugged, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Linara turned to the group, “They don’t want to bring such a large group of heavily armed strangers to their camp, so myself, Alinn, Kallian and Zevran will be going.”

“Of course.” Mirah said.

Linara narrowed her eyes, “You know what your people have done to mine, let’s go.” Linara and the rest of her group followed the blonde Dalish woman to the nearby encampment.

“Last time I saw a Dalish camp was when Deadrick brought me to yours…” Kallian thought out loud.

“Feels like a lifetime ago doesn’t it?” Linara said.

Kallian nodded.

“Zathrian, a group of wardens have wandered close to camp. The elves among them have been brought to you.” 

A bald elven man with the vallaslin of ghilan'nain and intricate robes stood before the elven wardens and assassin.

“If you’ve come here for aid in the blight I am afraid we have our own battles to fight at present.” Zathrian said.

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Linara motioned to Alinn, “We have healers among our ranks.”

“No, this is something beyond what any healer can do. There are werewolves out in these woods, an ancient curse cast upon them. They have begun attacking our hunters. In fact the only way to end this curse would be to kill their leader Witherfang, a white wolf, and bring me his heart.”

“Where would we find this Witherfang?” Kallian asked.

“Deep in the heart of the forest. I don’t know where their lair is precisely but I wouldn’t be surprised if they had taken over the Tevinter ruins in the east.”

“If we may have your blessing to bring the rest of our group here so we have more forces to fight these werewolves?” Linara asked.

“So long as your shems keep their weapons sheathed in our camp.”

“You have our word.” Linara said.

“I’ll get them, you three find out what you can about these werewolves in the meantime.” Kallian said.

Linara looked more at ease than she had in the whole time Alinn had known her. She motioned for him and Zevran to join her and some of the Dalish by their fire.

“You all have facial tattoos, yet only one of you has vallaslin, why is that?” One of the elves asked.

Alinn bit his lip, “My father was Dalish, in the circle tower I only had vague information of the Dalish, I knew I couldn’t recreate a real vallaslin but.” He paused a moment, trying to make sure the next part came out right, “The circle tried to make me forget I was an elf, I got these tattoos so no one could, if that makes any sense?” Alinn said.

“What is the circle?” One of the elves asked.

“It's where mages are kept for being mages.” Alinn said, hoping that would be enough.

“Anyway, Hahren” Linara turned to one of the elves, “what can you tell us about the curse that’s been afflicting your hunters?”

“I’m afraid I don’t have much more information than what our keeper told you.”

“Ma serannas, we will do everything we can to help your clan.” Alinn said.

“I’m impressed, most flat ears don’t know our tongue.”

Alinn’s ears drooped, “I’m half dalish.” he said.

“Forgive me, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“Also, before they cause any alarm. We are travelling with many others, most of whom are not elves. We will let no harm come to you from them, you have my word.” Linara said, rising to her feet.

Kallian approached the elves with the rest of the wardens in tow,

“So, we killing werewolves or what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hot diggity its me, back at it again

**Author's Note:**

> some canon had to be bent a little bit to get all the wardens to Ostagar but other than that this is mostly canon compliant. Any and all feedback welcome! My tumblr is alinnsurana if you want to follow me or hear me complain about writing this fic and talking about all my baby nerd wardens.  
> Related works (aka canon but for whatever reason offscreen)  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/4559313 takes place between lot hearing and redcliffe

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Bravery Beyond Battle](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4393328) by [Newagenewbarricade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Newagenewbarricade/pseuds/Newagenewbarricade)




End file.
